


Long Way to Happy

by Desbelleschoses



Category: Naruto
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Triggers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-12 20:35:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 33
Words: 75,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12967911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desbelleschoses/pseuds/Desbelleschoses
Summary: The war is over, but Karin Uzumaki has no home to return to. Abandoned by Sasuke, the rest of Team Taka returns to Orochimaru. As the last remnants of a once-great criminal network, they are essential aids in his research, despite having been test subjects themselves. Struggling with past trauma, Karin is forced to face her demons and her trauma from her time as Kabuto's assistant. Likewise, Suigetsu must adapt to life outside the stasis pod, on the other side of the glass. If they're going to survive, they need to lean on one another. They might be able to, if they could trust one another not to drive a knife through their back.WARNING: Read the tags. Karin's abuse is openly talked about, and some scenes are written out. Please be cautious.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're laughing  
> But you're hiding  
> God I know that trick too well  
> You forget  
> That I've been you  
> And now I'm just the shell  
> \- P!nk, "Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self"

One last box. It took all day to move everything into the newest hideout, everything they had accumulated and managed to scavenge from the four corners of the map. With a sigh of relief, Karin used her hip to push one of the cardboard boxes back on the metal counter, making room for the one in her hands. She slumped to the floor and rubbed her face with her hands once they were free. It had been so long since she'd traveled with anything but what she could carry on her person. She had hardly any personal possessions, but the lab equipment she'd insisted upon bringing was worth several fortunes. Most of it was irreplaceable. Perhaps the most cherished box, the very last contained her research notes. A scant few of the notebooks were filled with Kabuto’s writing, but the majority was her own, independently gathered after she'd split ways with the silver-haired man.

 

After her short respite, she stood, gathering her hair back into a low ponytail. Time to get down to business. She pulled a small knife from her pocket and split the tape holding one of the boxes closed. Each beaker and test tube had to be carefully unwrapped from their cushioning. She didn't care much about saving the packing materials, and her fingers tore haphazardly at the paper. The glass itself she handled far more carefully, ensuring that none of it would come crashing down onto the floor. To her relief, the next box she opened was full of stands, racks, and containers. In the limited space the boxes allowed, she began to put everything in its place. This box joined the other on the floor, filled with paper and tape.

 

Slowly but surely, the lab began to feel just a bit more like home. Bunsen burners found their places on one segment of the counter, and the graduated cylinders were stacked on a nearby shelf for easy access. Any hazardous chemicals were placed in a steel cabinet, under lock and key; it was a precaution she’d always taken, for one reason or another. This time, that reason’s name was Mitsuki.

 

The newest addition to their dysfunction wasn’t the first Orochimaru had created, and he likely wouldn’t be the last. This particular iteration had several flaws. What Orochimaru would end up doing with him, she didn’t care to know. However, she wasn’t about to let the child’s death or dismemberment come down on her shoulders just because she was careless with her supplies. No, she’d learned a long time ago that it was best to remain under the radar as far as experiments were concerned. Observe, study, hypothesize, experiment, and record. She’d been following those five tenets ever since she became Kabuto’s assistant as a child. During that time, she’d also been classified as one of those experiments, giving her the paradoxical roles of both research and researcher.

 

It was best not to think about it. Shove it back into the far reaches of her mind, stuffed down with the death of her mother and her childhood, and other such memories. Otherwise, she might begin to empathize with Mitsuki, and that was something she couldn't afford. The child running around with white hair and golden eyes had a name, a personality, a life; all of this had been engineered for him before he'd developed much further than a zygote. He was Mitsuki, but he was also experiment MI005. There had been four others who preceded him, all deemed failures for an array of serious and petty reasons. Observe, study, hypothesize, experiment, and record. Keep an objective, clinical distance. Meanwhile, that dark corner of her mind became more and more crowded. She was twenty, now. Twenty years of baggage were neglected and ignored, festering somewhere within her. It wasn't acceptable to let herself slip, to show that side of herself. The world would descend upon her like a wolf if she made that mistake.

 

Her knife tore into the tape of yet another box. Electronics. She was never good with such things. She'd need to ask Juugo to get them up and running for her. This was where the bulk of the expense lay, and she didn't want to chance ruining any of the machines. In their new designation as contractors for the Hidden Leaf, it was unlikely that she would ever be able to requisition a replacement. The next several boxes contained the same, and she set all of them to the side.

 

By the time she’d unpacked everything she could, it had gotten far later than it should have been. She’d forgotten to eat. Again. Even as her logical mind battled her, claiming that she needed real food, nutrients, et cetera, she crushed a food pill between her molars. They probably didn’t have any real food at this point, she reminded herself; one of them would be sent to pick up rations from the Leaf during the next few days.

 

Her slim fingers wrapped around a black notebook, which she carried with her when she exited the lab. She made sure to flick off the lights behind her. The new hideout was one she’d never seen, and she was forced to wander for a while before she came across what she was looking for. A soft, green glow emanated from the room, refracted by the glass, water-filled tubes on one wall. Her objective lay in the center, on top of a hard, metal table. Covered up to the waist, Mitsuki’s body was motionless. Tubes and machines were hooked to him, sustaining life, as it were. It had been decided that the child should be placed in a coma in order to alter some ‘inconsistencies’, as Orochimaru had called them.

 

Karin uncapped her pen with her teeth and began taking notes. His vitals were normal. He'd gone through the right amount of I.V. fluid. Breathing was steady. Every one of these were recorded in her small script. She had everything, down to the tint of his skin and how limber he was when she moved him to prevent bedsores. A yawn crawled up her throat, but she battled it back down. She could rest when she was done. Mitsuki was given another round of fluid before she closed her notebook. Too fatigued to take it back to her personal lab, she set it down on the surgical tray beside the table. She had to check him again in five hours, anyway.

 

A pang of guilt pierced her as she left the room, leaving the young boy alone. No. She couldn't allow that. That was empathy. He was a clone, an experiment, nothing more. He was MI005. She repeated this mantra silently until she turned the corner, leaving that hallway behind. Shit, where was her room, again? By her lab. Where was her lab? She shook her head at her own ineptitude. Fatigue was no reason to lose her way. Cursing herself under her breath, she stalked the corridors in search of her small corner of the world. Almost as an afterthought, she closed and locked the door to her lab when she finally found it.

 

Two doors down on the left lay her new bedroom. Remorsefully, she remembered upon opening the door that she hadn't unpacked a single box of her personal belongings. That wasn't a task she wanted to start that night. She searched just long enough to find a pillow and blanket, sleeping clothes be damned. She stripped off her clothing and let down her hair before lying down on the bare mattress. It would have to do. She needed to sleep if she wanted to be alert for tomorrow. Her glasses clinked onto her bedside table, and she finally let her eyes close.

 

* * *

 

The room was cold. Light refracted off of metal everywhere she looked, and the taste of iron lingered on her tongue, bitter and acrid. She'd been here before, hundreds of times. It was the ghost of a memory; that much she knew. To her left sat her desk, uncharacteristically pristine. Before her, rows upon rows of stasis tubes bubbled as oxygen was pumped into the water, sustaining whatever life they held. Karin closed her eyes, dread welling in the pit of her stomach. Not this again, she pled. Please, not this. She grabbed her forearm between her thumb and index finger and pinched hard enough to draw blood. Still, she was trapped.

 

This dream always happened the same way. There was nothing she could do but turn around. She knew what awaited her, and she stayed rooted to her spot as long as she possibly could. Even in her sleep, the sound of footsteps sent a chill down her spine. She reached for a kunai that she didn't have, that was never there. Fuck. If she could only keep herself from turning around. If only she could close her eyes and pretend this wasn't happening. If only she could forget.

 

“Ah, you're awake,” a smooth voice crooned from behind her, echoing through the silent space. “I was beginning to worry that your chakra levels were too low to restore themselves. Good.” A pencil scratched against paper. Karin fought the urge to vomit. “Be a good girl, and you can eat as soon as we’re done here. Doesn't that sound good?”

 

“I'm thirsty…” a small voice begged. Dammit! She wouldn't give in. She couldn't keep playing these games with her own mind.

 

“I'll be sure to get you some water in just a moment. Now, stay still.”

 

Karin couldn't take it anymore. She spun around and tried to run, but her feet were stuck in place. Her lips contorted into a snarl as she looked at the scene before her. With his back to her, Kabuto lifted a needle to the light and flicked it, bespectacled eyes examining the clear fluid inside. In front of him sat an examination table. On it was a young girl, no older than nine, with red hair and eyes. She looked tired and underfed, and she had shadows in her eyes. She didn't resist when Kabuto took her by the chin and tilted her head to the side. The needle disappeared into her neck, only to be taken out a moment later when the injection was complete.

 

“What was that?” the girl asked, holding a hand over the puncture.

 

“My, aren't you the curious one?” Kabuto chuckled. “It's a serum to help your chakra regain optimum levels. It's useless to run any tests with your levels so low.”

 

“Why are you running tests?”

 

“Surely you know that you can transfer your chakra to other people. Lord Orochimaru wants to discover the best way for your power to help him. That requires tests.”

 

“But they hurt.”

 

“I know, and I'm sorry for that, but there's nothing I can do.”

 

“Liar!” Karin shouted, but her voice went unheard.

 

“You have an inquisitive mind,” Kabuto continued. “Perhaps, if you behave yourself, Lord Orochimaru would allow you to become my assistant. Hm?”

 

“No! You bastard!” Karin wanted to lunge at him, to tear his throat out with her bare hands. Her younger self smiled and nodded excitedly, at which Kabuto placed a hand on her head and ruffled her hair.

 

“Wonderful. Now, little fire, extend your arm for me?”

 

“No!” Karin screeched. The sound blared throughout the room, pounding in her ears. She covered them with her hands, but it wouldn't stop. She sank to her knees, rocking her body back and forth in an attempt at self-comfort.

 

“No, no, no, no, no!”

 

* * *

 

Karin shot up with a gasp, scrambling off her bed so quickly that she fell upon the wooden floor. Reality came flooding back to her. She placed a hand over her mouth to stifle the single sob that she permitted to escape her. She sat, naked and alone, until her heart rate slowed to a normal, resting rate. With white knuckles, she clenched the edge of her bedside table and pulled herself to her feet. With uneven steps, she shuffled to her bathroom. Unsteady fingers twisted the faucet, and she splashed her face with cold water.

 

It was okay. She was okay. She was safe. She was in control. It was okay. She was okay. She was safe. She was in control. It was okay.

 

When she looked at herself in the mirror,  her eyes lingered on her neck and shoulders, studying the scarred skin as though it held the answers she was looking for. Her fingertips brushed the indentations. She'd mourned them long ago; there was no use crying over them now. Her skin was ugly, but what did it matter? It was probably the least damaged attribute she had. A bitter laugh slipped past her lips. She rested her elbows on the sink and ran her hands through her hair. None of it mattered, and she was a fool for thinking otherwise.

 

Entering her room once more, she opened each box, rooting through their contents. Clothes were shoved to the side along with books and trinkets. Dammit, where was it? She sighed in relief when she finally felt what she was looking for. In her hand, she held a plastic bottle. Her fingers popped the lid and slipped inside, pulling out a small, white pill. She placed it on her tongue and threw her head back, swallowing it down her dry throat. With a click, she closed the bottle, which she immediately placed in her bedside drawer.

 

If she was lucky, it would take effect soon.

 

Able to think a little more clearly, Karin dug out a set of clothes: a loose shirt and a pair of sweatpants. If her internal clock was right, it was six in the morning. Time to check on Mitsuki. The thought of entering that room made her heart beat a little faster, but the pill she ingested would take care of that soon enough. She had a job to do. She couldn't waste time on emotions and trauma. Dutifully, she stepped out of her bedroom, resisting the urge to stop by her personal lab. She could throw herself at her work later in the day. For now, she didn't have a choice.

 

A little more familiar with the layout, she was able to retrace her steps to where Mitsuki lay. Nothing had changed in the last few hours. All the same, she needed to record the same information she'd done before. Her notes from this morning would fill the book; she would add one to the shopping list for whoever was running to the village. Perhaps she had one packed away. It would be beneficial to look. She filed that away in her mental to-do list.

 

“How is he?”

 

She could have sensed Orochimaru’s chakra signature halfway across the nation. He could hardly surprise her anymore. “Stable,” she answered. “No changes in his vitals.”

 

“I see.” Orochimaru stepped forward, peering at the boy’s unconscious face. “Where did you go wrong?” he asked, as though Mitsuki could give him an answer. “We’ll begin with MI006 in two days’ time,” he informed Karin as he straightened up. “Hopefully, our research will prove beneficial in that iteration. In the meantime, you may cease routine care for MI005. Nothing for you to worry about; I'll take care of everything.”

 

“Yes, my lord,” Karin deferred. The less she knew, the better. She intentionally kept her eyes on Orochimaru, refusing to let them stray to the table.

 

“Feel free to work on a personal project, or even spend time unpacking.” His smiles were always a little unnerving. “Have Juugo or Suigetsu help, if you need it. Tell them I said so, if they give you any trouble. I'll be leaving tonight and taking MI005 with me. As I said, I'll be back in two days. I trust you to keep order.”

 

“Yes, my lord.”

 

“And, Karin?”

 

“Yes, my lord?”

 

“We have a few of the best and brightest ANBU keeping an eye on us. I should be flattered, really. But I would prefer them not to get involved. Say, should Juugo switch forms, or Suigetsu cause a disturbance.” Beneath his words lay the warning: do not engage him. It would be difficult, but she could manage. They needed to keep the leaf at arm’s length until their alliance was further established.

 

“Of course.”

 

“That is all.” Orochimaru turned his back to her. Before she left the room, she caught him brushing Mitsuki’s hair back from his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am tired of punching in the wind  
> I am tired of letting it all in  
> And I should eat you up and spit you right out  
> I should not care but I don't know how  
> \- Of Monsters and Men, "Organs"

It took very little time for Karin to dress for the day. Unfortunately, she had an image to maintain, even if it was just her, Juugo, and Suigetsu. Today was not a day she wanted to be mocked for her physical appearance. The pill she had taken was making her sleepy, but she drowned the reaction in coffee and dabbed some concealer beneath her eyes. With a deep breath, she put on her mask and left her bedroom once more. 

 

Upon reaching her lab, she pulled the key from her back pocket and turned the lock, letting herself in. Thankfully, everything was as she left it. Her most recent notebook joined the others in one of the remaining boxes. With a bit of apprehension, she began to set up her lab equipment the way she wanted. Getting it running could happen once everything had a place. She gave up on a fee, larger pieces of machinery, and she set her sights on organizing the literature she'd brought with her. Heavily annotated copies of Tobirama Senju’s research sat beside those of other scientific greats. Longingly, she wondered if she hadn't been born too late to make similar strides in her field.

 

A familiar chakra signature flickered in the doorway, silently announcing a presence. Karin looked over her shoulder at Juugo and smiled. “Lend me a hand?” she asked. He seemed to be in a good mood, much to her relief. With his help, the last of her equipment was put into place.

 

“I should be able to get it all up and running,” Juugo assured her from underneath one of the metal tables as he searched for an electrical outlet. “I don't know as much as Kabuto or Sasuke, though.”

 

Karin bit the inside of her cheek. “I'm sure it'll be fine. There's not much to mess up, I don't think.”

 

“What do you need first?”

 

“The centrifuge,” she answered, nodding to the machine even though he wasn't looking at her. “I have a few vials that need rotation before I can do anything else.

 

Juugo didn't respond. In a few seconds, an indicator light on the machine lit up. Karin walked over to it and flipped the switch, testing it. “Perfect,” she informed him with a smile. 

 

“We may need to work with some wiring,” Juugo informed her as he stood back up. “But that's much more than I can do. Maybe Lord Orochimaru can contact someone from the Leaf.”

 

“You have me started, though, and I appreciate it.”

 

Juugo hesitated before asking, “Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah. I just didn't sleep very much,” Karin admitted. “I'm fine, though.”

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

“I had a food pill last night.” Of course, that wasn't a great argument in her favor. “I was about to head to the kitchen,” she lied.

 

He saw through her. “I'll go with you.”

 

They stared at one another for a moment,  trying to be more stubborn than their companion. Karin lost. She clicked her tongue and slipped past him into the hall, and he was on her heels. He meant well, and she didn't want to risk angering him. This was, by far, the safest option. If she was honest with herself, it was probably best that she had company. Soon enough she could forget her fitful night and focus wholeheartedly on her day. Her task: strengthen the sleeping draught she prepared for herself. It was enough to knock most people unconscious in a matter of minutes, but her insomnia was of a special sort. Thus far, the most consistent sleep she'd been able to manage was four straight hours. Her goal was to get that number up to eight. If she could do that, maybe life would become a little more normal. 

 

The kitchen was painfully bare, but someone had been strangely generous in providing a basket of fruit. Whoever welcomed them to the new hideout with this gift was certainly unique.  _ Welcome to the Hidden Leaf, have some fruit and please don’t destroy the village _ . Karin snorted and plucked an apple from the display. There was a card sticking out of the bottom, and she opened it out of curiosity. The message was simple enough: Let us know if you need anything. The piece of paper was stamped with a paper fan, the symbol of the Uchiha clan. Sasuke would never have been so considerate; it was clearly Sakura who had sent the basket their way. It seemed to be an olive branch to her fiance’s former teammates - never friends, she reminded herself. Lost in thought, she took a large bite out of the apple.

 

Karin turned to face Juugo as she chewed, arching a crimson eyebrow that demanded if he was happy. He watched her until she took another bite, finally satisfied that she would eat the entire thing. Wordlessly, he stepped out into the hall and made his way down one of the winding corridors to do god knows what. With her comrades, it was always better not to ask. Giving in to her hunger, she took another apple from the basket and replaced the card. It annoyed her to no end that Sakura was a genuinely good person. If she were evil, bitchy, or even ugly, Karin could have hated her blindly. As it was, the girl was nothing but smiles and kind words, and Karin desperately wanted to punch her in the face. 

 

No matter how she looked at it, the situation made no sense to her, and it was infuriating. She  _ wanted _ to hate Sakura. She wanted to be petty. She could have, if she had the drive. And yet, she wasn’t, and it had nothing to do with Sakura.

 

Sasuke had become cold, distant, and dark. More than he’d ever been before. She couldn’t put a name to whatever emotion had overcome him during the past year, but it was deeply unsettling. He’d fled the Leaf once more, leaving Naruto and Sakura behind; this time, team Taka was in that same position.  _ Fuck him _ , she thought bitterly. If he wanted to run off and hate the world, that was his prerogative. She was better off alone, not pining after him. He made her act stupid, caused her to throw her intelligence and pride away all for his sake. The day he’d left for the last time, she swore that she’d never allow herself to act that way again. That’s how women were hurt, taken advantage of. It made her sick to her stomach to know that he could have done absolutely anything to her, and she’d have let him. No one, man or woman, would ever have that kind of control over her again. 

 

She was not weak, but she was very, very tired.

 

The core of her apple found its way into the trash before she left the room, and her teeth had already sunk down into the second. She had work to do, and she needed to have her wits about her. When it came to chemicals she would injest herself, she was a thousand times more meticulous than she was for others. Self-preservation was her new law. Herself before anyone else. She was done fighting for what she had; now, she had every intention of taking what she wanted. Damn the rest of them.

 

* * *

 

The beaker atop the bunsen burner bubbled, going through a chemical reaction despite the lack of heat generated by the unlit flame. Karin’s pencil took rapid notes on a piece of scrap paper, which she’d transcribe to her new notebook, when she got one. For now, she was making do with what she had. Up to this point, she'd followed the same formula she'd recorded previously. Here was where things would get a little tricky. She turned her back on the beaker and crossed the room, opening the metal cabinet that she'd left unlocked. Her index finger pushed her glasses further up her nose as she scanned the labels on jars and bottles. Taking what she needed, she used her hip to close the door.

 

She faltered when she turned around and saw that she wasn't alone. Suigetsu leaned over the beaker, studying the solution with curiosity. “Get away from that, you idiot!” she shouted. He should know better than to get that close to chemicals without proper eye protection. If he went blind, it would come down on her head. She approached him in only a handful of hurried steps and grabbed him by the collar of his black shirt. With a harsh pull, she threw him back from the counter.

 

“Hey!” he snapped, stumbling over his feet. Before he could say anything else, she'd gone back to her experiment

 

“Don't fuck with anything,” she reminded him with a hiss. “These things can be volatile if you don't know what you're doing. Which you don't. Only an idiot would look at a reaction without goggles. So, do us both a favor and get lost before you hurt yourself.”

 

“You don't get to tell me what to do, bitch,” Suigetsu spat. 

 

Without looking at him, Karin laughed bitterly. “Sure. Don't listen to me. Go piss off Juugo, while you're at it. I mean, if you have a death wish, you could always just jump off a cliff.”

 

“What the fuck is your problem?!”

 

“You. You're my problem.”

 

“Oh, fuck you, bitch.”

 

“At least get creative with your insults. You're getting repetitive.”

 

“Don't be a cunt just because Sasuke left your sorry ass here with us. We don't want you any more than you want us. How about you let me know when you wanna try being an actual human being?” He was lucky to have slammed the door to the lab an instant before an empty beaker collided with it, shattering into thousands of pieces. Karin ground her teeth and held back a wordless cry of rage. 

 

She’d been trying to  _ help _ him, for god’s sake! She didn’t  _ have _ to remind him about lab safety. She was being  _ generous _ . Fucking asshole. Next time, she’d let him burn his skin off with acid. See if she cared. All she’d been trying to do was follow Orochimaru’s orders. How could she be in a position of authority when she never got any respect?! When he returned, they would be having a volatile conversation about what she was and was not responsible for. There were some things she refused to do, and placate Suigetsu was one of them. If he wanted to walk into  _ her _ lab, he was going to play by  _ her _ rules. The freak. She spat, not bothering to disguise her resentment. Sasuke should have left him to rot in his tube.

 

Once her heart rate settled, she turned back to her beaker.  _ Focus, Karin. This is more important. Anything’s more important than him. You know that. You need to sleep tonight. Now, add one milliliter of this… _

 

She coached herself through the process, all the while writing down everything she did. If she believed in a god, she would have prayed for success. She desperately needed a good night’s rest, a dreamless sleep. Of course, she’d seen firsthand that no god could exist in their world. No god would have killed her mother, stolen her childhood, made her suffer… 

  
No, she didn’t need to go down that road. Her eyes focused on the lightly-colored liquid that she poured from the beaker into a small amber bottle. She didn’t spill a single drop, ever the perfectionist. It was then capped with a dropper, and glass clinked against glass as she screwed it into place. On a white label, she wrote S15:  C 17 H 19 NO 3 H 2 O. With any luck, this would be the tonic that would solve her problems.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until she herself  
> Understood her garden  
> Leaving her heart broken,  
> No future at all  
> Until she herself  
> Became the toxic garden  
> Always frightened,  
> No future at all  
> -Fleetwood Mac, "Running Through The Garden"

The familiar smell of ether burned her throat and nostrils as she looked down at the examination table. Latex gloves covered her hands, which were stained red with minute amounts of blood. To her right was a surgical tray full of various instruments; to her left hung a scale. Her hands were shaking as she reached down into the open chest cavity of the body on the table. The sound was sickening when she used her scalpel to cut away tissue. She wrenched her eyes shut when she set the knife aside and took the cadaver’s heart in her hands, holding it as though it was the most precious and vile thing she’d ever seen. 

 

“Don’t turn away from this,” a commanding voice caused her to freeze. She swallowed and took a deep breath. Her eyes opened, instinctively looking to the source of the sound. Kabuto stood at the head of the table, hands on either side of the cadaver’s head as he leaned forward to look at her. She gave an uncertain nod and bit the inside of her cheek. The organ weighed down the scale, and she waited for the needle to become steady. 

 

“320 grams.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own. It was too light, too nervous, too… untouched. 

 

“Write it down,” Kabuto instructed. “And then what do we do?”

 

“Place it in the formalin to preserve it until it can be dissected further.” She resented the happiness his approving grin brought her. She knew better. His approval meant nothing. Even as she recognized this, she understood that she had no control over her own body, emotions, or words. She was looking through the eyes of her younger self, trapped in a hellish prison. Her hands set the heart carefully into a jar and secured the lid.

 

Once she placed the jar alongside the others, she turned back to the table. Her stomach threatened to leap out of her throat when she peered down into the now-organless chest cavity. Kabuto was excruciatingly thorough with his dissections. This was no autopsy; the cause of death was well known. The examinations were for a wholly scientific reason. The body itself, she knew, would be discarded along with the organs as they finished with them. It wouldn’t receive the dignity of being prepared for a burial or reconstituted. It was trash to him, and it would be disposed of as such. There were no graves here. She gagged.

 

Kabuto’s voice suddenly became harsh and threatening. “If you can’t stomach such a simple procedure, you’re of no use to me. I will send you to the cells without a second thought, and you could end up on this table soon enough. Do you want that?”

 

“No, sir.” Her voice barely kept from shaking.

 

“Then what are you going to do?”

 

“Continue my research.”

 

“Good girl.” His smile showed his teeth. “Now, grab that bonesaw and come to this side. I’m going to teach you how to perform a brain autopsy.” He stepped back to let her stand in front of him. “Give me your hand.” He took it before she had the chance. He guided her fingers to the cadaver’s icy scalp. “Feel that? You’re going to cut from this bump behind the left ear all the way to the bump behind the right. Then, you’ll use the saw to open the cranium, making sure not to cut the soft tissue.”

 

She swallowed as she nodded, rigid in her posture. Nothing but an affirmative answer was allowed. He curled her fingers around the scalpel he placed back into her hand. “Now, little fire, show me what you’ve learned. If you do well enough, I will report your progress to Lord Orochimaru. Perhaps he will allow you to accompany me the next time I leave on a mission.”

 

The way her eyes shone revolted her; the anticipation running through her veins made her want to vomit. The sheer prospect of leaving the underground, of getting to see the light and breathe fresh air, enthralled her. Inside her own mind, Karin was screaming, trying to warn the girl in her dream. The girl couldn’t hear her. Karin felt every emotion the girl felt, and she was revolted. She hadn’t known then. She could never have known. At fourteen years old, she hadn’t seen enough of the world. 

 

Her fingers found the bump behind the cadaver’s ear, and the scalpel sliced neatly into the skin, cutting with precision. Kabuto’s promise hung before her, a reward just out of reach. She would show him exactly what she was capable of.

* * *

 

Her eyes struggled to open. She felt like she’d been drugged, and it was difficult for her to begin moving. Her mind slowly returned, reminding her that she had, in fact, drugged herself so that she could sleep. Two dropper-fulls of the serum was clearly too much. She hadn’t been able to wake herself from her nightmare, when she’d wanted not to dream at all. It kept her asleep, but she didn’t feel rested. She was more tired than when she had gone to bed the night before. When she sat up, she was hit with a sudden wave of vertigo. God, she couldn’t keep living like this. 

 

Even though she didn’t know how long the draught would take to wear off, she opened her bedside drawer and removed the plastic bottle, shaking a pill into her palm. She needed to be numb for a while. If she was sick, well, so be it. 

 

The clock on her table read 12:05. From what she could tell from the slitted windows at the top of the wall, that would be in the afternoon rather than at night. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in bed past eight. If only she could have felt better. Maybe she could claim to be sick. Would Juugo and Suigetsu leave her alone? It seemed unlikely. She reminded herself that Orochimaru had left on his ‘errand.’ The temporary head-of-house groaned into her hands. There wasn’t a choice to be made, here. With no small amount of reluctance, she forced herself out of bed and changed into clean clothes. Planning on maintaining the ‘sick’ excuse, she opted for a t-shirt instead of her usual blouse. She had no one to impress.

 

The first stop she made was in the kitchen, where, thankfully, Sakura’s fruit basket held a few more pieces. She took the card out of the basket and flipped it over, using the back to begin their shopping list. They needed just enough to get them through the next few days. When Orochimaru returned, he could budget it out. She decided to leave the list in plain sight, along with one of her pens, so that the boys could add whatever they might want. She’d send one of them that evening or the following morning, whichever worked best. 

 

If she wasn’t so tired, she might have laughed at how obnoxiously Suigetsu announced his presence. Not only was his chakra unmistakable, he seemed to be trying to make as much noise as possible as he walked, probably due to the echo effect his footsteps made. To top it all off, he was making that disgusting slurping sound through his straw at the bottom of his empty cup. Already on edge, Karin felt a knot forming just beside her right shoulder blade. Lovely. 

 

“Wow, you look like shit.” He wasn’t mocking her; he had the gall to say that to her face as a matter of fact. His hand unscrewed the cap to his bottle, which he filled with water from the pipes. Karin still hadn’t responded by the time he’d replaced the cap, which was strange. “Yo, earth to Karin.” He snapped his fingers.

 

Crimson eyes blazed when she finally gave him her attention. “What?” she snapped. “What could you  _ possibly _ want?”

 

Suigetsu was visibly taken aback. “Damn, woman. Fine.” He walked around her and began to open and close the cabinets, hunting for food. “Does no one fucking eat here, or what?”

 

“We need groceries.” Karin tapped the list with her index finger, sliding it over the counter to him. She had to play nice; he was the only one who could do what she wanted. Choking on her own pride as she swallowed it down, Karin informed him, “You’re going to have to go to the Leaf for us.”

 

“What?! Why me?! I’m not your errand boy!”

 

“Juugo can’t go into the village, especially not without Sasuke. If he rampages, that’s the end of us.” This was a very valid concern, and there was no room to argue on it. “I’d go, but I’m sick and need to rest.”

 

Suigetsu rolled his eyes. “Can’t you just bite yourself and heal?”

 

“Not for this. Look, you don’t want to go, and I don’t want to have to ask you to go. But we need food. Can you just…” she sighed, a sure sign of her defeat. “Can you just do me a favor?”

 

Violet eyes narrowed slightly. “A favor? That mean I get something in return?”

 

“That is the complete opposite of the definition,” she began, but she reigned herself in. She took off her glasses and rubbed her tired eyes with the heel of her right palm. “Yes, fine. I’ll owe you a favor. I’ll hate myself for it, but okay. Now will you just go get what’s on the list?”

 

Suigetsu picked up the card and read the list on the back. “Easy enough,” he admitted. “You better believe I’m coming for that favor, though.”

 

“Trust me, I know. Oh, and on your way out, tell the ANBU captain that our agreement states that they are allowed outside observation only. If I sense another agent inside the base, I will not hesitate. They are to come no further than the cliff. If they don’t like it, tell them to talk to their precious Hokage. We will not be watched like zoo animals.” Her last sentence was a growl, clearly not meant for him. Wherever she was sensing ANBU, they were close enough to be within earshot. Her hand disappeared into her back pocket, and she handed Suigetsu several folded bills. “Check with Juugo and make sure he doesn’t need anything else before you go.”

 

“This sounds like way more than one favor,” he griped.

 

“Just do it, okay?” she didn’t have enough energy for him today.

 

Aware that she wasn’t going to participate in their usual back-and-forth, Suigetsu uncharacteristically let the matter drop. Why he chose to do so was a mystery, but she didn’t want to look too closely at such a rare gift. Any promises or missteps she’d made were a problem for the future. Hopefully, Suigetsu wouldn’t get into any trouble in the Leaf. If he did, well, they’d have one hell of a time locking up a man who could turn his entire body into water. The only way he’d been contained before was in a stasis tube.

 

No, not that train of thought. She wasn’t going there. 

 

She sent the hidden ANBU a scathing glare before walking off down the corridor, in the opposite direction of Suigetsu. She needed to lose herself, and unpacking the last of her things seemed to be the best way to channel that energy. Hopefully she would find some peace in the organization of her personal items the way she had with her lab. Maybe she'd even find the aspirin she so desperately needed.

 

* * *

 

“Juugo! Karin!” Suigetsu bellowed down the corridors as he entered their base. “I'm back!” He looked over his shoulder at the ANBU who had followed him to the door. “Get out of here before she sees you. I'm serious, it's for your own good.” He couldn't see behind the soldier’s white mask, but he hoped he understood the gravity of the situation. Karin would kill him with the blade hidden in her glasses before he could make a single handsign. The ANBU flickered out of sight, and he was glad to have him gone. Something about them was deeply unnerving. With a jerk of his head, he signaled to the woman by his side that she should follow. He informed her as he led the way, “This place is a maze if you don't know where you're going.”

 

Behind him, Sakura held two large, brown bags in her arms, just like he did. “I can see that,” she remarked as she looked around. She'd been in one of Orochimaru’s hideouts before; at least the decor in this one was a little more welcoming. It still made her nervous, but she was gradually becoming accustomed to Orochimaru and his eccentricities because of Sasuke. Several lengthy talks with Lady Tsunade on the matter taught her that Orochimaru had been a little strange since childhood, and his unique personality was only due in part to the path he'd chosen before in life.

 

“You're sure it's okay for me to be down here?” she asked. “I don't want it to seem like I'm spying for the Leaf.”

 

“Just what a spy would say.” Suigetsu’s grin of sharp teeth showed that he was joking. “Nah, you're Sasuke’s chick. That makes you a part of the chaos, far as I'm concerned.”

 

She found that oddly endearing. “Thanks, Suigetsu.” 

 

When they entered the kitchen, Karin was sitting on the floor against a wall, waiting for them. She wasn't surprised to see Sakura; she'd sensed her chakra signature before they'd even arrived. She didn't bother to get up. Suigetsu scowled and set his bags down on the counter before walking up to her. He kicked her foot, demanding, “Get up and help, lazy bitch.” She didn't respond. Suigetsu bristled. “Come the fuck on, already.”

 

Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder and moved him back, taking his place. She knelt down in front of Karin, taking her face in her hands. “Karin, can you look at me? I need you to open your eyes.”

 

Karin’s eyelids felt like they were made of lead. Sakura's fingers were ice against her skin. She wanted to move, but it was just so hard. She rallied herself enough to open her eyes and gaze vacantly at the Leaf kunoichi. Sakura gently turned her head from one side to the other, quietly examining. Suigetsu huffed over her shoulder. “Screw this, I'm out of here.”

 

Sakura reached behind her and caught him by his pants leg. “What did she take?” She asked, her voice level.

 

“The fuck should I know?”

 

“Suigetsu,” Sakura snapped, looking back at him. Her green eyes betrayed her urgency. “What did she take?”

 

“I dunno,” Suigetsu assured her. “But I, uh, I can go look. Just… hold on, okay?” He jumped in place once before running down the hall towards Karin’s room.

 

Sakura turned her attention back to her patient. “Talk to me, Karin. What are you feeling? What did you take?”

 

“Tired,” the word left her lips in a whisper as she fought to keep her eyes open. Her pupils were dilated. They really needed to be at a hospital, but Sakura didn't have many options. “I want to sleep.”

 

“No, you don't. Stay with me.” Sakura patted her on the cheek, trying to help her maintain consciousness. “I need to know what you took. Can you tell me?”

 

Suigetsu barreled into the kitchen, clutching bottles in his hands. “These were on her bedside table.”

 

Sakura jumped to her feet and took them from him. “Keep her awake.”

 

Suigetsu did as he was told, albeit far less gently. “Wake the fuck up,” he demanded, flicking Karin’s forehead. “You don't get to check out first, you got that?”

 

“Dammit!” Sakura swore, slamming a bottle on the counter. “You can't mix this!” She ran her hands through her hair on the sides of her head. “Okay, okay. She needs to purge. Get the trash can.” While Suigetsu retrieved it, she opened the pack on her hip. She took a stick between her hands and held it at the ready. As soon as Suigetsu put the can on Karin’s lap, Sakura snapped it in half and held it beneath Karin’s nostrils. The redhead responded almost instantaneously.

 

Karin heaved up the contents of her stomach into the trash can. She coughed and tried to catch her breath, but her body was wracked by another convulsion. Sakura rubbed Karin’s back in a futile attempt at comfort. “You have an examination room, right?” When Suigetsu nodded, Sakura directed, “Take us there.”

 

Suigetsu picked Karin up off the floor, holding her bridal-style. When she didn't resist, he was suspicious. When her head fell against his chest, he realized just how dire the situation truly was. “Follow me.” He did his best not to jostle Karin too much as he ran. The closest lab was Orochimaru’s, where Mitsuki had been kept when they first arrived. He knew he didn't have time to consider alternatives or consequences. Gently, he lay Karin down upon the metal table.

 

“I need you to do exactly as I say,” Sakura ordered as she tied back her hair. “Find me an I.V. and a bag of saline solution. We have to flush out her system.”

 

The last thing Karin saw was Suigetsu’s face as he suspended the bag on the stand above her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think! I'm not that accustomed to writing angst, so I would love to hear from you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loneliness oh won't you let me be  
> Let me be and I will set you free  
> Don't you think if it was up to me  
> I would choose to be happy  
> \- The Lumineers, "Sailor Song (Moitessier)"

The first sensation to register in her mind was the icy touch of metal underneath her back. The next was the tension of her skin as her chest rose and fell, certain patches held taut by adhesive pads scattered above and below her left breast. The same, unyielding touch sat in the crook of her elbow, this time accompanied by a rigidity that wasn’t anywhere else. When she shifted, she felt wires brush against her flesh. Her hearing came back next, alerting her to the incessant beeping from behind her head. It increased in frequency, screeching out its message into the room.

 

Hesitantly, she opened her eyes. They burned when she was met with artificial light, far too close to have come from one of the ceiling units. She turned her head to the right, and her body froze when she recognized her surroundings. No, not this. Not this again. Those stasis tubes, those shelves, those computers. No, not here. Anywhere but here.

 

She fought against her body to sit up. It took a great deal of effort, but she was able to win control over herself. Unsure how long it would last, she rushed into pulling away the adhesive pads of the heart monitor. Once she’d freed herself, the machine began to cry in a constant tone, flatlining when it didn’t register her pulse. Fuck. She had to move. She still had control. Far less carefully than she should have, she tore the I.V. needle from her arm, not bothering to cover the wound. None of it mattered, anyway. She was dreaming. This time, she had a chance to fight, and she was taking it.

 

Blindly, she looked around for her glasses on instinct. No, none of that mattered. She was going to wake up before this dream took her where she knew it wanted to go. Her body fought against her when her feet touched the floor, trying to keep her where she should have been. Breaking the pattern meant contradicting this nightmare of a memory, and her mind was trying to keep her from doing so. No. She would be stronger. She wasn’t going to give in, not tonight.

 

Her feet carried her halfway to the door before she stumbled. Her hands reached out, and she caught herself against the tile floor. She could hear someone running. No. Goddammit, no. It wasn’t going to end like this. She scrambled backwards, looking for her glasses in her impaired eyesight. She couldn’t fight if she couldn’t see. She was running out of time. Fuck the glasses. They were no longer a priority. Her fingers groped the countertop in search of a weapon. Something, anything, that she could defend herself with was welcome.

 

A scalpel. It wasn’t much, but Kabuto had taught her years ago how to be lethal with such a small instrument, even in battle. It might not do her much good; he was still far more skilled than she was, and could easily disarm her. But she had to try. If nothing else, it might buy her some time to run. It wasn’t likely that she would escape, but she had to do everything in her power to try. She owed that to herself. Even in a memory, she needed to do what she’d been powerless to even think of back then. She was older. She was a killer. And she wasn’t going down without a fight.

 

Surprise would be her partner. She tucked the scalpel against her forearm, holding it tightly as she crouched down. She bent her head and covered it with her arms, making herself appear vulnerable. In her conscious mind, she was too proud to play such a trick. With bated breath, she waited until the footsteps stopped before her. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she struck.

 

Springing up, she used her body weight and momentum to tackle him to the ground. Her knees pinned his arms to the floor, and she swung sharply down with the scalpel. One swift blow to the carotid artery. That’s all she needed. Her eyes widened in panic when she didn’t get the resistance she was expecting. The blade of the scalpel dug into the tile floor, wrenching itself from her hand. Too late, she tried to spin around, but her body fell forward, and her arms were pinned behind her back.

 

“Get off of me!” she shrieked, sounding more like a banshee than a woman. She kicked and thrashed and bit, but she couldn’t get free. “Get away from me, you sick son of a bitch!”

 

“What the hell is going on?!”

 

“She’s lost her fucking mind!”

 

“She needs a sedative!”

 

“No shit!”

 

Karin screamed in rage when she felt a hand fist in the hair on the back of her head. A needle punctured her neck, and it was but a few moments before her body began to relax. She felt like she was in a fog. A pair of hands helped her sit up and lean against the wall. At such a close proximity, she was able to recognize Suigetsu’s face. What was he doing here? He didn’t belong. Someone let him out of his stasis tube. Was it Orochimaru? The shark-boy wasn’t smart enough to break out on his own.

 

This memory was all wrong. It didn’t make any sense. But, perhaps, breaking the cycle was what she needed to make the nightmares end. She lifted her right arm slowly and wrapped the cloth of Suigetsu’s shirt in her fist. “Get me out of here.”

 

* * *

 

In that moment, he saw fear in her eyes. It was a level of vulnerability that he’d never experienced with her, and it was startling. This woman made his life a living hell, day in and day out, for years. She did nothing less than torture him on a regular basis. Mere minutes ago, she’d tried to slit his throat. And yet, he felt sorry for her. “You’re okay,” he assured her, his own voice sounding distant. The sedative should take her soon enough. He glanced over his shoulder at Sakura, who was looking on with worry. “Is she tripping?”

 

“She isn’t lucid,” Sakura answered him. “I don’t think she knows I’m here, and I’m pretty sure she only just realized who you are. There’s something wrong with her psyche. Did something happen recently?”

 

“No.” Suigetsu shook his head. Karin’s hand loosened and fell from his shirt. “I’m going to take her to her room.”

 

“I can examine her better, here.”

 

Suigetsu lifted Karin off the floor. “Something about this room is freaking her out. She might have another episode if she comes-to in this lab.”

 

There wasn’t anything she could say to object, and so she followed him through the maze of hallways. Thank god Juugo had left to train on his own. Seeing Karin in the middle of a psychotic break might just have sent him over the edge as well. Upon entering Karin’s bedroom, Sakura took a moment to look around. If she was lucky, she might find a clue. She was in the dark until Karin became lucid enough to tell her what exactly was going on. Unfortunately, Sakura couldn’t know how serious her condition was unless she knew. It was like walking in circles.

 

Suigetsu lay Karin down on her own bed, which she responded to much better than the examination table. The time to be proud had passed. “What's wrong with her?” he asked, not ashamed to seem worried. She's gone right off the deep end. Anyone would be concerned, especially after they were almost murdered.

 

“She's been self-medicating with opioids,” Sakura admitted, turning to face him. “I don't know if she intended to take such a high dose, but it seems like she took too much. I just wish I knew how long this has been going on. You're sure you didn't notice anything different?”

 

“I mean, she looked sick today, but she's been her usual, bitchy self most of the time. It's not like she'd tell _me_ if something was up.”

 

“What about Juugo?”

 

“You really don't know Karin, do you? She's one of those independent woman types. Says she doesn't need anybody or anything. Been like that since I met her.”

 

“When was that?”

 

“Long fucking time ago. Shit, I had to be ten, at the oldest? Time wasn't really clear when I was stuck in a glorified test tube.”

 

Sakura supposed that was enough time for him to recognize and identify patterns in her behavior. “She's too intelligent not to know what she's taking and that it's addictive. I just need to know if she didn't care or if she wanted her body to react this way.”

 

“Nah. No way she'd go and off herself. Trust me, she's too spiteful for that. I mean, she'd at least take someone down with her.”

 

For a moment neither of them spoke. “Does this have to do with Sasuke?” Sakura asked hesitantly.

 

“... Shit.” He then shook his head. “No, no way. She'd get mopey and bitch to anyone with ears. Her temper’s bad as ever, and she seems tired, not sad. Unless she's been harping on it. I don't know how her head works.”

 

“I want her to come to the village weekly for therapy.”

 

Suigetsu snorted. “Yeah.”

 

“I'm serious.”

 

“Look, Sakura. Karin doesn't talk. And, no offense, she isn't gonna talk about her crush leaving her with the _same person_ she was left for. It’s just not gonna happen.”

 

“She has to open up.”

 

“She only does what she wants to do. Ask her yourself when she wakes up.”

 

“I intend to.”

 

* * *

 

When Karin awoke, her mind was clear, and she was able to take in her surroundings. She was in her own bed. Thank god. Everything had felt so real that she was worried she’d been sleepwalking; yet nothing seemed unusual. She sat up, tugging the hem of her long-sleeved t-shirt back down over her stomach. Her fingers brushed the wooden bedside table, and she frowned when she couldn’t find her glasses. That was odd. A quick search above and below her bed didn’t provide any result, either. Her first instinct was irrational, and she knew it. Still, the nagging thought that Suigetsu had stolen them wouldn’t leave her alone. It was just like him to do something like that.

 

At least, she kept an old pair around just in case. They weren’t as strong as she needed, and they gave her a bit of a headache, but they would help her see until she could find her normal pair. She opened her bedside drawer and pulled them out of their plastic case, flipping out the arms and perching them on the bridge of her nose. Finally, everything wasn’t one big blur. She reached back inside, frowning when she found the drawer empty. That wasn’t right. Where were they? She stood and verified that there was nothing else in the drawer.

 

Dammit! He took her glasses  _ and _ her pills? That son of a bitch. As she left her bedroom, barefooted and angry, she contemplated unique ways to make him suffer for pestering her. He could never just leave well enough alone. No. He had to sneak into her room and steal what she needed to survive. How would he like it if she kept him from drinking water? 

 

“Karin!”

 

The redhead stopped and turned, confused. Sakura was running down the hall after her. But why? What was she doing here? “Sakura…?” she didn’t try to hide her surprise, and she was a little less enthusiastic than she would have pretended to be had she not just woken up.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

Karin arched an eyebrow. “I’m… fine? How long have you been here? Wait,  _ why _ are you here?”

 

Sakura’s green eyes filled with worry, and Karin took a step back from the kunoichi. Something was wrong, but she didn’t know what. Why was she looking at her like that? 

 

“Can we talk?”

 

Okay, what the hell? “Sure, I guess.” Karin was wary. Her body language was showing a fight-or-flight response due to the sudden, and unexpected, friendliness coming her way. Sakura shouldn’t even be here. She belonged in the village. She wasn’t a part of Orochimaru’s merry band of outcasts.

 

Karin unlocked the door to her lab and held it open, letting Sakura inside. She flipped the lights and took a seat in her rolling chair, while Sakura perched herself on one of the metal stools. “Do you need something from me?” the redhead inquired, trying to piece together what was happening. Sakura was far too calm for anything to have happened to Sasuke. Yet, she wasn’t likely to pay a social call. There was something wrong here.

 

Sakura was silent for a long while. Karin was about to get up and leave when the Leaf ninja spoke. “I’m concerned,” she admitted. “About you, I mean. You really scared us yesterday. You can’t go doing things like that.”

 

Karin frowned. Hesitantly, she asked, “What are you talking about?”

 

Sakura looked up at her, suddenly understanding. “Karin, you were almost in critical condition. You were on the floor when I got here. But you really don’t remember that.” It wasn’t a question. “Whatever you took to sleep had an adverse reaction with what you take in the morning. You could hardly move. When you woke up, you had a psychotic episode. You tried to stab Suigetsu with a scalpel.”

 

Karin bit back a retort about being willing to do that on any given day. “Good to know.”

 

“You need to talk to me, Karin. What’s going on?”

 

“I haven’t been sleeping.” She didn’t care to elaborate. “It didn’t work, anyway, so I won’t take it again. Don’t worry.” 

 

Apparently, that wasn’t good enough. “Why can’t you sleep?”

 

“Insomnia.”

 

Sakura sighed. “Listen. I really want you to start seeing a doctor in the village. I think you have some things you need to work through. It’s just like seeing a doctor for a broken arm.”

 

“Don’t patronize me,” Karin snapped, eyes narrowed. “I’m fine, and I don’t need your help. I don’t interfere with your life, so don’t interfere with mine.”

 

The Leaf kunoichi held up both hands. “I’m sorry,” she backtracked. “But, please, for my peace of mind, can I check your vitals before I go? I just want to make sure you’re over the worst of it.”

 

“Fine,” she huffed, allowing Sakura to walk over to her with her medical pack. Karin sat still while Sakura tested her blood pressure and checked her pulse. The medi-nin took out her stethoscope. “This will be cold,” she warned.

 

“It’s fine.” Karin’s tone was short. Sakura bit back a sigh and leaned forward, using the fingers of one hand to pull the collar of Karin’s shirt down low enough that she could rest the scope above her heart. She forgot to listen for a moment. This close, she could see thousands upon thousands of small scars dotting Karin’s neck. What she could see of her chest was also marked the same way. She wanted to ask, but she knew better than to be rude.

 

“Alright, everything looks good,” Sakura stated.

 

Karin’s regard was icy, and Sakura felt her stomach drop. Logically, she knew that Karin had every right to hate her. Suigetsu had even taken the time to warn her of it. And yet, she had hoped that wouldn’t be the case. She put her things away and fastened her pack to her waist. “If you still have trouble sleeping, come by the hospital, or send one of the others. I’ll have some sleep aids for you that aren’t nearly as dangerous.”

 

She was almost out the door when, from the other side of the room, she could have sworn Karin said “Thank you.” She smiled to herself and continued on her way, hopeful. She would like it very much if they could learn to be friends.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sat alone, in bed 'til the morning  
> I'm crying, "They're coming for me."  
> And I tried to hold these secrets inside me  
> My mind's like a deadly disease  
> \- Halsey, "Control"

It took three days for Karin to cave and accept Sakura’s offer.  She was too proud to let anyone know what she was doing, and her trip to the Hidden Leaf was excused by her need for supplies; latex gloves, bandages, and tubing were running low in Orochimaru’s personal laboratory, and a trip would need to be made to the hospital sometime soon. It was by the grace of the universe that Karin hadn’t run into Sakura. She didn’t want to jinx herself by asking where she was. After taking some time to purchase a few other necessities for herself. It was difficult to resist the urge to stop by the okonomiyaki stand she passed, but she promised herself that she would come back another time. Whether she would or not wasn’t clear, even to her. She only knew that she didn’t want to linger, and that the food wouldn’t be any good by the time she returned.

 

That night, she sat on her bed, reading the printed label on the bottle she’d been given. She wasn’t pleased that the characters Uzumaki Karin were written in the top corner; that would mean she now had a file at the hospital. Legally, she hadn’t existed in ten years; this meant a new paper trail. She didn’t like invasions of her privacy, and the thought that Sakura might have recorded her little incident made her muscles tense. She would have to get rid of it when she had the chance.

 

 _Take one tablet by mouth at bedtime_.

 

Easy enough. As much as she disliked Sakura, it was undeniable that the woman knew what she was doing when it came to medicine. Hopefully, this would finally do the trick. Something had to. If this went on much longer, she was going to lose her mind.

 

She uncapped the bottle and shook a pill into her palm. At that moment, she sensed a flare of chakra; it was non-violent, clearly done to announce a presence. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. The feeling was cold, but not entirely painful, like the sensation of ice against a minor burn.

Karin stepped out of her bedroom and followed the signature only to find Sakura, who was outfitted in one of the Leaf’s flak vests. To her right, Sasuke extended a scroll to Orochimaru, who took it and began to read.

 

“What’s going on?” Karin asked, walking boldly into the room. All three turned to her. “Sasuke, I thought you were off in the Land of Iron.”

 

“I was.” Apparently, that was all the information she was going to get.

 

“I see,” Orochimaru mused as he rolled the parchment back. “Good work. I trust you have already shared this with your Hokage?”

 

“Lord Sixth sent me immediately. He asks that we begin as quickly as possible.”

 

“Very well,” Orochimaru sighed. “I suppose it can’t be helped. I did agree to a certain level of cooperation, although I’m loathe to agree to everything. I can’t be defenseless, you see.”

 

“You’re hardly a fragile old man,” Sasuke reminded him. “Even so, Lord Sixth is uncertain about Juugo. I’m sure he won’t argue if we leave him behind. Suigetsu and Karin will suffice.”

 

Karin, arms crossed, held up one hand to Sasuke. Looking at Orochimaru, she asked, “Wait, what? I haven’t agreed to anything. If this involves me, I want a briefing. Now.”

 

“You can be briefed on the way,” Sasuke decided for his former mentor. “Go get dressed and packed. We’ll be gone for quite some time, so be prepared. I’d advise bringing warmer clothing. You’ll want it once we reach the Land of Iron.”

 

“Now wait just a damned minute!” Karin snapped. Sasuke was taken aback, even though he didn’t show it. She almost never spoke to him that way; that particular tone was almost exclusively reserved for Suigetsu.

 

“Karin. Go.”

 

The redhead seethed, glaring at the Uchiha. Who the hell did he think he was?! He abandoned them! What right did he have to waltz back in and expect them to jump for him?! She had half a mind to rip him a new one. Before she could, she caught Orochimaru’s gaze.

 

“You need to be on this mission, as does Suigetsu. Be a dear and wake him, would you?”

 

Through clenched teeth, she agreed, “Yes, my lord.”

* * *

 

 

“What do you _mean_ you haven’t given it back?!” Karin shouted as she ran alongside Suigetsu. The Executioner’s blade was strapped to his back, and his violet eyes glinted in mischief as he grinned. He’d been told to return the blade to the Hidden Mist after the war had ended. Well, told, ordered, threatened - who was keeping track?

 

He had the gall to laugh at her. “I’m already a rogue nin! What’re they gonna do? Send somebody after me?”

 

“Would you both _shut up_ ,” Sasuke growled from the head of the group.

 

“Hey, we’re not your bitches anymore, ya know,” Suigetsu spat.

 

“We’re traveling in the dead of night because we want to stay _hidden_. Yelling isn’t the way to do that.”

 

“He has a point,” Sakura offered, albeit a bit nervously. “Would it be better if I switched with one of you?”

 

“I don’t trust her behind me!” Suigetsu glared at Karin.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

Sakura sighed.

 

“Now, what exactly’s going on?” Karin pressed. She’d waited long enough.

 

“Sasuke’s been investigating rumours about  a group of fanatics who want to dismantle the villages and bring us back to the time of the warring states,” Sakura began.

 

“Call it what it is; it’s a cult.” Sasuke frowned in disdain. “They claim that peace is ruining the earth, that the land needs blood to survive.”

 

“Well isn’t that nice,” Suigetsu sneered.

 

“At first, they were committing small raids in the Land of Iron. But they’ve gotten bold. They’re aiming for major villages now. We can’t be sure of their numbers, and we need to take them out before they can cause any real damage.”

 

Sasuke came to a stop on a large branch before dropping to the ground. He turned to the rest of his squad, who had followed his lead. “Sakura’s the only one of us who is officially associated with a village. I don’t need to remind you to be discreet. We’re still in plenty of bingo books.”

 

“Come on, have a little faith in us!” Suigetsu elbowed Sasuke in the ribs. “We’ve survived way worse than some crazy cultists.”

 

Sasuke looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, and Suigetsu flinched. Somehow, he’d become even more intimidating once peace fell on their world. At his side, Karin felt somewhat ill at the surge in chakra. She didn’t know exactly when she stopped being able to stand Sasuke’s chakra, but it held so much dark power that it was almost revolting. It was almost heartbreaking to think of how his signature used to be.

 

“Let’s move,” Sasuke ordered, leaving her with no more time for reflection. Just like before, they moved as a unit, falling easily back into their former roles. It was too close for comfort. This was no different than being in that hideout. No matter what she did, she couldn’t escape the last ten years of her life.

 

She could feel Sakura watching her from behind. She was being studied. Why did it have to be her? Suigetsu could have run into anyone that day. Just another turn of her bad luck, and the end wasn’t in sight.

* * *

 

 

They ran until the sun had risen, reached its peak, and set once more. Fatigue was beginning to set in. Going without sleep had left Karin weaker than usual, but she refused to speak up and complain. She was going to hold her own. She had to, for her own sake. Her pride would kill her one day, but not anytime soon. Yet, her muscles screamed at her when they finally stopped moving. She plopped down, cross-legged, underneath a winding oak. A tilt of her neck popped her vertebrae, releasing some of the tension she felt.

 

Her pack fell into the grass beside her as she started to make her small camp. It was too warm to use her bedding, so she settled for a night under the stars. Her fingers uncapped her water bottle, and she drank long and deep from the container. If there was any mercy in the universe, she would be able to sleep soundly that night. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and that was when she noticed Suigetsu. He was staring at her. She scowled in his direction, but he continued to watch her. Just before she could demand what he wanted, she realized that he was waiting for her reaction.

 

Sasuke and Sakura were laying side-by-side, talking amongst themselves. Ah, so that was it. She didn’t know how to react, because, to her own surprise, she felt nothing. No jealousy, no loss, not even happiness for them. Nothing at all. She couldn’t remember the last time she hadn’t felt _something_.

 

What shocked her most of all was that this nothingness wasn’t from her survival skill of going numb. There was always raw emotion beneath the numbness, something that was just out of reach. She knew that feeling all too well. But this, this was different.

 

She brushed her hair back from her face and wondered when she had fallen out of love with Sasuke.

 

Suigetsu was still watching her, and she couldn't deal with that. He expected something from her: rage, pain, tears, she didn't know. But it was nothing she could give him, even if she wanted to. She looked to him, expressing nothing, before getting to her feet. Neither Sasuke or Sakura noticed when she walked into the woods, away from the campfire in search of a moment of peace.

 

It was a moment she wouldn't get, if the chakra signature following her had anything to say about it. “Yo, Karin! Wait up!” Suigetsu jogged a few steps to catch up with her. “You okay?”

 

“Why do you care?” the lack of anger in her voice threw him off guard. It was like she truly wanted to know.

 

“I just figured you might be having a hard time with the whole Sasuke thing, and you really freaked me out earlier this week. I just-”

 

“I'm not suicidal,” she cut him off. If she was going to kill herself, she would have done so years ago. “I don't care. I really don't. It's almost like I never did. So don't worry about me. I just wanted to take a walk.”

 

“I'm coming with.”

 

“If you ask me about my feelings again, I'll kill you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

He followed a half-step beside her as she strayed further into the woods. It was obvious that she didn’t have a destination in mind. The longer they walked, the more frequently she began to yawn. He began counting the seconds between them, and when she was down to thirty seconds, he reached out and caught her wrist. “You’re exhausted. We need to go back and get some sleep.”

“I don’t want to.”

 

“Look, I’m telling you, if it’s Sasuke, we can tell them to fuck off and camp somewhere else-”

 

“I meant that I don’t want to sleep.” It was more of an admission than she intended it to be. “You can go back, if you want. I’m not ready yet.”

 

Suigetsu huffed and laced his fingers behind his head. “Stubborn bitch,” he prodded. “You’re gonna collapse if you don’t sleep. You were holding us back today. Now don’t make me throw you over my shoulder and carry you back, because I will.”

 

“You could try,” she hissed.

 

“As if you could fight me off right now. You’re dead on your feet.” He paused. “You and I both know that Sasuke will leave you behind if you can’t keep up. He won’t give it a second thought.”

 

Karin bit back a bitter laugh. He would, and she knew it. Had he always been so callous? It wasn’t surprising, now. Of course he would discard her when she was no longer useful. That had been her fate ever since she was young. “Maybe that’s for the best.”

 

“Alright, fuck it.” Suigetsu grabbed her roughly and threw her over his shoulder, ignoring the half-hearted punches and kicks she delivered to his body. Even with what little strength she had left, she would have caused far more damage if she put her heart into it. She was fighting him, but it was as if she didn’t want to win. “You really piss me off, you know that?”

 

“Go to hell.”

 

“You first.”

* * *

 

 

“Dammit! This wasn't supposed to happen!” Kabuto hissed in pain when Karin helped lower him down onto the ground, where he could sit and rest. He was bleeding from his head, the blood making it difficult to see out his left eye. His glasses were filthy. “I signed the contract. Manda was supposed to obey me!”

 

The large snake had openly laughed in Kabuto’s face. He was called an upstart and an imbecile, and Manda threw him around a few times to get his point across. When Karin lashed out with her Adamantine Attacking Chains technique, Manda saw it fit to return from where he came. The threat of being sealed wasn't one he intended to face.

 

“I know. We can figure it out later. For now,” Karin dutifully rolled up her sleeve and offered her arm to him. Kabuto took her wrist in his hand and swept his thumb across her pulse point, studying her marred skin.

 

“I'll heal just fine on my own.” He always did this to her, Karin thought in the part of her mind that knew she was dreaming. He would refuse to inconvenience her, make her think she was in control of the situation, when she was being manipulated. He had every intention of using her chakra; yet he convinced her to offer it, to insist, to give freely to him because he was the only one who gave her any sort of choice or control.

 

“Please. You need it.” Karin pled with him. “I trust you.”

 

He smiled in that disarming way of his and reached with his free hand to cup her cheek. Despite herself, she leaned into the touch. It was distracting enough that she didn't quite feel his teeth sink into her forearm. Like always, he took only what he needed to heal; he wouldn't use her to replenish his chakra reserves, no matter how she insisted. He released her wrist, but his fingers lingered in their touch. “Truly remarkable,” he murmured, almost to himself. Karin fought the color rising to her cheeks. “Thank you, Karin.”

 

“No need,” she assured him. With both hands, she removed his glasses and put them on the ground beside her. She rose up on her knees and began to clean the blood from his face. He obediently tilted his head where she guided him. “You'll need to bathe to get the blood out of your hair.”

 

Kabuto chuckled. “I guess I didn't stain my hair enough to pass for an Uzumaki.”

 

Karin smiled at his joke. “You wish.” She set the dirty cloth aside when she was done. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw his smile, unguarded in a rare moment of peace. Before she could stop herself, she leaned forward, pressing her lips against his.

 

He pulled back to voice uncertainty. “Karin…” As if he hadn't seen this coming, hadn't encouraged it. She didn't know then just how manipulated and artificial the bond she thought existed between them truly was. She was fifteen, misconstruing his appreciation of her usefulness for love. Undeterred, she leaned forward again, kissing him with fervor. She straddled his hips and her hands found his neck and shoulder. His arms wound around her, his hands on her back. He returned the gesture, more skilled than she was, as in everything else. She had always been a fast learner.

 

His hands slid down to her hips, and her lips parted against his. She shivered when he caught her bottom lip between his teeth. Suddenly, he moved away, just enough so that he could look her in the eyes. Seeing that they were closed, he murmured, “Look at me.” Once she’d done so, he continued. “No one can know about this. If word gets out, I won’t be able to mentor you. You’ve come so far, and I don’t want to be the reason you can’t excel.” A bunch of flowery lies.

 

She nodded her head, never breaking his gaze. “I understand.”

 

He reached up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She was a puppet on strings, reacting predictably to words and actions. It was all too easy, almost boring, at this point. And yet, this was an exciting development. He smiled at her kindly. “Good girl,” he purred. His lips made contact at the juncture of her jaw and neck, and she sighed oh so enticingly. Yes, this was going to be interesting, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd love to hear from you! Please let me know if you're enjoying; it gives me motivation <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if I go out tonight, dress up my fears  
> You think I look alright with these mascara tears?  
> See I'm gonna draw up my lipstick wider than my mouth  
> And if the lights are low they'll never see me frown  
> \- Paramore, "Fake Happy"

Suigetsu strolled back to the campsite as if nothing were amiss. He even gave Sasuke and Sakura a cordial wave, which they both returned with blank stares. It took all of his self-control not to laugh. Karin had given up the fight a while ago, and she was honestly a little relieved to no longer be on her feet. It wasn’t like she had a reputation to maintain among these three anymore. They’d all seen her at her worst in one way or another. She fell into resigned acceptance, conserving her energy for later. She would pay Suigetsu back in full, but he wouldn’t expect it. She could wait just as long as she had to to catch him by surprise. 

 

Unceremoniously, he deposited her onto the ground. Her tailbone stung from the impact, and she scowled up at him. He unclasped his sword from his back and sat down beside her. She shifted away a few inches. “What’re you doing?”

 

“Making sure you sleep.”

 

“You’re going to sit there and watch me? That’s creepy, even for you.”

 

“I won’t have to watch you if you actually sleep.”

 

“Try  _ anything _ and I will cut you into pieces and feed you to the animals.”

 

Suigetsu spat. “Right, like I’d be desperate enough to do something like that. Just go the fuck to sleep.”

 

With a half-hearted glare, she lay down in the grass and turned her back to him. Why was he doing this? It made her wary. She knew better at this point in her life than to mistake a few gestures for genuine concern. He was up to something, but she didn’t know exactly what it was. She removed her glasses and folded the arms, but she kept them in her fist, just in case. She could take off the plastic arm and use the hidden blade within seconds, should she need to. 

 

Suigetsu kept one eye on her until her breathing visibly slowed. It was too even for her to be faking it; he’d seen her try before. No, she had actually fallen asleep, much to his relief. She seemed to be hanging on by a thread. He sighed in relief.

 

Across the campsite, Sasuke was looking at him. He couldn’t read the Uchiha’s expression, and it was more than a little unnerving. His first thought was jealousy, but he had Sakura beside him, and there was nothing for him to be jealous  _ of _ . He wouldn’t show concern for either of them; that became clear a long time ago. Whatever it was that passed through Sasuke’s mind, Suigetsu had no way of knowing. He arched one white eyebrow at the team leader, almost daring him to come out with whatever it was he was thinking. Sasuke looked away, and that was that. 

 

The sword-wielder shifted back and leaned against the trunk of the tree towering over them. He crossed his arms and leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment. He’d have to sleep sometime soon, as well, but it couldn’t hurt to keep watch for a little while. 

 

* * *

 

Karin was at her desk, filling in the lines of her notebook as she recorded her observations from that afternoon. To her left was Orochimaru’s latest curiosity. The stasis tube appeared empty. The only sign that there was something inside was the repulsive chakra signature that Karin couldn’t tune out. It flared in anger every time she looked over, and it would have been amusing if she could stomach it. Normally, she would have requested not to work on this particular project, but Kabuto had asked her specifically to take over is work on the subject. Lord Orochimaru’s health was deteriorating again, and he needed more time to tend to the sannin. She, of course, had readily accepted the task.

 

The door behind her opened, and two sets of footsteps approached. When they stopped, Karin pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and stood, turning to face her guests. Orochimaru’s face was heavily bandaged, and he looked even paler than usual. He needed to find a new vessel, and he needed one quickly. Karin was relieved to know that she was safe from candidacy; Kabuto had assured her that her usefulness to Orochimaru put her outside the selection pool, just like himself.

 

“My lord,” Karin greeted him with a slight bow. To Kabuto, she gave a slight nod, which he returned. 

 

They had come to an effective protocol. Karin was not to show any inclination toward him whatsoever; according to Kabuto, Orochimaru wouldn’t permit her to study under him any longer if he knew. Even the lab couldn’t be trusted, now that it contained a handful of living specimens. It was illogical to take unnecessary risks. If she listened and excelled in her work, Kabuto claimed that as an excuse to bring her along on certain missions. She looked forward to those rewards, going as far as to pick up additional projects.

 

Kabuto’s praise fed her soul. His smiles, the brief touches on her shoulder or arm, they were hers alone. The thought made her heart race, and she quickly diverted her thoughts. “What may I do for you?”

 

“Lord Orochimaru wishes to send us to the Eastern hideout to scout potential vessels among the prisoners,” Kabuto informed her. She hid her excitement well. “It’s imperative that we leave as soon as possible. Your research can wait.”

 

Orochimaru nodded, apparently unable to speak for the bandages. Karin couldn’t recall seeing him in such a weakened state. It was a honor to be trusted enough for him to show himself this way, but also to be tasked with finding his new body. “Yes, my lord,” Karin bowed to Orochimaru in reverence. 

 

“Thirty minutes. We’ll meet at the entrance.” Kabuto graced her with a pleased smile. She stood until he and Orochimaru had exited the lab. Hurriedly, she closed and put away her notebook and made sure her station was clean. 

 

When her half hour was up, she stood at the entrance, anxiously awaiting her companion. He was far less impatient, radiating an air of calm that helped settle her down. He wouldn’t be pleased if she acted with impatience. A brief touch on her shoulder, and she followed at his heels.

 

“Well, little fire, look how far you’ve come. I don’t need to tell you how much of an honor it is for Lord Orochimaru to trust you so.”

 

She let herself flood with pride. “It’s thanks to you,” she deferred. 

 

“You’ve done well. I’m very pleased.” He noticed her blush. The way she responded to his praise was exhilarating. She seemed to hang on his every word. “I didn’t need to request your assistance; Lord Orochimaru insisted. If you keep it up, I think he’ll begin to treat the two of us as a unit.”

 

“You think so?” There was such hope in her voice.

 

“I do. I know Lord Orochimaru better than anyone else. It’s only a matter of time. I don’t doubt that you’ll be coming along on espionage missions with me soon enough. We’ll need to work on your acting skills,” he chuckled.

 

“I can act!” she protested with a harumph.

 

“Not when you blush so easily.” She proved his point by doing so. “You have to do better than that!”

 

“Shut up!”

 

“I don’t think I will.”

* * *

 

Several hours passed before Suigetsu opened his eyes again, awoken by a strange sound. It took him a moment to realize that it was Karin. The redhead tossed and turned fitfully, crying out softly in her sleep. The sight came as a shock; she seemed so vulnerable. Afraid, even. Instinctively, he sat up and reached out, shaking her shoulder to wake her. 

 

She gasped, her eyes flying open as she jerked away from his touch. Reality came back to her in a wave, and the panic in her eyes faded almost instantly. She brushed her hair back from her face the way she did when she was self-conscious. “Sorry,” she murmured, not sure what she should say. He’d caught her in the middle of one of her worse nightmares, and she was loathe to admit it. She must have been acting out in her sleep.

 

“You okay?” he asked, his voice heavy.

 

“Yeah.” Even she wouldn’t have believed herself. She looked haunted.

 

“You’re lying.”

 

There was no response. Suigetsu reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. She was trying to be difficult. “Just…” Frustratedly, he reached out and pulled her against his chest. She began to push him away, but he held tight. “Would you stop? God damn. I’m trying to help. Calm the fuck down.”

 

Despite herself, she felt her body relax. Exhaustion overtook her sensibilities, and she allowed herself to settle against him. “I hate you.”

 

Suigetsu huffed. “Shut up, bitch.”

 

“Freak.”

 

He ignored her, aware that their verbal volley would continue if he allowed it to. With a sigh, he leaned his head back against the trunk once more. He couldn’t be sure why she was so convinced that he constantly meant her harm. He could be a good guy when he wanted. It was just that he didn’t feel the inclination very often. But, he could worry about that later. For now, they needed all the rest they could get.

 

* * *

 

Karin had kept her distance ever since they woke that morning. She took Sakura up on her offer to switch places, bringing up the rear on that day’s journey. Sasuke kept the lead, which left Sakura and Suigetsu to run together. They chose not to speak. Both knew what was on the other’s mind, but they were too close to Sasuke and Karin to discuss it. Karin wouldn’t want them talking about her private business, and, if Sasuke found out, he might choose to leave her behind. She was essential to their squad dynamic as their sensor, and that simply wasn’t an option.

 

Less than three kilometers from the border with the Hidden Grass, Karin increased her speed. She leapt forward, overtaking Suigetsu and Sakura. When she caught up with Sasuke, she reported, “There are two squads of Grass shinobi guarding Tenchi Bridge, up ahead. We need to detour North and take Kanabi Bridge.”

 

It was a moment before Sasuke responded. “That will divert us by a quarter day.”

 

“We don’t have a choice. If we were all Leaf shinobi, it would be different. You said yourself that there are bounties on our heads.”

 

The Uchiha seethed, aware that she was right. “Very well.”

 

Karin fell back into position, and Sasuke took a sudden turn to the right. His squad followed behind, keeping themselves out of range for any Grass sensory ninja. An average sensor wouldn’t be able to pinpoint their location at this distance, which was to their advantage. If they kept this pace, they could pass through Grass territory and take refuge for the night in the Land of Earth, near the border. 

 

The squad passed over Kanabi bridge without incident, just as Karin had predicted. Unseen and unheard, they continued uncontested through the Grass, traversing the relatively small country in less than a day. It was agreed that they would stop for the night in a small village just on the other side of the Earth border to restock and gather enough supplies to carry them through the rest of the country. They would need one final supplies run before crossing into the Land of Iron. By the generosity of the sixth Hokage, they had been given a certain allotment of funds, which they dipped into so that they could spend the night in an inn rather than outside.

 

In Karin’s opinion, it would have made far more sense to put Sakura with her and Sasuke with Suigetsu, but she didn’t get a say in the matter. The more she thought about it, she supposed she was lucky. Sakura would have pressed her, asking invasive questions trying to psychoanalyze her. Karin didn’t need that kind of stress. Suigetsu was a thorn in her side, but he, at least, knew when to leave her alone. If she was serious enough in her resistance, he chose not to push the matter. A little spat here and there was one thing; he didn’t want to invoke the full extent of Karin’s rage.

 

That much was clear when he chose not to speak first. Her suspicion peaked when, without argument, he began to set up a makeshift bed on the tatami mat. “What’s your problem?” she hissed, all too aware why he was being accommodating. Suigetsu chose not to answer. She seethed. “I don’t need your pity, freak.” Still nothing. “I’m talking to you, asshole!”

 

Suigetsu caught the pillow she threw at his face. Rather than react, he set it at the head of his pallet. “I know. And I’m ignoring you, bitch. Deal with it.”

 

Karin resisted the urge to break his neck. He would only turn to water and soak her clothes. It was an impressive show of self-control on her part. Weighing her options, she finally settled on a plan of attack. “If you want to ask me something, do it. I’m not going to spend the next month like this with you.”

 

“You won’t answer me if I do.”

 

“Try me.”

 

“What happened last night?”

 

“I had a nightmare.”

 

“That was more than a nightmare.”

 

“I was asleep and had a bad dream. That’s the literal definition of a nightmare.”

 

“What was it about?”

 

“Nothing that concerns you.”

 

Suigetsu made a sweeping gesture with his hand, as if to say ‘there you go.’ 

 

“I have my own problems, okay? I don’t need you butting in.”

 

“If you aren’t going to talk about it, you need to get your shit together. You’re going to drag us all down with you. If you’re not at the top of your game, you put us in danger.”

 

“Fuck you-”

 

“I’m right, and you know it. Now stop being so damned selfish.”

 

Karin stood up from the bed and stomped across the room. The bathroom door slammed behind her with enough force to shake the wall. Suigetsu ground his teeth, choking down several colorful adjectives and nouns he wanted to unleash. She let him have the last word; his blow landed, that much was certain. Now, if he was lucky, she would sit and stew on it until she made up her mind. He told himself that it didn’t matter what she chose. Either way, he wasn’t risking her life just so that she could be stubborn.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the hour is nigh  
> And hopelessness is sinking in  
> And the wolves all cry  
> To fill the night with hollering  
> When your eyes are red  
> And emptiness is all you know  
> With the darkness fed  
> I will be your scarecrow  
> \- Imagine Dragons, "Bleeding Out"

Suigetsu failed in his blanket, forcibly sitting up as his heart threatened to pound out of his chest. What the fuck was that?! His sleep-addled brain managed to connect the dots when Karin cried out in her sleep, a sound almost like a half-choked sob. “Get away from me!” she shouted loudly enough that he was afraid she would wake the rest of the inn. “No! God, no!”

 

“Karin!” Suigetsu shook her by the shoulder frantically, his worry clear on his face. This was far from normal. What was going on in her head to make her react this way? “Karin!”

 

“Go away! Let me go!” Her voice was desperate, primal in a way he'd never heard it before. 

 

“Karin!”

 

Her eyes flew open and she gasped, shuffling across the bed to put as much distance as she could between herself and Suigetsu. From the light of the window, he could see trails of tears running from her eyes. God, she looked absolutely terrified. Consequences be damned; she was scaring him. Moving too quickly for her to react, he reached out and caught her in an embrace, pulling her to his chest. Her fists pounded against him, but he refused to let her go. Her final attempt was punctuated with a sob. The noise was nothing less than soulcrushing. 

 

“Hey, I've got you,” he assured her, even if he wasn't sure that this was what she needed. “You're safe.”

 

It was a moment of weakness that she would come to regret. Her hands fisted in his shirt, and the dam broke. All the sadness, frustration, and pain that had been building up inside of her came loose. Some part of her mind was disgusted and reminded her that this was  _ Suigetsu  _ but, by god, he was here and predictable and constant. 

 

He didn't know what he was doing. The best he could manage was an arm around her shoulders and a hand stroking her hair. There was no way to know how long he held her, how long it was before her sobs became quiet sniffs. Once her body stopped shaking, he lay down on his side, bringing her down with him because she wouldn't let go. He supposed that was alright. “It's okay,” he said for the hundredth time. “You're safe. It was just a dream.”

 

She shook her head against his chest. Muffled into his shirt came the words, “I don't want to remember.”

 

“Remember what?”

 

Her head shook a second time. 

 

“I can't help you if you don't talk to me.” 

 

At this, she pulled away and dried her eyes with her palms. “Why would you want to help me, anyway? We hate each other.” 

 

“I can hate and care about someone at the same time.”

 

“That's idiotic.”

 

“Well, it's true. You scared the shit out of me with your medicine stunt, and now you're screaming in your sleep. Like it or not, we’re stuck together. The sooner you let me in, the better things will be.”

 

She considered his words carefully. He was right. She would even admit that to him. But the words wouldn't come. If she started, she didn't know that she could stop. The pain was immense. She took a deep breath in. “Nothing I say to you leaves this room. I need you to swear it to me.”

 

The intense look in her eyes prompted words he had never spoken before. “On my brother’s grave.”

 

That surprised her greatly. His brother was a subject he never wanted to talk about with anyone. To promise her that… she knew he meant it. Her eyes fell to her hands, which wrung together in her lap. She began to pick nervously at her cuticles. “Bad memories of a relationship,” she admitted. That first step shook her almost to the core, but there was a sense of relief that came with it.

 

“I fucking  _ knew  _ Sasuke-”

 

“Not him,” Karin cut him off. For some reason, she couldn't look him in the eye. She shut her own as she breathed his name: “Kabuto.”

 

“What?!” Suigetsu looked at her like she'd grown a second head. “What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, he mentored you and shit, but…” his voice faded.

 

“At first… but then we got older.”

 

“He had six years on you. Six!”

 

“I initiated it.” It almost sounded like a defence. 

 

“Hold the fuck up. That doesn't matter! He…”

 

“We cared about each other. He taught me everything I know. He praised me to Orochimaru and helped me earn privileges I would have never had. He wanted me to succeed. He took me with him on missions, and I always had what I needed. Sure, he was strict, but only when I deserved it.”

 

“Karin. Listen to yourself. That's textbook manipulation.”

 

“No, it isn't. I know he cared. He just knew better than me most of the time. And there was nothing wrong with it then. It's just, after the war, I started having these nightmares, old memories of us that came back up, and now something feels wrong.”

 

“That isn't right. Kabuto uses people, Karin. He looks out for himself. You're having these nightmares because you're older and can see just how wrong he was. You have to believe me. He tried to do the same shit to me when I was his experiment. Tried to reward me for good behavior and punish me for the bad, like some kind of animal. He tried to train me. I think he trained you.”

 

“No.” Her voice was harsh. “No, he didn't do that. He cared about me. It was different.”

 

“Was it?”

 

That one question brought her to a standstill. Why would she be crying out in her sleep, trying to keep herself away from him if she truly believed there was nothing wrong? “He never did anything I didn't want him to do.”

 

“Did you want it, or did he make you think you did?”

 

“I… I don't know.”

 

“I need you to tell me what went on.”

 

“No, that's not necessary.”

 

“It is. He did a lot of fucked up shit to me, too. I know what it's like.”

 

“No. He didn't… I mean, I didn't…”

 

“Stop trying to defend him, Karin. What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?”

 

Her hesitation was enough of an answer. He had seen Kabuto strike her a handful of times over the years for some sort of infraction in the lab. Back then, he had watched with glee, convinced she had deserved it. He could only wonder at what he didn't see. Bile rose in his throat when he remembered that Karin had referred to their bond as a relationship. “Did he rape you?”

 

“No!” She exclaimed. “I told you, I initiated it.”

 

“You had sex with him.”

 

“That's none of your concern.”

 

“You did,” he concluded. He wanted to vomit. “Karin, legally-”

 

“Fuck legally! I told you he didn't, so just leave it alone!” Her sudden anger left him momentarily speechless. “I told you, anything that happened was because of me. I wanted it, or I made a mistake.”

 

“Can't you hear how twisted that is? He fucked with your mind! He  _ played you _ . That's why your subconscious is terrified, because you  _ know it's wrong _ .”

 

“I don't want to talk about this anymore.”

 

“Karin-”

 

“No. I’m done. Go back to sleep and stop talking about this.”

 

Despite her anger, she didn't explicitly tell him to get off the bed. They lay in silence for an interminable amount of time. At the risk of losing his arm, Suigetsu dared to fall asleep with a hand on her hip, hoping that it would help in some way. To their relief, the rest of the night was relatively peaceful by comparison.

 

* * *

 

He kept his word. She suspected that he wouldn't, but it seemed he meant what he said that night. They were back on the road, and Suigetsu made no sign that anything had changed. If he glared a little longer at Sasuke’s back, no one noticed. They were back in their usual formation, with Karin running at his side. It felt more comfortable that way, but there was a heaviness between them. Fortunately, Sakura knew better than to ask, and Sasuke simply didn’t care. 

 

He had so many questions he wanted to ask her. His mind warred with itself, desiring to know and wishing he could live in denial. Kabuto was repulsive in so many ways; he’d tortured, experimented, and studied Suigetsu ad nauseum for years. Still, he was hard pressed to come up with a single instance that revolted him half as much as what he’d learned the night before. Everything he thought he knew about that time in his life was called into question.

 

How much of what he resented Karin for was Kabuto acting behind the scenes? Was she the one to come up with the experiments that made his life a living hell, or were those Kabuto’s ideas? She had been his puppet, but how often was he pulling the strings?

 

Thinking back, he understood the blind devotion she seemed to have for the scientist. He remembered the excitement she showed when she was sent to find Orochimaru a new vessel; she had forgotten he was there, and she’d allowed herself to smile in a way he’d never seen before. Little did he know that her devotion wasn’t to the snake master. 

 

One question continued to draw his attention: did Sasuke know? He was constantly by Orochimaru’s side, like Kabuto had been and often was at the same time. If he knew what was happening, why didn’t he stop it. Furthermore, did he know and use the same methods to exploit her when they were together as Team Taka? Karin’s undying devotion to him, her willingness to give everything for him… did Sasuke groom those old fears and insecurities to get what he wanted from her? The thought made his blood boil. 

 

Karin was fierce, proud, and powerful. More powerful than she gave herself credit for on most days. She used her intelligence as a primary weapon, but he knew first-hand what she was capable of. That, he knew for sure, wasn’t an act. No mask could be worn that well. Kabuto was the reason she’d broken last night. Without being there, he stripped away everything she was and left her in pieces. Karin was deep in denial; he didn’t blame her. It was safer.

 

He wasn’t as disillusioned. There were lines that shouldn’t be crossed, and Kabuto had erased every last one. He’d scratched them away and invited her over the boundary, twisting her thoughts and convincing her that she’d wanted to take that step, over and over again. Perhaps that was the worst. If he’d been blatant about using her, she would have an easier to accepting that she had been wronged. He’d fooled her into thinking she had control, that she was even capable of consenting. Now, that confusion was eating her soul. It was one of the most twisted things he’d ever heard of.

 

As much as he wanted to say these things to her, doing so would scare her away. She’d opened up to him, something she’d never done before, and he didn’t want to risk that. 

 

He had his own issues to deal with, and it was true that many of them involved her. But, somehow, knowing that she wasn’t acting of her own volition absolved her of some guilt. She still had a choice, and she still carried out her orders, yet she wasn’t acting entirely of her own will. He found himself analyzing past experiences and forgiving her for many of them. Not all, but many. 

 

Over the years, they had become a sort of rag-tag family. Even after Sasuke abandoned them, he, Juugo, and Karin stuck together. They were all they had. None of them had homes or family to return to. They committed their sins and had to live with them. But that didn’t mean they had to live with them alone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the best thing that could've happened  
> Any longer, and I wouldn't have made it  
> It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture  
> I'm just a person, but you can't take it
> 
> The same tricks that, that once fooled me  
> They won't get you anywhere  
> I'm not the same kid from your memory  
> Well, now I can fend for myself  
> \- Paramore, "Ignorance"

The air was thick with the scent of sweat and blood. Karin threw herself to the ground, lashing out with the kunai she held in her fist as she dodged the oncoming attack from one of the Hidden Stone shinobi that had ambushed them in a ravine. She caught him in the back of the leg, cutting deep through muscle. Somewhere behind her, she heard the familiar scream of Chidori pierce the sounds of battle. The earth splintered near her feet, and she had but a moment to dodge the aftermath of Sakura’s aerial drop onto one of their opponents. The shinobi she had engaged was lost beneath the rubble.

 

Metal clashed against metal, and out of her peripheral vision, she saw the executioner’s blade make quick work of one of the younger combatants. This wasn't a time where they could claim diplomacy. These shinobi came after their lives, and there was only one way out: through.

 

She spun on her heel to face her attacker, who was rushing her while making a series of hand signs. “Earth style!”

 

The Stone kunoichi didn't finish her declaration; Karin’s kunai had caught her in the throat with skilled precision. The woman fell to the ground, and an enraged cry sounded from one of her teammates. Her lover, or so it seemed, abandoned the small group taking on Sasuke at once to attack her. His hands slammed into the ground, throwing up spikes of hard earth in her direction which rapidly approached.

 

“Get down!”

 

Karin’s body obeyed before her mind could process the order. There was a loud boom, and stone rained down from the sky in front of her. Suigetsu shouldered his blade and tilted his head to the side as he looked at the jutsu user. 

 

“Bad move.”

 

With speed that he shouldn't have had while carrying such a large sword, Suigetsu bum rushed the shinobi over and through the remnants of his attack. True to its name, the blade struck clean through the ninja’s neck, and Karin saw a headless body fall at his feet. 

 

Suigetsu’s fingers drummed against the handle. God, he loved that feeling. It was in his blood. He was the Second Coming of the Demon, after all. Anything less would be an injustice to his predecessor. Confident that Sasuke had control of the last few opponents, he struck the blade into the earth, splitting it with ease to sheath the sword. He turned to see Karin standing up, brushing dirt from her clothes.

 

She was smart as a whip, but she was severely lacking when it came to anything but taijutsu. Fleetingly, he wondered if he shouldn't teach her to use a tanto. However, suggesting that she couldn't defend herself wasn't a conversation he needed to have, for his own safety. “Any more?”

 

Karin’s eyes looked past him to Sasuke, who had just driven his sword through the last of the shinobi. “No.” She knelt in the dirt and began to search through the dead woman’s pockets, looking for any orders or bounties. Suigetsu and Sakura followed her lead and did the same.

 

“Bingo book,” Sakura reported, holding up a small piece of literature. 

 

“Let me see,” Suigetsu asked as he took it from her. He skimmed through the pages. “Hell yeah! 1,000 ryo more than last time. Moving up in the world, baby!” He tutted. “Ooh, Sasuke, big blow. 20,000 less than last time.”

 

“I helped save the world,” the Uchiha reminded him.

 

“Yeah. We know.” He rolled his eyes. “Sakura’s still in the clear, obviously… Karin’s up… 5,000 ryo?! The hell?! Why's your bounty bigger than mine?!”

 

“She's a trained scientist capable of genetic manipulation. You stole a sword and like murder.” Sasuke’s lips twitched in a hint of a smirk. “She trained under Kabuto for years while you were in a stasis tube.”

 

“Oh, fuck you,” Suigetsu snarled. “Mr. Goody-two-shoes doesn't get a say with his little bounty.”

 

“Don't be jealous,” Sakura interjected, disconcerted by the while conversation.

 

“No, please, go right ahead.” The sunlight glinted off of Karin’s glasses. 

 

“No,” Sasuke stepped in between the two former Taka members. “You're not starting this here. We have ground to cover, and there are bodies. We're moving, now.”

 

Karin gave Suigetsu one last smirk before they ran from the scene. His eyes narrowed, and he had to resist the urge to verbally tear into her. That could wait.

 

* * *

 

Sasuke’s suggestion that they clean themselves at a nearby lake was swiftly shot down by all three of his companions. His say as squad leader was overruled when he was forced to touch the water himself. Framing his change of mind as a placation on behalf of the others, they quickly sought out the nearest onsen.

 

Karin sat at the edge of the bath, wrapped in a towel, dangling her feet into the water. The temperature difference between the spring and air was enough to make her skin burn on contact, so she chose to take it slow. Sakura, however, was already submerged up to her chin. Karin knew she was being stared at, and it only served to spark her temper. 

 

“Can I help you?” she snapped.  She knew what this was about. Sakura had never seen so much of her skin before. She was always careful to cover her scars, which dotted her arms, chest, and legs. The look in her eyes dared Sakura to ask about them. The Leaf kunoichi’s skin was also scarred, but hers were from battle. From fighting. Karin's were, to her own eyes, from submitting and being weak.

 

“Sorry,” Sakura stammered, quickly looking away. “That was rude of me.” At least she had the grace to admit it. “I just… if your chakra has healing abilities, then why-”

 

“Do I scar?” Karin finished for her. She gave a bitter grin. “That's what happens when I don't have enough chakra left to heal myself. You should know that.”

 

“But your chakra signature is strong. I guess I don't understand how that could happen.”

 

Karin stripped off her towel and waded into the water, in Sakura’s direction. To prove her point, she extended her right arm to the other woman, letting her see the marks on her skin. “Does it look like I had a choice?”

 

Sakura’s stomach dropped through her feet. On her forearm alone, she counted twenty different sets of scars, criss-crossing bite marks dotting her skin. Logically, there was no reason for her body to be so covered; that is, unless she had been passed around like some sort of twisted chalice. She didn't know what to say.

 

Karin sighed, realizing that Sakura hadn't meant to offend her. She let her body sink down into the water. “I'm still sensitive about it,” she admitted. “It's been years since I've been left without enough chakra to heal myself; when Lord Orochimaru picked me up off the street, things got better.”

 

Sakura clearly wanted to ask something. Karin looked at her expectantly until she found her voice. “Sasuke?”

 

Karin shook her head. “No, none from him. Wait, no, there was one. He was seriously injured in a battle, around when we first met. Things would have been much worse if he hadn't taken what he needed.” She couldn't have said which scar it was, though. It was on her left arm, but that was all she remembered. “But it was my choice. Kabuto was away, and I was still learning from him. It was the only way I could help.”

 

“He trained you to be a medic?”

 

“Somewhat. Until I was put in charge of one of the hideouts. He stayed with Lord Orochimaru and Sasuke. I know enough, but I'm no doctor.”

 

“Sasuke doesn't talk much about the years he was away.” Sakura pushed herself up on the edge of the bath. “I'm sorry if I'm being too forward. I just get curious. He was gone for so long…”

 

“Our paths didn't cross much until he formed Taka. Most of what I knew I heard from Kabuto. I was more involved with research at the time. Sasuke had no need to be in the lab.” She shrugged, unable to provide Sakura with the information she wanted. “When his name came up, it was small talk. A few times, it was out of worry about Lord Orochimaru.”

 

“He cared that much?” Sakura hadn't given much thought to the third member of the legendary sannin other than as a potential threat to the village.

 

“Kabuto and Lord Orochimaru had a relationship like yours with Lady Tsunade, from what I've seen of the two of you. Stronger, maybe. Kabuto was another orphan that Lord Orochimaru rescued as a child. It might seem strange to you, but when someone saves your life that way, they become important to you. For kids like us, having someone care was more than we thought we'd ever have.”

 

“If you don't mind my asking, you keep saying ‘we’ and ‘us.’”

 

Karin backed away a step. “No, you're trying to analyze me, aren't you?”

 

“Not intentionally, but it stands out.”

 

“I told you I don't need someone to do psychoanalysis on me.”

 

“I'm not trying to be your therapist. I was asking as your friend.”

 

“My friend?”

 

“Yeah. I mean, I'd like it if we could be friends. I know Sasuke has been an issue, but if we can move past that, I'd really like to try.”

 

“Sasuke isn't an issue anymore. You don't need to keep an eye on me.”

 

“That's not what this is. Why won't you believe that I just want to get to know you?”

 

“Because you don't. I'm not some Leaf kunoichi you met in the village. I'm not light and bubbly. Believe it or not, this is me being  _ nice _ . I don't get to know people. I can only do so much superficial.” 

 

“Try me.”

 

Karin’s temper was flaring, and she took this as a challenge rather than an invitation. She wanted to shock her, make her regret her offer. Make her reel so that she wouldn’t ask again. “Do you want to know how my mother was murdered, drained of all her chakra by the injured of our village during the war? How they made me take her place, how they threatened to throw me out if I didn't, then did anyway? Because that's some of the lightest things I've been through.” She showed and narrowed her eyes, putting up a defensive barrier of anger.

 

“You don't want to get to know me, and I don't want your pity. Quit looking at me like I'm a victim, because I'm not. I won't live like that.”

 

“I want to be here for you. You have to let me,  first, though. You're not going to scare me away by telling me these things.”

 

Karin had had enough. She climbed out of the bath and secured her towel around her body. “I'm going to bed,” she declared. To Sakura’s credit, she didn't try to follow her into the changing room. Karin donned her robe and gathered her dirty clothes. Stressful as her bath was, at least she was clean and warm, which was more than could be said for the last several nights they passed. 

 

It was an unfortunate happenstance that Suigetsu was in the room when she returned. She ignored him as she rummaged through her pack for clean clothes. He knew better than to watch her. She dressed as best she could while still wearing her robe, needing to shed it only to put her arms through the sleeves of the tank top she chose to sleep in. She picked the robe up off the floor and hung it from a hook on the wall. When she turned, Suigetsu had looked up from oiling his blade, head tilted slightly.

 

“You're pissed.”

 

“Sakura.” Karin sat down on the bed, crossing one leg beneath her. “She wants to be my  _ friend _ .”

 

“ _ Why _ ?” Suigetsu grimaced. He set the executioner's blade against the foot of the bed and turned so that he could face her.

 

“I don't know. It isn't about Sasuke, or so she says. She wants me to open up or something. She was staring at my scars in the bath. So, I told her. She didn't freak like I thought she would. I don't like it.”

 

“That's fucked. Next thing you know she'll want to braid your hair and have a sleepover.”

 

“Don't even joke.”

 

“Come on, you know you want in on those Leaf kunoichi slumber parties. You can gossip about what Lord Sixth looks like underneath his mask, or who gave who chocolates on Valentine’s Day.”

 

“I'd rather die.”

 

He laughed, because he knew she wasn't exaggerating. It was a rare moment that they could be at peace with one another. The easiest way for that to happen was if they both had someone else to turn on. Sakura was an easy and obvious target for the former members of Team Taka, who had witnessed more than one appeal to their leader from the pink haired woman. 

 

“You're not half bad when you're petty,” Suigetsu smirked. He stood up and stretched his arms above his head. “You haven't tried to hit me in days.”

 

“For once, you're not the biggest annoyance.”

 

Suigetsu gave a low, dramatic stage bow. When he straightened, he extended his hand. “Toss me a pillow?” 

 

“No.”

 

“I swear to God, if you start being a bitch to make a point-”

 

“Shut up,” she snapped. Without looking at him, she ordered, “Just come over here so we can actually sleep tonight.”

 

“Are you inviting me to come to bed with you?” His tone was lewd to the point of satire.

 

“Get the fuck out.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” He ignored her completely and climbed into the bed. He stared at the ceiling for a few long moments. “Hey, fuck her for staring at your scars. That's a dick move. It's not any of her damned business.”

 

He didn't receive a response, and he was about to sit up to see if she was awake when he finally heard a small “Thanks.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses.  
> It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses  
> At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains  
> And a few more of your least favorite things.  
> \- Panic! at the Disco, "Build God, Then We'll Talk"
> 
> This entire chapter is a flashback. Things get more difficult from here on out.

“What do you  _ mean _ , the prisoners rioted?!” Kabuto’s voice boomed down the stone corridor. He held one of the guards against the wall, his hands fisted in his collar as he forced him against the unpolished rock. “What the hell were you doing?! You lost three of Lord Orochimaru’s vessel candidates!” He pulled the man forward just to slam him back against the wall. HIs hand moved to the man’s throat, his fingertips digging deeply into his skin as he crushed the guard’s windpipe. “How  _ inept _ can you possibly be?!” With a rare display of his physical strength, Kabuto threw the man by the neck, sending him crashing down onto the floor. “Karin!”

 

“Yes?” Karin stepped forward to stand by his side. Her face was one of cool detachment. To her, the guard deserved what he was getting. He had made a mistake; he had been a fool. That was a punishable crime in Kabuto’s mind, one she had come to know. 

 

“Take care of him.” Kabuto spat, turning his back on the guard. “Find me when you’re through. We need to see if any of these pathetic leftovers are fit to house Lord Orochimaru.”

 

“Of course.” She looked down at the terrified man, narrowing her eyes. It took minimal effort to pull her scalpel from the pack on her hip. Kabuto’s weapon of choice had come to feel natural in her hands. She stepped forward and placed her foot on the guard’s chest, forcing him to the floor. With surgical precision, she nicked the skin on his right thigh deep enough to sever the Femoral artery. He cried out in pain. 

 

Karin took her foot off the man’s chest and wiped her blade clean on the front of his shirt. He would bleed out in a matter of minutes. Clean, quick, and emotionless. She wished that Kabuto could have witnessed her. That thought on her mind, she put the scalpel back into her pack and walked down the hallway, ignoring the man’s cries for help. 

Her breath caught in her throat, and her skin felt electrified when she saw Kabuto standing at the end of the corridor, watching her with a smirk on his lips. “Wonderful,” he praised, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “A truly beautiful sight; no motion wasted.”

 

Her cheeks colored under his praise. “You taught me.”

 

“I did, my little flame.” He graced her with a smile and ran a hand over her hair. “Just wonderful. The cold distance, your seriousness, your purpose. Simply beautiful.” His thumb brushed the skin of her cheek. She rose up onto her toes to kiss him, and he permitted her to do so for the briefest moment. The hand on her cheek moved her back. “We’re not finished here. I’m afraid I can’t let you distract me. Not just yet.”

 

“Of course.” She looked chided, settling back onto her heels. When he chuckled, she looked up at him. She hung on his every word when he spoke to her.

 

“Soon enough. First, we need to make our way through the leftovers. You’ll reach out with your chakra to make our search easier. Pinpoint the strongest chakra signatures.”

 

She nodded, doing as she was told. “We need to go to the first floor, beneath the earth. It seems like that’s the only place the riot didn’t reach.”

 

Kabuto put a hand on the small of her back, leading her to walk with him. “Good girl.”

 

Further evidence of the riot littered the stairwell; bodies of guards and prisoners alike had fallen on the steps. Kabuto furrowed his brow in derision as he nudged a corpse with the bottom of his sandal, clearing a path through one heavily-crowded section. “What a waste,” he murmured, clicking his tongue. 

 

“I only sense five chakra signatures, other than our own.” Karin followed in his footsteps, carefully descending after him. “They aren't strong.”

 

“We’ll see what we find.” The door at the end of the staircase was locked, but Kabuto possessed the key. With a turn, the lock clicked open. He stepped into the room and looked around. “God damn it!” He shouted, grabbing a beaker from one of the tables and throwing it against the far wall, where it shattered. Those five chakra signatures came from stasis tubes, none of which were inhabited by someone remotely close to shinobi age.

 

Karin stepped up to his side to see what angered him. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Five children, five experiments. There was nothing for them here. Lord Orochimaru could never inhabit such a body. The last three days were a complete waste, and the sannin didn't have much time. The clock was ticking. Beside her, Kabuto banged his fist against the wall. Rage was flaring his chakra, rolling off his body. 

 

“Take care of this, and we’ll leave.” He didn't look at her as he gave the order. “This place is as good as abandoned. I'll send someone to clean up the mess later.”

 

“We're not finished yet,” she reminded him. “Lord Orochimaru  _ will _ get a vessel.”

 

“I know.” He showed no sign of uncertainty. He watched Karin walk across the room and open an access panel. With a flip of her finger, the machinery in the room stopped whirring. Another switch brought further silence. A third, and she turned to him. “My little fire, it might be best for you to return to Lord Orochimaru. It will take another two days to reach the next base, and from there, who knows?”

 

“No.” It was rare that she defied him. “I’m coming with you.”

 

“I wasn't asking.”

 

“Neither was I.”

 

Kabuto laughed then. “My dear, you've always been a bold one.” He shook his head, entertained by her opposition. She surprised him further when she took the lead, making her way up the stairs. How unpredictable. The moment he thought he knew her every reaction, she would do something like this. “So full of surprises,” he mused as he followed behind her.

 

There was a flash in her eyes as she glanced at him over her shoulder. She couldn't read him in that moment. He was full of anger, desperation, and anxiety for their lord. There was something else there, as well, that she couldn't identify. It all combined and manifested just beneath his skin, pulling his mind in different directions. He hid it well on his face and in his voice, but she was too perceptive a sensor to be fooled.

 

Distraction wasn't something they needed during travel. Perhaps it was bold of her, but she decided to step out of her usual comfort zone for his sake. She doubted that he would mind. As they strode down the hallway, she reached out and grabbed him by the wrist. With a swift pull, she tugged him after her, through the open bars to one of the vacant cells. She turned her body so that he collided with her, and they stumbled backwards a few steps as she took his hair in her fists, pulling him down to her level. She kissed him with force, more teeth than lips at first, rolling her hips into him.

 

This was the one surefire way she knew would center him and get him thinking clearly. When it was over, that is. Her mind was having difficulty working as it was, and she could only imagine what was going through his head. The slight groan she pulled from him gave her some indication, though.

 

His hands found her waist, dragging her against him even though there was no space left to close. It was all too easy to lift her, to wrap her legs around his waist and put her between his body and the wall. The force knocked the wind from her lungs, but the gasp that followed was a result of his lips at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Her fingers pulled the the from his hair,  and she dared to grab a fistfull and pull, aligning his face with hers once more.

 

Using pressure to keep her against the wall, he tore her hand away, pinning her wrist above her head. She cried out, and he covered her mouth with his, dragging his teeth over her lower lip. Her body shivered, and he smirked against her lips in satisfaction. His fingers loosened around her wrist, and in her ear he growled, “Leave that there.”

 

One by one, he undid the buttons of her shirt, working his way down from her collar. His fingers brushed against her skin with each movement. Her fingers opened and closed around air as she fought to keep still. She whimpered when he unfastened the last button, just above her navel. Rebelliously, she reached for the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it up over his head. He grabbed her by the jaw and forced her face up to look him in the eyes. 

 

“What did I just say?”

 

Her mouth opened and closed as her mind tried to form a coherent sentence. She didn't have enough time to do so before he moved suddenly, taking her with him. The cot he threw her down on was thin and hard, and her back screamed in protest at the force of it. He straddled her, knees on either side of her hips, and pulled his shirt off. She slid her arms out of her sleeves, and he didn't stop her. It would be easier for her to undo the bandage from around her breasts, so she sat up and made quick work of the fabric.

 

With a devilish grin, he snatched the fabric from her and pushed her back down, moving further up her body. He tied her wrists together with the same precision as he did everything else, securely enough that she couldn't free herself. Karin cried out at his cruelty as he took his time trailing his lips and tongue over her exposed skin. Her hips arched when his fingers found the button of her shorts, giving him a little more room to strip her of the offending article of clothing. He kicked off his own pants before he placed his hands on the inside of her thighs, pushing them open.

 

Karin gasped when she felt his mouth on her. Predictably, he didn't give her much time to settle into the sensation. When he nipped at her skin, her hips gave a thrust against his face. He chuckled, and she could feel the vibration. It was far too soon when he stopped, and she whimpered at the loss. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, eyes shining with lust as he looked down at her.

 

His hands stayed on her thighs as he moved against her. Her teeth clenched as she felt him slip inside her, refusing to take some time for her to adjust. Once he was fully inside, he drug his hips slowly back, only to snap them forward. She screamed. His teeth bit down on her neck, but he didn't draw any of her chakra. He sucked and worried the spot until it turned a deep purple, standing out against her marred skin. He pulled back, and she dared to catch his lips in a deep kiss.

 

He humored her for a moment, but when he moved away, his hand made contact with her cheek, stinging at the same moment he thrust forcefully into her. Her eyes squeezed shut. “Did I say you could do that?”

 

She shook her head with a whimper. His breath ghosted against her ear as he demanded, enticingly close, “Are you going to do it again?”

 

“No,” she choked out.

 

“That's my good girl.” In what was clearly considered a reward for her response, his hand slipped between their bodies, fingers dipping down to heighten the sensation. She sobbed against her arm.

 

It felt like hours before he picked his pace back up, moving his hand out of necessity. His fingers sank into the skin of her hips, bruising her from the force. Tears welled in her eyes, and she blinked them away as she looked up at him. “Please,” she begged, shifting her hips to make her point.

 

He paused in his work of discoloring a patch of skin on her left breast. “Not until you say it.” He gave her a taunting smirk.

 

“God, Kabuto, please!” Her hips moved against his with desperation as he stopped giving her what she wanted. “I need you!”

 

“And?” he prompted, allowing his fingers to brush up her thigh to her stomach, then up to her breast.

 

“I'm yours!” Tears fell from her eyes when he finally moved, pulling her hips up at a different angle than before. 

 

“Don't forget that.” His voice was a low growl as he gave her everything he had, feeling every reaction of her body. When she came, she arched against him, screaming like her life was in danger. The way she tightened around him made quick work of his release, and his hands clawed at the mattress beneath them as he made his descent. 

 

Panting, he moved off of her to sit at the edge of the bed. His hands gathered his hair and tied it back again, and he untied the knot from her wrists before he stood to dress himself. She sat up, trying to catch her breath.

 

Her clothes landed beside her on the bed, and she looked up to see Kabuto straightening his shirt. “Put those on. We need to keep moving. I'll be waiting for you outside.”

 

Karin looked through the bars of the cell, long after he disappeared from her sight. Dutifully, she began to bind her chest once more. They had a lot of ground to cover if they were to make it to the next base in a few days’ time. Really, they shouldn't have wasted as much of it as they had; she should have known better. Cleaning herself as best she could with what was available, she hurried to dress so that she could follow, not entirely sure that he wouldn't leave without her if she took too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I was super nervous about this one. Please let me know what you think. It's one of the few chapters that serve exclusively as background. Would you like to see more of these, or do you prefer the glimpses we get in the present?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh I need some temporary saving  
> Ooh I need some, some uncomplicating  
> Help me out  
> 'Cause I don't wanna do this on my own  
> \- Maroon 5, "Help Me Out"

The freezing wind of the Land of Iron felt like a thousand senbon on every exposed inch of Karin’s skin. She drew her coat tighter around her body, trying to find some warmth. Each step crunched through deep snow, even as she concentrated her chakra at the soles of her feet. She never thought she'd miss the Land of Fire.

 

Suigetsu was having the worst time of them all. His body was made mostly of water, and he felt as if he was freezing from the inside out. The only visible part of his body were his eyes. Pride had flown long ago, and he wore several scarves and hats. Beneath the fabric, he hissed, “Send the Hozuki to freeze to death. Great fucking idea.”

 

Karin could understand him, but just barely. “Suck it up. We're almost there.”

 

Sakura gave her an inquisitive look, but she shook her head. No one else had heard him, and she didn't want to take the time to explain herself. They were all cold, tired, and hungry. The promise of rest hung before them, carrying them through the last of their journey. The Hidden Leaf had arranged a safe house for them in the mountains, close enough for recon but far away enough that they wouldn't be found on accident.

 

The house hadn't been cleaned any time recently. When the door opened, a cloud of dust was dislodged into the air. It reeked of must, but the snow outside kept them from opening the windows. Perhaps its only redeeming feature was the well-stocked pile of wood by the fireplace. Sasuke was quick to ignite several logs with his fire jutsu. Light blossomed in the small room, allowing them to take stock of their surroundings.

 

It was Spartan in appearance and in comfort, with little more than a kitchen, bathroom, and two bedrooms. There was no way to know how long they would be staying; ideally, they would dismantle the cult with as little damage as possible to life or property to keep the situation confidential. They couldn't just run in and bring the place to its knees.

 

“We might as well get settled,” Sasuke declared. Sleeping arrangements had already been established and didn't warrant repeating. “I'm going to check our perimeter. Sakura, I'm sending you to the village to purchase us some food. Karin, unpack our intelligence and put it in my room. Suigetsu,,, sweep or something, would you?”

 

Suigetsu bit his tongue until Sasuke and Sakura had disappeared. “Sweep your own goddamned floor!” He spat, scowling. “Entitled prick. Don't you just love how we get tossed to the bottom of the barrel when Sakura’s here?”

 

Karin considered his question as she opened Sasuke’s pack. “Honestly, no. He doesn't scrutinize us as much. Hell, he hardly notices us.”

 

“I don't know how you're not having a harder time with this.”

 

“Why would I? You may have your head up your ass, but you can't tell me you haven't noticed how he's changed. His chakra is terrifying. If she wants him, more power to her. I know better.”

 

Suigetsu gave an impressed whistle. “I'll be damned. I thought you'd be in love with Sasuke until you died or something.”

 

“Not the first, not the last,” she mumbled, almost to herself. Suigetsu pretended not to hear her, much to her relief. “Why? Would it make you feel better if I was?”

 

“No. I just figured.”

 

Karin began to place several scrolls in her arms, taking them from the pack. “Don't. You'll overexert yourself.”

 

“Fuck you, bitch.”

 

“You wish, freak.” She fumbled with the doorknob of one of the bedrooms, managing to open it with her elbow and thigh. Her hip pushed the door open, and she dropped the scrolls onto the bed. She pushed down on the mattress, grimacing at how stiff it was.

 

Suigetsu watched her open the door to the other room, which she entered. She left the room, entered the first, picked up the scrolls, and deposited them in the second. “What are you doing?”

 

“Giving them the worse  room.” She hiked her pack onto her shoulder and brought it into the first room. Suigetsu laughed at her cunning and followed her lead. He was impressed. She was acting almost as petty as he could.

 

“I like it when you're petty.”

 

“Just as long as it's not at you.”

 

“No shit.” He set his pack down on the left side of the bed, which had become his undeclared side. How weird was that? They had sides. What the hell was going on?

 

Karin unzipped her jacket and hung it from one of the hooks by the bedroom door.  Her scarf followed. Suigetsu was stubbornly clinging to his outerwear. “Are you going to light the fire in here or what?”

 

Suigetsu followed her gaze and lit up when he saw the fireplace. “Fucking sweet!”

 

“Why do you think I took this room for us?”

 

He blinked, trying to process the act of thoughtfulness that came from her, of all people. Avoiding the topic, he smirked. “Sasuke’s gonna be pissed when he finds out.”

 

“He isn't our leader anymore. He gave up his perks when he left us.”

 

“Have fun telling _him_ that.”

 

The devil was in her eyes when she assured him, “I will.”

 

* * *

 

Suigetsu found himself a comfortable space directly in front of the fire, and he felt as though his entire body was being thawed from a glacier. He could feel his skin once more, and it burned like hell, but it was there. Sasuke had locked himself in his room to pour over the documents Karin had put out for him. So far, he hadn’t mentioned the room situation. He either hadn’t noticed, which wasn’t likely, or he chose not to say anything, which was even more far-fetched. Odds were that Sakura had said something to placate him, probably about Suigetsu needing a fire more than they did.

 

The Leaf kunoichi was in the kitchen, preparing god-knows-what for them to eat. From what Suigetsu could see, she seemed to be a real health nut. He felt a sudden nostalgia for their Team Taka days, when none of them knew their way around a kitchen, and they ate at food stands more often than not. The food was high in calories and fat, which they needed for energy during their long treks. Most of what Sakura had bought was green or brown, and none of it looked appetizing.

 

Karin had left soon after Sakura had returned, claiming that she had a nondescript ‘something’ to do. He knew better than to ask. Sasuke arrived before she did, and, if he noticed her absence, nothing was said on the matter. It was beginning to get dark, and the temperature was dropping even further than before. Just when Suigetsu was about to say something about it, the door swung open, and Karin walked inside. She looked half-frozen, her hair almost white from snow. She shivered, her entire body shaking.

 

“Took you long enough,” Suigetsu complained, although he didn’t know why he went through the effort. Even though they were getting along, he couldn’t fight the urge to antagonize her from time to time. Karin shot him a glare before looking around the room. Finding it clear, she lifted the plastic bag she was holding and reached inside. She grinned conspiratorily as she flashed him a glimpse of a bottle. He scrambled to his feet and followed her through the door to their room. The bag sat on the bed as she took off her coat.

 

Suigetsu slipped the door closed and opened the bag. Inside were several bottles of sake. “So this is where you went,” he grinned.

 

In a low tone, Karin informed him, “If I have to spend time in this tiny hovel with those two, I’m going to go insane. It’s better if I’m not sober.”

 

“You’re going to share, right?”

 

“Stay on my good side, and we’ll see.”

 

“Am I there now?”

 

“Barely.”

 

“I can work with that.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

Suigetsu passed the bottle to Karin, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor across from him, in front of the fire. She lifted it to her lips and took a long drink before passing it back. Dinner had been unbearable, full of awkward silence and awful food. The pair hastily made their retreat, to who knows what assumptions from the happy couple. Karin had produced a few granola bars from her pouch, which was enough to fill their stomachs but not to counteract the alcohol they had already started to consume.

 

“I can’t live like this,” Suigetsu complained. “I can’t eat that shit every night. She’s going to kill me.”

 

“I’ve seen much worse try to kill you, and none of them succeeded.”

 

“None of them have been that awful.”

 

“Touche.” Karin laughed, a rare phenomenon that was definitely brought about by the sake. Sasuke would be livid if he knew they were drinking this heavily on a mission, even if it was only enough for a light buzz at the moment. She reached for the bottle, but she froze in place to listen. A very distinctive set of sounds were coming from the next room over. “Are you shiitting me?”

 

“Oi!” Suigetsu lashed his arm out and slammed his fist into the wall. “Go fuck somewhere else! You don’t wanna hear us, we don’t wanna hear you!”

 

Karin snorted, covering her mouth. Crass as it was, it seemed to get the point across. Less angry than she should have been, she demanded, “Why did you say that? Now they’re going to assume we’re doing it, too.”

 

“Ain’t my problem.” Suigetsu took another greedy drink before finally passing the bottle back. “So what if we were? Not like it’s illegal. And it’d probably be a helluva lot better than what they’re doing.”

 

To his surprise, she didn’t deny it.  She shifted her hips from side to side to scoot closer to him, leaning in conspiratorially. She started to speak, but it turned into a laugh. When she composed herself, she half-whispered, “Do you think he looks as angry as usual?”

 

Suigetsu did his best impression of Sasuke’s scowl, which had Karin clutching her sides. She reached out and slapped his arm, which turned to water at her touch. Rather than get angry, she shook her hand dry. “Don’t do that!”

 

“You asked.”

 

“Rhetorically! God!”

 

Mimicking Sasuke’s low tone, Suigetsu stated, “We must have the lights off and be under the covers, for it's the way of the Uchiha clan to be boring and uninteresting.”

 

“Stop!” she howled, drunkenly giving him more credit for his impression than he probably deserved. From the other side of the wall came a loud thump. Suigetsu hit back and made a lewd gesture at the wall.

 

Karin drained the last of the bottle and studied it, like it was a phenomenon she couldn't figure out. “Should we?” she asked, glancing at the plastic bag.

 

“You're asking the wrong question.” He reached up and grabbed another bottle. “It isn't ‘should we;’ it's ‘will we.’ And the answer to that is ‘of-fucking-course.’”

 

“You have to admit, I'm a much better roommate than Sasuke. _I_ can share.”

 

“I'd rather chew my own arm off than share a bed with gloom-and-doom.”

 

“I'm surprised you prefer me, with how much you hate me.”

 

The way she said it caught him off guard. “You think I hate you?”

 

“You don't?”

 

“No! I like to fuck with you, that's all. It's fun to make you mad. You get this little crease just above your glasses, and your voice does this thing. The stupidest things piss you off. I like to push your buttons.”

 

“Aren't you a little old to be pulling girls’ pigtails?”

 

“Why? You have something in mind?” The empty bottle flew through his head, and water splashed around him. “Hey!”

 

“Stop it. I don't like when you joke like that.”

 

He frowned and scratched the back of his head. The only thing he managed to say was “My bad.”

 

Karin eyed him before taking a drink from the new bottle. “Yeah, it is.”

 

“Can I ask what I did, exactly?”

 

“Don't joke about wanting to sleep with me. It puts me on edge, the same way your jokes about Sasuke used to. I don't like it, is all.”

 

“Why would I joke about that?”

 

“You literally just did.”

 

“No, I made a joke about pulling your hair _during_ sex. There's a difference.”

 

“Enlighten me.”

 

When he kissed her, her first instinct was to shove him away, but he pulled back before she had the chance. It was little more than a peck, and she could tell that he was watching for her reaction by the way he was looking at her. Karin swallowed uncertainty. Her hesitance showed, and his weight rolled back from his knees until he was sitting down once more. He coughed into his hand, trying to think of a way to explain himself or weasel his way out of the situation.

 

She laced her fingers in his hair and pulled him forward, kissing him with much more force than he had intended. Good god, the woman kissed like she was dying tomorrow and going to hell. He briefly wondered if she was literally going to be the death of him right then and there. Nothing like a massive heart attack to take him out of commission.

His arms found their way around her waist. A moment later, and she was in his lap. His heart was pounding. She pulled away so that they could both catch their breath. Her teeth caught his earlobe and she breathed against the shell of his ear, “I like having my hair pulled, by the way.”

 

He groaned into her shoulder. Yeah, she was going to kill him. He shifted his body and leaned forward, bringing them both to lie on the cold, stone floor. She hissed at the temperature change, and he vowed to hear that sound again. He propped himself up on his elbows and began to unbutton the front of her shirt. Hot damn, this was really happening. She helped him pull her arms from her sleeves, and it was by the grace of the fire that her skin didn't instantly chill. He pushed up from his elbow to his hands, taking a minute just to look at her. “Wow.”

 

“I like that: wow.” She grinned up at him, appreciating his poorly worded compliment. He settled himself back down and trailed his lips from hers down her jaw and neck. When he reached that one spot where her neck and shoulder met, she sighed, tilting her head. Taking this as an invitation, he lingered there for a moment before testing the waters by nipping at her skin, careful not to let his pointed teeth pierce her.

 

She went straight as a board beneath him, and her hands moved to his chest, pushing him back. “I need you to get off of me.” It was clear that she was fighting to remain calm. Suigetsu hurried to do as he was told, putting distance between them and sitting back, trying not to look threatening. Her hand covered that spot on her neck, and she looked blankly ahead, only half-present.

 

God, he was such an idiot, “Karin, I'm sorry. I didn't even think about your scars-”

 

“No, that's not it.”

 

“Then what? Because if I did something-”

 

“He used to do that.” The words left her lips without feeling like she'd spoken them. “Bite and leave marks and bruises.” She worried her lower lip. “It just made me… nevermind. It wasn't anything you did.”

 

“I need you to talk to me, Karin. Because I would _really_ like to give it another shot, believe me. But I can't if I don't know. That is, if you're even interested, or if this was just a misunderstanding.”

 

“It's okay. Really. We can try again.”

 

“Not unless you talk to me.”

 

“Why do you want to know so badly? It's none of your business what he did.”

 

“I beg to differ, and so does your psyche.”

 

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Fine. It made me think of him, and that's the last thing I want to do. It brought me back to how he was. It was always rough, hurried. Never gentle. And, dammit, I _liked_ it. I liked the marks he left on my skin because they reminded me that he had made them. I liked the way my hips would bruise with the pattern of his fingertips. I liked the way my back hurt, the way I ached. I craved it. It was so rare… never at the base,where we could be found… and, God, if that didn't make it even better. I wanted it more than I wanted to breathe.”

 

“And?”

 

Karin was silent for a moment. “He never stayed.”

 

“I want you to be honest with me. Did you and Sasuke-”

 

“No. I hadn't been separated from Kabuto for long, and I had hoped he would come back. Loving Sasuke was something he could forgive; sleeping with him wasn't.” She sighed.

 

“So you thought of him just now and felt that panic.”

 

“It's irrational, I know.”

 

“Hey.” He picked up her shirt and wrapped it around her shoulders. “He can't get you all the way out here. And he can't get you back home, either, because he'd have to deal with me, first.”

 

They were silent for a while before Karin dared to speak. “What does this mean for us?”

 

“I don't know. That we're friends with benefits?”

 

“Making out isn't a benefit.”

 

“Speak for yourself,” he scoffed. “I'm more surprised you picked that to make fun of instead of ‘friends.’”

 

“You're an idiot. I wouldn't share my smuggled sake with just anyone, you know. You're growing on me. I hate it.”

 

“Of course you do. That's why you want a piece of this, right?”

 

“I've changed my mind.”

 

“Hey, now, don't be like that!”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's back on drugs again  
> Even though she knows it ain't right  
> She can't even call up her friends  
> And say "help me save my life"  
> She's so ashamed of herself that she's come full circle  
> Nobody understands what it's like to  
> Be this girl  
> So she disappeared, and she  
> Wasn't clear, and she  
> Didn't say where she was going  
> \- P!nk, "Save My Life"

Two weeks, and none of them had murdered anyone. It was a miracle, really. Their saving grace was the developing friendship between Karin and Suigetsu. With less infighting, there was less tension, and Sasuke didn't have the burning desire to unleash amaterasu on the safe house. It was mildly disconcerting that they seemed to have combined their efforts, which resulted, more often than not, in an us vs. them dynamic that Sasuke wished he could avoid. All the same, it weighed in his favor that their bickering had turned virtually nonviolent. 

 

Extended recon had turned up little that they could use to their advantage. Karin had failed to sense more than ten people within the vicinity, and she assumed that the majority of the group was away on some task or another. Without permission from the Leaf to engage, the squad took turns observing on the off chance that they could intercept their return. This far, they hadn't been so lucky.

 

Karin felt the branch beneath her sag. Snow dislodged and fell to the ground with the movement. She didn't need to look to know that it was Sasuke. She straightened out of her crouch, her thighs screaming at her after so many hours of inactivity. “Nothing,” she reported for formality’s sake, even though it was obvious that nothing had been disturbed. He didn't respond, and so she looked over at him. He was staring at her. She arched an eyebrow, which vanished beneath her knit cap. “Yes?”

 

“Sakura seems to think you're mentally unstable.” That was blunt, but what could she expect from him? “I can't risk this mission.”

 

“Your girlfriend needs to mind her own business. I'm perfectly fine.”

 

“You're not fighting with Suigetsu.”

 

“And you're taking that as a sign that I'm ill?”

 

“Explain it, then.”

 

Karin studied him for a long moment. “It bothers you, doesn't it? You can't figure it out and it's driving you crazy.” He didn't respond. “I wonder why that is.”

 

“Just talk to Sakura. Humor her.”

 

“I don't see why I should.”

 

“When did you become so difficult?”

 

“Probably about the third or fourth time you put my life in danger.”

 

He glared at her, narrowing his eyes. She didn't flinch. In fact, she squared her shoulders and stepped closer, head held high. “You're the captain for this mission, but you're not our leader. Not after you turned your back on us. I'm not going to fall at your feet and kiss the ground you walk on. You were a mistake.”

 

She was getting too bold. To cut her down to size, he pulled out one of his more painful tactics. “And Kabuto?”

 

“Never tried to kill me,” she countered. “You can go rot in hell with him. I'm done, Sasuke. Don't pull this shit with me.”

 

He towered over her and scowled. “Back down,” he ordered.

 

“You first.”

 

The pair stood still for several moments in a game of chicken. Neither of them wanted to be the first to break. Finally, Karin gave him a twisted smile. “Enjoy the night shift.” She jumped down from the branch and mentally dared him to stop her. Her heart was pounding, but she didn't notice until she'd almost made it to the safe house. She just stared down Sasuke Uchiha. 

 

She felt the inexplicable urge to tell Suigetsu.

 

* * *

 

There was a knock against the bedroom door. “Come in,” Karin invited without looking up from the book she had laying before her on the bed. To her right was a notebook, in which she was taking meticulous notes. Even if they were on a mission, down time was more than abundant in this phase, and she decided that she might as well be productive during this time.

 

Sakura cracked the door and looked inside. “Karin, can I talk to you?”

 

“About what?” She continued to write, turning the page as she did so.

 

Sakura glanced over at Suigetsu, who was huddled next to the fire, wrapped in a blanket. Feeling her gaze, he looked over at her and arched an eyebrow. “Fuck, I have to leave, don’t I?”

 

Karin’s “No” was drowned out by Sakura’s “Would you mind?”

 

His eyes flickered between the two women before he chose the path of least resistance. Under his breath, he muttered something about “taking me away from my damned fire” and “gonna kill me”. Sakura stepped to the side to let him through. When he was gone, she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

 

“What do you need?” Karin asked, annoyance prickling beneath her skin. She was engaged in a section that could have extreme benefits for the newest Mitsuki clone, and she was loathe to pause in her research. As it was, the look on Sakura’s face prompted her to mark her page and close her book. “I’m not doing therapy,” she warned.

 

“No, not that. That’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”

 

Now, that was strange. “Then what?”

 

Sakura looked down at her hands. “I'm late.”

 

Why the hell she needed to know that was beyond her. This wasn't worth interrupting her research. She managed to keep her annoyance off of her face. “Listen, I know you want to be friends, but you can't just come in here and complain about your menstrual cycle. Now, if you need something-”

 

“Karin.” Sakura’s eyes were pleading. “I need you to make sure.”

 

The redhead looked over to her, suddenly understanding that this wasn't some weird sort of small talk. She nodded once and closed her eyes, focusing her senses. She could feel Sasuke’s chakra in the distance, large and cold, before anyone else. Suigetsu was next, with his particularly powerful signature. Finally, she zeroed in on Sakura. She had far less chakra, but her skill in controlling it put her on a level with Sasuke; in battle they were the same, but one could never guess by sensing alone. Karin allowed the chakra to take form in her mind’s eye, scanning for any irregularities. 

 

Suddenly, she felt it. A chakra signature that was distinctly Uchiha, hidden almost entirely from her perception. Karin lingered there, desiring to be certain before she said anything. Any fetus would predominantly carry the mother’s chakra signature, creating a distinct pool of it in the abdomen. The undercurrents of the father’s signature should have been almost imperceptible. Yet, there it was again. 

 

She opened her eyes. “You’re pregnant,” she confirmed, “but I’m worried. The embryo is manifesting a good deal of Sasuke’s chakra signature. I’m afraid your body might not recognize it and try to reject it. You’re early enough to consider other options.”

 

“No.” There was no room for argument in Sakura’s tone. “Absolutely not.”

 

“I don’t have to tell you that this pregnancy could be difficult; you might end up having complications.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

Karin’s lips drew into a thin line, expressing silent disapproval. Medically, she would never put the life of an embryo before that of the mother, but, then again, neither would Kabuto. It was a fleeting, bitter thought, but it wasn’t nearly enough to change her mind on the matter. To her, the embryo was a parasite, and could be taken care of as such. 

 

It was moot, nonetheless. Sakura had already developed a sentimentality with it. The hand on her abdomen made that abundantly clear. “I’m not your doctor,” Karin stated, “and I can’t tell you what to do. But, I will remind you that we’re on an extended mission in a foreign land. This isn’t exactly the right time to be carrying a child.”

 

“Nothing in my life happens at the right time.” The smile Sakura gave was nostalgic, and she vanished to somewhere in the past for a few moments. “Thanks, Karin. That’s all I needed. I… I’m going to go think of how to tell Sasuke.” She seemed lighter as she exited the room.

 

Karin covered her eyes with one hand as she rolled them hard enough that they ached. Great. Just great. 

 

“The hell was all that about?”

 

She moved her hand away to look at Suigetsu, grimacing. “She’s pregnant.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Sasuke knocked her up. On a mission. In the Land of Iron. Because nothing’s ever easy for us, apparently.”

 

“So what’s she gonna do?”

 

“She’s keeping it. But, it has so much of Sasuke’s signature that I’m worried her body will reject it. She says she doesn’t care. We’re stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, so guess who’ll get blamed if she miscarries.” With both hands, she pointed at herself. “I’m not a fucking midwife. She shouldn’t be here. She needs to  _ go home _ .”

 

“Sasuke won’t let her out of his sight when he finds out.”

 

“I know. Welcome to my problem. Because it just  _ has _ to be my problem.”

 

Suigetsu sat down beside her and offered her an unopened bottle of her sake, which she took gladly. “If we ran, how far do you think we’d get before they found us?”

 

“Not far. There’re traps all around the safe house, and I’m not too sure that they’re just for keeping people out.” Karin took a drink from the bottle. “I’m not delivering that damned baby.”

 

Suigetsu snorted. “Yeah, have fun telling  _ her _ that.”

 

“No, because  _ she’s _ the medic. Sasuke couldn’t keep it in his pants, and now I’m a part of this? No fucking way. I’m not going to be in some twisted polyamorous love-triangle where I get all the drama and none of the perks. I want nothing to do with it. She can deliver her own damned baby. Or, hell, go to a  _ hospital _ . I’ve got enough to deal with without any of this.”

 

“Come on, what if it was you?”

 

“I wouldn’t be having it. Plain and simple. It wouldn’t be an issue to begin with.”

 

“Good point.”

 

Karin took her books and set them on the floor. Well, there went her motivation. First Mitsuki, now Sakura. “Why do people keep coming to me with their spawn problems?”

 

“Seeing as you just called children ‘spawn,’ I don’t have a damned clue.”

 

“It’s what they are.”

 

Suigetsu shrugged and took the bottle from her. She protested, but he informed her, “I don’t need you getting shitty and ranting about children all day. You’re a crap shoot when you’re drunk; you either lighten up or become a total bitch. Not risking that right now.”

 

“Sakura Haruno just came into my room and talked to me about her menstrual cycle. I deserve it.”

 

“You need to find a better coping mechanism. Some other way to relieve the tension.”

 

“I could kick your ass.”

 

“Yeah, no. But I could think of something else for us to do…”

 

“In your dreams.” After their drunken mishap, Karin had refused every advance he’d made. It was beyond frustrating. In fact, the odds of it happening in his dreams were rather high.

 

“Fine,” he huffed. “Learn to paint or some shit, then.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She paints her fingers with a close precision  
> He starts to notice empty bottles of gin  
> And takes a moment to assess the sins she’s paid for
> 
> A lonely speaker in a conversation  
> Her words were swimming through his ears again  
> There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for  
> \- Panic! at the Disco, "The Ballad Of Mona Lisa"

Sakura sat on the issue for three weeks. She wouldn’t say why she hadn’t told Sasuke, only that she was waiting for the best opportunity. Karin wondered if she wasn’t considering terminating the pregnancy, after all. But to ask would be to get involved, and that was one thing she refused to do. This was none of her business, and it certainly wasn’t her problem.

 

Then, one morning, Sasuke was particularly cheerful at breakfast. He was smiling, and she found it deeply unnerving. He scowled, smirked, but never smiled. It made him look almost manic. Happiness didn’t suit him.

 

“You sick or something?” Suigetsu asked callously, picking up on the strange energy that was coming from his aura.

 

A flicker of anger ghosted across his face, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. “I’m happy, Suigetsu. It’s a human emotion that you’ve probably never experienced.” Even his jab was light-hearted. What the hell? “Sakura told me some good news last night.”

 

“We can get the hell out of here?” Suigetsu knew what the answer was, of course, but he couldn’t resist.

 

“No. Sakura’s pregnant.”

 

“Oh, yeah. That. ‘Bout time you figured it out.”

 

“You knew?”

 

“Karin told me.”

 

Sasuke looked over at the redhead, who snorted in derision. “What, you want me to just stop sensing now?”

 

“How long have you known?”

 

Sakura spoke for Karin, trying to take most of the blame. “Three weeks.”

 

“Three weeks? And you told me yesterday?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Okay. That doesn't matter now. It's not important.” He shook his head. “It's good that we have you here, Karin. Sakura can only do so much to take care of herself. I expect you to be there for her and help her and the baby stay healthy.”

 

“That's not why I'm here. If she needs care, she should be going to a hospital. No offense, Sakura.”

 

“Did you really just look me in the eye and tell me you're not going to help my wife and child?” Now she’d set him off. He was throwing a temper tantrum, and it annoyed her to no end.

 

“I’m not at your beck and call, Sasuke. You can’t tell me to jump and expect me to say how high. I have some dignity, you know!”

 

“That’s not what Kabuto told me,” Sasuke spat. His words slowly sank in, and he could see the rage in her eyes subside into horror. Her posture became less rigid, and she leaned back from him.

 

“What?” her voice was barely audible. Silence reigned over the room, and all eyes were on Sasuke. Sakura stood behind him, filled with confusion. Suigetsu clenched and unclenched his fist, refusing to make eye contact with the Uchiha.

 

“Don’t tell me you thought no one knew.” The blank look she gave him had him bark out a bitter laugh. “He talked about you like you were his little pet. I never left Lord Orochimaru’s side. Naturally, Kabuto talked. Your mission to the Northern base, the espionage stint in Kirigakure?”

 

Karin felt the color drain from her face. She didn’t know what to say, how to react. She wanted to fall to her knees, but she forced herself to remain standing. Her stomach churned. Eventually, she could hear nothing but the sound of blood roaring in her ears.

 

Suigetsu snarled, “You _knew_ ?!” He shot forward, grabbing Sasuke by the front of his cloak and pulling him down to face level. “You _fucking knew_ and you didn’t do a goddamned thing about it?!”

 

Sasuke smirked and glanced at Karin. “She wouldn’t have wanted me to. I did enough by bringing her along on Taka. And you didn’t even want that, did you, Karin?”

 

“Sasuke!” Sakura snapped, but he ignored her.

 

He tore Suigetsu’s hands from his cloak and threw him back several steps. “What was it you said to me? ‘Don’t leave any scars; he’ll be livid?’ Or ‘He’s going to come back; you’ll see.’ You just kept lying to yourself, like you are now. Wake up, Karin. He never loved you, and neither did I. You were useful. That’s all.”

 

“Liar!” Karin desperately wished that the tears in her eyes weren’t there. He was trying to tear her down, beat her into submission, and she was fighting with everything she had.

 

“Am I, now? Then, how would I know that you threw yourself at him the first time he summoned Manda? That you gave him what he wanted, but he had been planning for months? Just how you begged and tried to convince him. You were nothing but his whore when it was convenient for him. You know you would have done the same for me if I cared enough to let you. And, now, you’re doing the exact same thing with this sorry imitation of the man you _really_ want. Face it, you’re not over him, are you? You probably think about it when you fuck. Have you called him Kabuto, yet?”

 

“You son of a bitch!” Suigetsu charged him, swinging his right fist at Sasuke’s face. He dodged with ease and grabbed Suigetsu’s wrist, wrenching his arm behind his back. A swift kick to his spine slammed him to the ground.

 

“I won’t put up with any more insubordination from either of you. I still have enough pull with Lord Orochimaru to make your lives hell. I will not hesitate to do so. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to defy me again.” Sasuke stepped over Suigetsu and brushed past Karin, walking to the door. “Sakura, let’s go,” he ordered. “I refuse to be here any longer.”

 

Sakura stared at his back, her face twisted in disbelief and shock. He turned to look at her, and she felt her body move of its own accord. She was trying to process the last five minutes, but her mind wasn’t working. Instinctively, her hand slid down to her stomach. He put a hand on her lower back and guided her out the door in front of him. When he closed it, it was with enough force to shake the wall.

 

Karin sat at the table in silent shock. How could he say such things to her? She wasn't under his control anymore, so he lashed out like this? Was his barely tolerable attitude a front when they were a team to get her to do whatever he wanted? His words rung in her ears, grating away at her soul. It was almost too much to process.

 

“Karin…” Suigetsu didn't know what to say. He was so full of blind rage that he wanted to chase Sasuke down and drive a kunai into his throat, even though he knew the Uchiha would easily overpower him. She looked up at him, red eyes glazed and watering. She had never looked so hollow. There was no more fire in her. He clenched his fists and made his decision, consequences be damned.

 

He left her at the table, throwing open the door to the room they shared. He began grabbing their few belongings, tossing them into the nearest pack, uncaring of what was whose. He didn't have time to think about it. If he thought, he might just change his mind. Careful to leave nothing behind, he closed up both packs and threw one over his shoulder.

 

He extended his hand to Karin, who just stared at him vacantly. “Let's go.” She felt the blind urge to follow his direction. “We're getting the fuck out of here.”

 

“Where are we going?” Her voice was almost a whisper as she put on her own pack.

 

“I don't know. Anywhere but here. I'm done. We're not gonna live like this anymore.” The executioner’s blade found its resting place against his back. “We need to move, and fast.” He reached out and took her by the hand, using his other to slide open a window. He jumped through first and then helped Karin, taking her hand once more as they stood in the snow. “Run.”

 

* * *

 

Half a day at top speed got them as far as the border between the Land of Earth and the Land of Vegetables. The nation was known for its commerce rather than shinobi, and as such, they weren’t likely to encounter mercenaries or anyone who might recognize their faces from the bingo book. Suigetsu hoped that, if they had been pursued, Sasuke would expect them to pass through the more familiar Land of Grass or even the Land of Rain, where they could have stocked up on weaponry and supplies. In the peaceful village they’d stumbled upon, Suigetsu stuck out with the large sword on his back, but there wasn’t much to be done there.

 

A pawn shop bought their heavy winter clothes off of them, and the price they received was decent. The coats would sell quickly to travelers heading north. This put a few ryo in their pockets, but they were loathe to spend them so soon. That night, they ate fish from a nearby river, which they cooked over a campfire, and they took turns keeping watch until the sun rose. They didn’t have the luxury of lingering.

 

They ran with no real direction or purpose. The only barrier they had was not to go near the Land of Fire. Doing so would get them caught far too soon. A brief segue the next day took them through the Land of Keys, and that night, they camped on the sandy beach of the coast of the Land of Wind. The ocean roared them to sleep, and Suigetsu felt more at home than he had in several years.

 

When Karin awoke, it was to see him submerged to his shoulders in the waves, letting the current carry him toward the shore before swimming back out again. They were still too close to the Land of Iron for her comfort, but if she allowed him another half hour to enjoy himself, neither of them mentioned it.

 

In the desert, the heat pounded against their backs and drained them of their energy. It wasn’t long before they veered back toward the coast. Suigetsu didn’t have to worry so much about water when he could swim for a bit, and the ecosystem was moderately greener than the uninviting sand dunes. The further they traveled, they came closer to the Land of Hot Water. Their bodies, however, began to protest the constant running and lack of decent sleep. When they finally took shelter in a beachside inn, it was in a village where no one knew their names.

 

It was nothing less than luck that they found an abandoned shack to the southwest of the village, around two kilometers out of the way of civilization. With a few patches in the roof and a good, deep clean, it was actually somewhat accommodating. Their sleeping bags found a home on the floor of the bedroom, and a large piece of driftwood was dusted off and transformed into a low table. It was far from glamorous, but it was warm and dry. Furthermore, it was safe. No one would think to look for them in a place like this.

 

Suigetsu found work as a fisherman, where he could bring his catch and sell it to the local market at a fair price, even as a foreigner. Karin set herself up as a nurse in the small clinic, earning the position after her first interview due to her knowledge. It wasn’t much. They had both lived much better lives, but they had also lived much worse. This would do.

 

* * *

 

Suigetsu returned to their incredibly humble abode, grocery bag in hand, to find Karin in the middle of a renovation. Her hair was pulled back and her sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She was red-faced and sweating as she kicked sharply at a plank of wood she stripped from the wall, grunting from the effort. What had possessed her to knock down the wall between the kitchen and main room was beyond him.

 

“What the hell?” It wasn't the most eloquent question, but it got the point across. He set down the bag and walked over to her, taking the claw hammer out of her hands. “You can't just go knocking down walls.”

 

“Too late.” She grabbed for the hammer, but he held it out of reach. “Would you just give it to me already?!”

 

“What's gotten into you?”

 

Karin narrowed her eyes at him and set herself in a defensive posture. “Nothing.” Her diversionary tactic wasn't going to work this time.

 

“Something happened. You might as well tell me. I can keep this up all night.”

 

Karin clenched her jaw before crouching down, tearing at a plank with her bare fingers. “I had a bad day.”

 

Over the last few weeks, they had come up with a code. A bad day was one where she experienced a trigger or nightmare of some kind. He knew better than to press her. “Didn't I suggest you take up painting? You know, instead of tearing our house apart?”

 

His words gave her pause. “ _Our_ house, huh? Go figure. Never thought I'd hear that one.”

 

“Me either, but you're trying to distract me.”

 

“Is it working?”

 

“What do you think?”

 

She sighed and sat down on the wooden floor. “I assisted on a surgery today. A kid. He had a bleed from a fall that we needed to stop…” She rubbed her forehead with her fingertips. “I couldn't give him any of my chakra. I couldn't help because we have to keep a low profile. He almost died today. God only knows how we kept that from happening. But if he'd died, it would have been on me. How fucking selfish is that?”

 

“You put your own life before his. That isn't selfish, it's survival. If word got out that we were here, Suna would have ANBU on our asses in a day.”

 

“But-”

 

“But nothing. You might not know this, but it isn't your job to save everyone. It's almost killed you before. Your life comes first, do you understand that?” He sat down, cross-legged, in front of her. “Who's in your head right now?”

 

“Sasuke,” she admitted. “Telling me that I'm just useful and convenient.”

 

“Karin, look at me. Look me in the eye, okay? Fuck him. Fuck him with that goddamned cactus I keep stepping on in the backyard. Now say it.”

 

“Fuck him.”

 

“Like you mean it.”

 

“ _Fuck him._ ”

 

Suigetsu grinned his pointed smile. “Atta girl. Now stop taking it out on the house, okay? We've only got the one.”

 

“But I'm almost done, and it'll give us so much more room.”

 

“Okay, but this is the last time. I mean it.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa-o-o-o, Cover your crystal eyes  
> And let your colours bleed and blend with mine
> 
> Making waves in pitch black sand  
> Feel the salt dance on my hands  
> Raw and charcoal coloured thighs feel so cold  
> And my skin feels so paper-thin
> 
> I know I'll wither so peel away the bark  
> Because nothing grows when it is dark  
> In spite of all my fears, I can see it all so clear  
> I see it all so clear  
> \- Of Monsters and Men, "Crystals"
> 
> Note: My little brother is in town for Christmas and his birthday! Updates may be a little slow, because sibling bonding will be happening whether he wants it or not.

When payday rolled around for Karin, they had saved enough to buy a futon to replace the sleeping bags. It wasn't discussed whether or not they would be getting more than one. Suigetsu wondered at this when he set it up in the bedroom, rather amused at the development. It was strange how close they'd gotten over the last two months. It wasn't the most fortunate of circumstances by any means, but their situation had improved after they cut and ran.

 

They had become oddly domestic. It was almost like they were roommates by choice instead of necessity. Well, roommates who shared a bed and finances. Roommates who sometimes woke up sleeping against one another. Maybe they weren't exactly roommates. He didn't know what they were. He would go as far as to consider them friends at this point. Maybe that was it. Friends did those things, right? And since when did he want to label them, anyway? It was ridiculous.

 

To his amusement, Karin looked like she was about to cry from joy when she came home from the clinic to see that the sleeping bags had finally been replaced. She threw herself down on the futon, groaning in a mixture of pain and appreciation. She hadn't been in a bed in so long. Her back was killing her. Now that she had one, she didn't want to move.

 

He let her be for the moment. She’d had to pull a double to cover for another nurse who called out sick, and she was exhausted. The least he could do was let her sleep until he had dinner ready. He wasn't a good cook, but even he could make rice. It wasn't a night for a heavy meal, in his mind. The day had been excessively warm, and the house had yet to cool. The last thing he needed to do was add to the heat.

 

Karin had rolled to his side of the futon, her head buried in his pillow. She snored, and he had to fight not to laugh. She would be livid if she found out he heard that. He reached down and shook her by the shoulder. She lifted one arm and let it fall in an attempt to shoo him away. The second time, she opened her eyes. He held the rice under her nose, and she pushed herself up into a sitting position.

 

“You need to eat something. Then you can sleep.”

 

Karin took the bowl without argument. She was far too tired to put any kind of effort into being obstinate. “I get to go in late tomorrow,” she informed him in-between bites. Her clinic seemed to genuinely appreciate her, and it was doing its best to keep her as an employee. When she was hired, she was straightforward in telling them she didn't know how long she would stay. Each day seemed to have a renewed effort to convince her to do so.

 

“Good. You deserve it after today. What happened, anyway?”

 

“Miko’s son gave her the stomach flu. Even a nurse can't keep a toddler germ-free, I guess. It seems to be a twelve hour bug, so she'll be back tomorrow morning.”

 

“Just don't catch it from her. I'm not going to take care of you.”

 

“Asshole.”

 

“Just shut up and eat. And you need to move. I sleep on the left.”

* * *

 

Mr. Doumeki was a silver-haired fisherman with a wife, two children, and five grandchildren that he adored more than life itself. His boat wasn’t much to be proud of, by any means, but when the young foreigner approached him and asked if he could pay a fare to join him out on the ocean, well, it didn’t feel right to take his money. As it turned out, the kid was good company; he was smarter than he looked, and he was quick-witted and funny. Despite his insistence, the old man refused to take a cut of his catch, insisting that the young man needed it more than he would.

 

Mangetsu, as the young man called himself, became a regular companion on his early mornings, never complaining about the hour they set sail. Some days were more successful than others, but the kid was a natural at the trade. He could never pinpoint the kid’s accent, even if his violet eyes and white hair shouted that he was far from Kaze-born. Whenever he asked, Mangetsu would give him a closed-lipped smile and insist that it wasn’t relevant.

 

Mr. Doumeki taught him that tying his hair back would be better for his vision, that long sleeves were better for the desert, and that one could barter with the market for groceries and come away with a better deal than they would by taking a cash payment. In return, the kid would tell stories from his travels, although he could never be sure if they were true. He claimed to have visited the Land of Earth, the Land of Fire, and the Land of Waves, along with several smaller nations; that was a lot of travel for someone so young.

 

When asked why he would choose to settle down in the Land of Wind, so far from major civilization, Mangetsu would cite his love of the ocean and his companion’s distaste for people. Mr. Doumeki couldn’t figure out his relationship with the red-headed young woman who worked in the clinic, and Mangetsu would only shrug his shoulders and claim that it was a long story. They looked nothing alike, and so clearly, they weren’t of any relation. Mangetsu didn’t wear a ring. The way he spoke about her, with almost humorous contempt, made him doubt that they were anything but strangers. Yet, for all his years, he knew better than to pry into the personal affairs of others.

 

One morning, he found Mangetsu waiting for him at the end of the dock, his supplies already loaded into the wooden boat. The young man greeted him and offered him a neatly-tied bento. By way of explanation, he stated, “Tsubaki’s pissed I haven’t been paying you back somehow. Yelled at me the entire time she made this. I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful or anything, so…” He scratched the hair on the back of his head, tearing a few strands loose from the tie. 

 

The old man chuckled. “That’s sweet of her, but she didn’t have to.”

 

“I told her that the Missus always sends you off with something, but she didn’t wanna hear it. I backed down before she could stab me.”

 

Something in the kid’s voice made him wonder whether or not he was joking. “Well, tell her I said thank you. And to go a little easier on you, too. You’re a good kid.”

 

Mangetsu grinned and helped him load his things into the boat. As they pushed off, the old man suddenly asked, “So, when do you think you’ll ask her?”

 

“Do what, now?”

 

“You plan on proposing to her, right? I’ve only seen her around town, but she looks like she’s good for you.”

 

“Oh, no, it’s not like that.” He shook his head just a touch too quickly. “We’re friends. Roommates. We’ve just known each other a long time.”

 

“Sure, kid.”

 

“I’m serious. She’d cut me into pieces and feed me to the sharks, first.”

 

“She made you lunch.”

 

“No, she made  _ you _ lunch. I was told to make my own or starve.”

 

The two men shared a laugh. Mangetsu cast his rod and leaned back in the boat, starting the waiting game. Mr. Doumeki followed his lead. Silence won them over, and the waves lulled the small boat into a repetitive rocking. Their morning had only just begun.

 

* * *

 

Karin peered into the microscope and twisted one of the knobs, bringing the slide into a much clearer vision. With a pipette, she released a drop of a blood sample that one of the doctors had taken. She clicked her tongue as she studied the slide, looking for any abnormalities. Without looking, she wrote her findings in the file to her right. The patient, it seemed, was anemic, which would explain most, if not all, of her present symptoms. All the same, she wanted to be thorough while she had the sample in front of her. She didn’t want to miss anything by assuming that the surface was all to be seen.

 

A knock sounded on the door behind her, and she spun on her stool to face it when it opened. A middle-aged woman with dark hair peered into the lab, giving her a friendly smile. “Tsubaki, I need you to check in on the patient in room two. I’m running a little behind, so if you could take his vitals?”

 

“Of course, Doctor. Just give me a moment. Is his file on the door?”

 

“I’ll make sure it is. You’re a lifesaver.”

 

It took but a moment to clear her workstation and store the sample. After locking the lab, she put the key in the pocket of her white coat and walked down the hall. Room two. She took the file from beside the door and knocked once before entering. She opened the file and began to look over the information as she spoke. “Sorry about the wait. Doctor Takahashi is running behind this afternoon.” She blinked once in surprise at thee file before glancing up. Exasperated, she asked, “What the fuck did you do?”

 

Suigetsu sat before her on the examination table, a nervous grin on his face. “How pissed are you gonna be?”

 

“That depends on how stupid you were.”

 

He weighed his options before giving in. He lifted his leg onto the table and rolled his pants up to his left knee. There was a large set of bite marks on his calf, and he had been bleeding significantly. “My catch decided not to go down without a fight.”

 

“You were bitten by a fish?”

 

“A shark of some kind. It wasn’t big, but I didn’t exactly get a good look at it. Doumeki cut the line and threw it back as soon as he got it off of me.”

 

Karin sighed. “Only you.” She turned her back to him and opened one of the cabinets, removing alcohol, cotton, and gauze. She rolled the stool to the foot of the table and sat down, soaking the cotton in alcohol. He hissed when the liquid stung his wound. 

 

“This sucks. I hate hiding. I could have just turned to water, but no. Apparently, that would be a dead giveaway.”

 

“How many people do you know that can turn to water?” She looked him in the eye. He looked away. “Exactly. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s what we have to do. The wound is pretty superficial. You won’t even have to bandage it in a couple of days.”

 

“Good to know.”

 

“I’d give you some of my chakra if Doumeki hadn’t seen you. But, he knows, and I can’t heal you that quickly.”

“Dammit.”

 

“Stop getting hurt in front of other people, dumbass.”

 

“You could heal me, and I could just take a couple of days off.”

 

“We need to eat.”

 

“Do we really, though?”

 

She gave him the look. Her fingers tied off the bandage, and he rolled the leg of his pants back down. “Doumeki won’t go back out today. It’s too late to get a fresh start. I wasn’t able to catch anything, other than that damned shark.”

 

Karin sighed. “Okay, it’s not a big deal. Hang tight for a second, and I’ll give you some ryo from my purse for groceries. Don’t touch anything.”

 

“I’m not five!” he called after her. She returned in less than a minute, and he put the bills into his pocket.

 

“It’s not much, but it’ll feed us for the night.” Karin wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to him. “Give this to the receptionist. They won’t charge you.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Don’t get attacked by any more sharks.”

 

“Don’t tell me what to do with my life.”

 

She rolled her eyes with a laborious sigh. “I’ll see you tonight. Try to behave.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as good a place to fall as any  
> We'll build our altar here  
> Make me your Maria  
> I'm already on my knees
> 
> You had Jesus on your breath  
> And I caught him in mine  
> Sweating our confessions  
> The undone and the divine  
> \- Florence + the Machine, "Bedroom Hymns"
> 
> PWP. This chapter can be skipped if this isn't your cup of tea.

Even at the coast, water was considered a scarce commodity. The sea provided water for everything but drinking, and it was a blessing to have it at their disposal. The locals washed their clothes, dishes, and even bodies in the sea. The salt kept soap from foaming quite as well, but it was more than enough to perform those mundane tasks. Bathing, however, demanded extensive use of moisturizer afterwards, as the salt liked to cling to bare skin. The lack of humidity was hell if one didn’t take the precaution. 

 

Suigetsu lathered the soap as best he could between his hands and scrubbed his hair, trying to get rid of the oil and distinct smell of fish that came about after cleaning his catch. Thankfully, that was a task he performed only when he was bringing the catch home. Most days, the market would do it for him, if it was being sold. Karin complained about the smell, and after a night spent outside their shack, he wasn’t too keen on passing another the same way. The sun had long since set, but this took priority.

 

His soap hung on a rope around his neck, an ingenious thought by a local to keep the waves from taking it away. Waist-deep in the water, the tide could easily sweep in and bring a wave to knock him off his feet. It was better to be cautious. He bent over to dunk his head beneath the water, using his fingers to get the last of the soap out of his locks. When he stood straight, he took a lock of his hair between his fingers and smelled it. Seemed fine to him.  

 

“I can still smell you from here. You need to wash it again.”

 

Suigetsu looked back over his shoulder. How she’d managed to come within just a few meters of him without him noticing was baffling, but he didn’t dwell on that for long because  _ holy mother of shinobi she’s naked _ .

 

“Shut your mouth, idiot,” she snapped in his general direction; her glasses were safe on the shore, so she was operating on sensory skill and very poor eyesight. 

 

“Over here.” He couldn’t help the snort of laughter that slipped out when she had to turn so she was actually pointing at him.

 

“I fucking hate you, and you still smell like fish. Stop staring at me. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

 

“Well…”

 

“If you’ve gone your entire life without seeing a woman’s breasts, I pity you.”

 

“Don’t be a bitch.”

 

“Don’t be a pig. I can’t wait all night for you to finish bathing, and you’d probably just watch me from the window. Pervert.” 

 

Suigetsu made a nonverbal noise of frustration and annoyance that sounded like something between a snarl and a hiss. “I can’t fucking win with you!” All the same, he started scrubbing soap into his hair once more. “Catch.” He threw the soap to her.

 

She fumbled it several times before managing to catch the rope between her fingers. “Don’t throw shit at me when I don’t have my glasses.” She let the rope slide down into the crook of her arm as she began to wash off the distinct odor of the medical clinic. 

 

“How have you not  _ died _ ?”

 

“Luck and manipulation.”

 

Suigetsu dunked his head beneath the waves once more. What the hell was going on? He reminded himself that she was fickle. He shouldn’t try to read into anything she did. One wrong assumption could have her angry at him for weeks. They’d known one another for so long that, perhaps, she was just this comfortable around him. It wasn’t too different from a unisex onsen, if he thought about it. Yeah. That made sense.

 

When he resurfaced, he didn’t have time to react before her hand caught the back of his neck. She pulled his head down so that she could smell his hair. “That’ll do,” she declared.

 

“R-right.” Somehow, he’d managed to have an impressive display of self-restraint, but he could feel it slipping away faster than he would have liked. Her fingertips lingered on his neck before she let them fall, brushing his shoulder and collarbone as they did so. Consequences be damned, he couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

He grabbed her and pulled her against his body, tilting her face to meet his as he kissed her hungrily. Unlike the first, drunken time, he had his wits about him and had nothing to blame should it go awry. He just hoped that what she’d said all those weeks ago about trying again held true. When she kissed him back, it was a relief as well as a jolt down his spine. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hands rested on her hips, his fingers exploring her skin. 

 

Finally breaking apart for air, she rested her forehead against his and complained, “Took you long enough.”

 

“Don’t blame me. You’re the one who wanted to play it subtle.”

 

She ground her hips into his. “I’m not being subtle now.”

 

He laughed in disbelief. “No, you’re not.” As much as he wanted to take her then and there, the voice in the back of his mind brought back several points of contention on the subject. First of which was her reaction the last time he’d had his hands on her. “But are you sure?”

 

She pulled out of his grasp and began to walk back to shore. “If you’re not following me in thirty seconds, you’ll be sleeping outside.”

 

There was no need to tell him twice. They’d hardly made it through the door, clothes and towels abandoned in the sand, before he had her pinned against the wall. Her hands fisted in his hair, and he let his hands roam in places he’d never have dared to before. She cried out when his fingers slipped between her thighs, and he shuddered against her. They were both drenched in ocean water, and he didn’t dare move them to the futon, where they would have to sleep that night.

 

He stumbled with her across the room until she tripped back, falling onto their new couch. He fell on top of her, guiding her further up so that he could fit, too. Her breathing was starting to get a little heavy. Still mindful of what happened the last time, Suigetsu asked, “Tell me if you need me to stop.”

 

Karin nodded, breathless. He lifted her legs and put them on his shoulders, and then his face was between her thighs, and she was in  _ heaven _ . She sighed and let her eyes close, falling into the sensation. God, he was good. He never let her get too comfortable, moving when he felt her relax too much. Each time she expected him to come back up, he’d draw a lewd sound from her. His pointed teeth drug lightly over her clit, and she shuddered beneath him. His tongue caressed the abused flesh, and her back arched. She didn’t want it to end. 

 

He was nothing less than devious when he used his fingers to spread her open, multiplying the sensation tenfold as he stroked right over her. A slight shift of his body put him on his elbows, and his other hand found a comfortable angle where he could slide his fingers in and out of her. She whimpered in desperation, clinging to his hair and shoulders like he was her lifeline. Just once, she allowed herself to cry, “Don’t stop.”

 

Surprisingly, he listened to her. She could feel him grinning, but she couldn’t care less how much he was enjoying what he was doing to her. Her mind had nearly gone blank. She screamed when his teeth tugged lightly at her clit, and her thighs tightened their hold on either side of his head. It was a blessing when he picked up the pace, and she hadn’t realized just how close she’d gotten until it was too late. He continued to pay attention to her as she came down from her high, panting and on the verge of tears. 

 

When she finally released him, he moved himself up over her body, where he smirked down at her. He pressed his soiled fingertips to her lips, and she took them in her mouth willingly. At a particularly lithe swipe of her tongue, his other hand curled into a fist beside her head. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he clenched his jaw. She took far too long to give him back his hand. Once she could speak again, he asked her, voice tight with want, “Are you still okay?”

 

“Come on, already,” she demanded, catching him by the back of the head and pulling him down for a deep kiss. With a slight shift of his hips, he was pressed against her, and he shivered at the contact. 

 

“Fuck,” he breathed. She bucked her hips up into his, driving him in further far more quickly than he had planned. “Impatient bitch,” he grumbled, yet he complied. He drove his hips forcefully into hers, and she muffled a cry against his shoulder. 

 

“Harder,” she demanded, her fingernails dragging down his back.

 

“If I do that…”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

He drew his hips back and slammed into her, ripping a scream from her throat that turned into a sob. Good lord. That was one of the hottest things he’d ever heard. He repeated the process, trying to get the same result. Her eyes opened when he caught her off guard, and his heart beat faster. He tried to think of something else, something to calm himself down, even if only for a few moments. His pace had slowed significantly with the effort.

 

“Please,” she whimpered, bringing him back to reality. 

 

He lifted himself off of her, much to her dismay until she figured out what he was doing. They traded places, and she rose up onto her knees, sinking down him inch by agonizing inch. She groaned, and his hands gripped her thighs as she began to ride him at her own pace. When she leaned back, placing her palms behind her on the couch, he could feel the difference in pressure and couldn’t begrudge her the broken cry that she let slip.

 

His grasp tightened, and he somehow managed to say, “Karin, you need to stop.”

 

She looked down at him and leaned forward, putting her hands on either side of his head. She rolled her hips and made him groan. “No.”

 

“Ka-” The words were lost when she started moving again, this time at the same pace they’d been at before they switched. He couldn’t take it. It had all become too much. When he came, he saw stars and did a very poor job of holding back a shout of ecstacy. To his combined pleasure and dismay, she continued to ride him until she tightened around him. He was still inside her when she leaned forward, resting her head on his chest. Absentmindedly, he ran his fingers through her hair as the world came back to him.

 

“Why are you laughing?”

 

“You have no idea what you just got yourself into. After that? No way this can be a one-time thing. God damn.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on it. At the risk of boosting your ego, you’re damned good.”

 

“So that’s the whole benefit part of this thing, right?”

 

“Damned right.” Her hand fell against his in a weak high-five.

 

He pushed on her shoulders. “You need to get off.”

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“Your ass is bony and it hurts.” She slapped his chest. “Ow!”

 

“Do  _ not _ insult my ass.”

 

“Fine. Your knees and elbows are bony. Now just get off before I go numb.” He didn’t plan on the slow, sensual way she removed herself from his body. “Hey!”

 

“I did what you asked, didn’t I?”

 

“You’re going to kill me.”

 

“That’s the plan.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not passive but aggressive.  
> Take note it's not impressive.  
> Empty your sadness like you're dumping your purse on my bedroom floor  
> We put your curse in reverse.
> 
> And it's our time now if you want it to be.  
> Maul the world like a carnival bear set free.  
> And your love is anemic.  
> And I can't believe that you couldn't see it coming for me.  
> \- Fall Out Boy, "The Kids Aren't Alright"

Suigetsu groaned into his hands, lamenting his current situation. He looked up and over at Mr. Doumeki, who was watching him with an amused expression. “It’s not funny! She’s going to be the death of me. I… what even? What the hell do I do with that? Ugh!” He fell back dramatically, rocking the small boat. “And here I am, talking about my sex life with someone old enough to be my grandfather. She’d skin me alive if she knew. I’m not even kidding. She would  _ literally _ skin me alive. She could do it.”

 

Doumeki chuckled. “You know, Mangetsu, you’re looking at this all wrong. If you ask me, she’s awful fond of you. Tsubaki doesn’t seem like the type of gal to just throw herself at some nobody.”

 

“She’s not, but… I gotta be honest here. She’s had it tough. Been through some bad shit. She’s been hurt by a lot of people, and I don’t want to be one of them.”

 

“That right there tells me you won’t.”

 

“But. I just… can this stay between us?”

 

“It won’t leave this boat,” Doumeki assured the young man.

 

“She has night terrors. Some nights, she wakes me up, screaming. See, this guy, he was her mentor, and he took advantage of her. She doesn’t have anybody. And he saw that, and he… fuck, he made her his puppet. Just thinking about it makes me want to wash out my soul. I can’t even tell you half of what he did. He took over her mind. Convincing her that she wanted to sleep with him isn’t even close to the worst. I knew him, I knew them both when it was happening, but I didn’t  _ know _ . And so she has these dreams about him and what happened, and I know that I could have done something, except I couldn’t, because… I didn’t have the power to.” Suigetsu pinched the bridge of his nose.

 

“And then there was this guy after him, who knew what was going on, an he didn’t do anything, even though he could. He worked right alongside the guy. Now, I find out, the first guy was bragging to the second about it. And so the second guy uses the same fucking methods to get her to do what he wanted, too. She loved him, you know. She loved them both. Head over heels infatuation. And the only reason she didn’t sleep with the second guy was because she thought the first might literally kill her.

 

And I’m saying all this, and it sounds like she’s easy, but she’s not. Not at all. It’s just that they twisted her and fucked with her head. And she got out, for a little bit, and she realized what happened. She started taking pills and almost overdosed because of these assholes. Then the second guy comes back with a new chick on his arm and tries to order Tsubaki around like he used to. It’s just disgusting! And now it’s fucking with  _ my _ head because I’m the one who wakes up at night and has to calm her down and help her stop crying.”

 

“You’re worried that you’re taking advantage of her without meaning to.”

 

Suigetsu looked over at him, not bothering to hide his surprise. “Uh… yeah. Yeah, I am. How did you know?”

 

“I’ve been around for awhile, kid. You learn a thing or two. Actually, when you turn sixty, they give you a book.”

 

“Mr. Doumeki, you’re not helping.”

 

Doumeki set down his rod and leaned forward, putting his forearms on his knees. “If you want to know what I think, you care about this girl. You’re hurting for her. And you’re both too damned proud and stubborn to take a step back. Look around you. This is one of the most beautiful places in the Land of Wind, and you can’t enjoy it. You live on the beach with a beautiful woman and make a living on the ocean. For a lot of people, that’s the dream.

 

You’re living life too fast, kid. The two of you need to do the work to get out of the past and move forward. Because, let me tell you something, if you were this worried about hurting her and didn’t care if you did, you’d be long gone. Face it, you’re in this for the long haul, even if you don’t know it yet. If you ask me, you’d do anything for that girl. You moved all the way out here with her, didn’t you?”

 

“We weren’t exactly giving anything up. We pretty much had the clothes on our backs.”

 

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t know where you two are from, but it isn’t around here. Even if you don’t have things, everybody has a home. You two left that, wherever it is, and set out here. Now, why do you think that is?”

 

After a moment’s hesitation, Suigetsu admitted, “I had to get her out. I couldn’t let her stay there and be treated like that anymore. She was starting to stand up for herself, and they beat her down, and I couldn’t stand it. She was dead inside. When I almost lost her… I was scared. We hated one another, still do, I think. But I didn’t want her to die, even though that happened before I knew anything about what had happened. I really think she’d be dead by now if we hadn’t cut and run.”

 

Doumeki sighed. “I worry about you, kid. Come on, you really think she hates you?”

 

“She’s tried to kill me more than once.”

 

“So? My wife gave me a concussion with a skillet a year into our marriage. Looking back, I can’t blame her, but that’s not the point. Is it really that hard to think she might care about you, too?”

 

Suigetsu considered the idea, tilting his head from side to side. “I mean, maybe not?”

 

“Mangetsu, don’t make me spell it out for you, okay?”

 

“Come on, Gramps, I’m trying here.”

 

“Look, if some ninja broke into your house tomorrow and said they had to kill one of you for the mission, what would you say to him? You or her?”

 

“Me.” 

 

Doumeki watched Suigetsu in silence, waiting for his words to catch up to his mind. Suigetsu, however, thought the old man hadn’t heard him. 

 

“I said me- oooooooh shit.”

 

Doumeki grinned. “There it is!”

 

“Oh, shit. What? No. Shit. Really? I… fuck. No, no way. But I… How? When did I…”

 

“Easy, kid. There’s steam coming out of your ears.”

 

“That’s not possible! No, there’s no way. No fucking way. I mean, I care about her, yeah, but I don’t  _ love _ her. She’s my friend! My friend I had sex with, but still my friend. That’s all. I mean, friends do this shit, right?”

 

“Okay, smart guy. Tell me, what’s her favorite food?”

 

“Okonomiyaki.”

 

“Her hobby?”

 

“She collects perfumes. But a friend would know that stuff!”

 

“Which one’s her favorite?”

 

“What?”

 

“Her perfumes. Which one’s her favorite?”

 

“The rose and jasmine one she makes herself.”

 

“Now, tell me, who in the hell would know that?”

 

“Anybody! She wears it all the time, so of course she smells like it, and it’s obvious that she likes it if… she smells like it… Dammit!”

 

Doumeki laughed out loud at Suigetsu’s frustration and turmoil. The young man was pulling at his hair and trying to form a coherent sentence. Eventually he calmed down and put his head in his hands. “I’m so fucked.”

 

“Now why do you say that?”

 

“I told you. She hates me. Everything about me. Trust me, she’s said it enough times that I know. She’s the bitchiest, most stubborn beast of hell to walk the earth. And it had to be her. Oh, I’m so, so fucked.”

 

“You’re being a little over dramatic, don’t you think?”

 

“For years, that woman took delight in causing me physical harm. No, I don’t.”

 

Doumeki sighed. “I don’t know why you don’t want to love her, but you do. You know you do. So stop trying to talk yourself out of it and act like a man. Your temper tantrum’s scaring off all the fish.”

 

Suigetsu sat up and sighed wearily. He was silent for a while as he thought things over. Finally, in a calmer tone of voice, he asked the old man, “What do I do now?”

 

* * *

 

Somehow, ‘just tell her’ wasn't the advice he'd needed. It wasn't that easy, no matter how much Doumeki insisted that he just had to tear off the bandage and get it over with. He didn't understand exactly who Karin was. Tsubaki was a mask she wore in town, an act. Tsubaki was kind, opinionated, and witty. Karin was most of those things along with a bad attitude and a powerful punch. It was far from easy. In fact, he'd never considered doing anything more difficult.

 

It would be so much easier if she would just give him some clue. Most of her actions were those of someone who mildly tolerated him at best, and the rest of a friend. Other than sex, none of them indicated romantic interest. He didn't know, and didn't want to ask, about Karin’s history with men. It was better not to know if there had been anyone after Kabuto. She clearly wasn't infatuated with him, the way she had been with Kabuto or Sasuke. So, was the sex just sex? Did it mean anything more to her? If he only knew she was wondering the same things. He had never been a lucky one.

 

When she came home from the clinic that night, she was in a pretty decent mood. She had the next two days off, and she'd been looking forward to it all week. Even so, he hadn't expected her to declare that they would be going back into town for dinner. He wasn't about to argue. It was nothing special, and they didn't have anything nice to wear, anyway. They changed into clean clothes, and Karin took an extra moment to dab some perfume in her wrists and neck. She approached Suigetsu with a different bottle, and he eyed her with skepticism.

 

“What're you doing?”

 

“Don't be a baby. It's sandalwood and citrus. I'm not eating with you if you still smell like fish.” She tapped the glass stopper against the mouth of the bottle. He let her apply the scent to either side of his neck, and she leaned a little closer to make sure it was enough. “Much better,” she mused as she set the bottle back in its proper place. “You know, you're welcome to use them when you want. I'll show you which ones will work with your natural scent later.”

 

“My what?”

 

“The human body has a distinctive scent from person to person. You work well with wooden bases. I do better with floral notes. It's all chemical, in a way.”

 

“Huh. Go figure. I just thought you liked them because they smell good.”

 

She gave him a pointed look. “I'm offended that you think I'd be so superficial.”

 

“Not like you talk about it a lot. Never talked about anything until just recently.”

 

“I guess you have a point.” She shut and locked the door behind him. In her hand, she held her shoes, preferring to trek barefoot through the sand on their way to the village. “To be honest, I never thought we’d get along. I used to hate you. And I mean  _ hate _ you.”

 

“Gee, thanks.”

 

“You know what I mean. Don’t be an ass about it.” She poked him in the shoulder. “I was  _ trying _ to tell you that I’m happy we get along now.” She took a step to the left so that her feet were walking on wet sand, which felt cool against her skin. “I have to be honest. I don’t really know where I’d be right now if you hadn’t been with me after the relocation.”

 

“That’s not something you have to think about. I wasn’t going to leave you alone, especially not after I found out about what happened before. To tell the truth, there was never really an option for me. It’s weird to think about. There was a time when I would have been happy to kill you, and I know it was mutual. But, I don’t know, I guess being pulled onto Team Doomsday with someone really shakes things up.”

 

“You’re probably right.” She took a moment to think before asking her next question. “How long do you think we can stay here?”

 

“We’re pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I figure they’ll look for us in Fire and Water before anywhere else, thinking we might have gone home. There’s no way Sasuke will think to look for me in the desert. Besides, we’re using aliases. Tsubaki and Mangetsu. No one would ever know.”

 

“Why are you using your brother’s name, anyway?”

 

“If someone says they’ve seen a guy with white hair and purple eyes named Mangetsu, they’ll think he’s gone off the deep end. It’s enough to throw anyone who would be in-the-know off our trail for a bit. Someone saying they’ve seen one of the Legendary Swordsmen in Wind is going to sound completely batshit.”

 

“That’s actually pretty smart.”

 

Suigetsu scoffed. “I can be smart.”

 

“Sure you can.” Where once he would have launched into a rant, now he noticed that she had a playful look in her eye. Rather than blow up at her, he pouted dramatically. “Hold on.” Karin reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, using him to stand straight as she pulled on her shoes. “So, I was hoping we could go to this one place-”

 

“The one that serves okonomiyaki?” He chuckled. “Yeah, that’s fine with me.” The smile she gave him was well worth it. Oh, god, he was such a sucker, wasn’t he? Why couldn’t he have just lived in denial? Damn Doumeki. Why did the old bastard have to be right all the time?

 

There wasn’t a wait, and it took virtually no time at all for their drinks and food to arrive. Karin leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her sake before announcing, “Doctor Takahashi’s not happy with you.”

 

“The hell did I do?”

 

“It seems like we’re known as that unmarried couple who lives in the old Nakamura house. Apparently you need to make an honest woman out of me so that I can keep my reputation.”

 

Suigetsu choked on his sake. It burned, and his eyes watered, but all she did was laugh at him. Bitch. “That’s not funny.”

 

“I’m not joking. I was trying to give you a heads-up in case she confronts you on the street.”

 

“Great. Just great. So I look like the penniless fisherman who’s trying to shack up with the nurse who could  _ do so much better _ .”

 

“Pretty much.” She was getting far more enjoyment out of this than he was. He looked her in the eye and downed his saucer of sake like it was a shot. “Are you sailing with Doumeki tomorrow?”

 

“No, he wants to stay on land. Apparently, his daughter’s coming for a visit.”

 

“Must be nice. The whole family thing.”

 

“Just as long as you don’t get him started on her husband.”

 

“I don’t know how you can stay on a boat with one person for so long, so often, and not want to kill one another.”

 

“See, there’s this trick that you don’t know about. We know how to shut the fuck up.” He deserved the sharp kick she gave him under the table. “Come on, that was funny!”

 

With nowhere to be in the morning, they allowed themselves to spend a bit more than usual, enjoying their fill of food and sake. With Karin’s upcoming raise, they could afford to be a little lavish. It wasn’t anything like they’d been used to back in the Land of Fire, but, living as simply as they could, even this small event was something to thoroughly enjoy. Who knew when they’d get to do it again?

 

The waiter sent them home after a few hours, insisting that they needed to close. Suigetsu left a tip on the table by way of an apology for their inebriated presence. It wasn’t long before the pair of footsteps down the beach became one, when Karin started to complain about how hard it was to walk in sand. Rather than listen to her whine, Suigetsu lifted her onto his back. Her face was nuzzled into his shoulder, and it was for the fifth time that she informed him, “You smell good.”

 

“I know,” he told her, just as he had done the last three times. “And you’re drunk.”

 

“Am not.”

 

“Prove it. What’s element 19?”

 

“K… Kryptonium?”

 

“It’s potassium. You’re drunk.”

 

“It’s K, though.”

 

“Which stands for potassium.”

 

“Well that’s fucking stupid.”

 

“You’re not wrong.” With one hand, he pulled out the keys and unlocked the front door. “Easy does it,” he stated as he helped her stand on her own legs again. The door was then locked once more. “Come on, you need sleep.”

 

Karin was lucid enough to undress herself, but not enough to remember to take off her glasses. Suigetsu took his usual place on the futon after shutting off the lights. Karin rolled onto her side and put her head on his chest, and he put an arm underneath her to accommodate. She sighed contentedly. Her breathing began to slow, and as she drifted off to sleep, the words she spoke would leave Suigetsu restless all night.

 

“I love you.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I open up my heart  
> You can love me or not  
> There's no such thing as sin  
> Let it all come right in  
> I wanna make some mistakes, I wanna sleep in the mud  
> I wanna swim in the flood, I wanna fuck 'til I'm done  
> I like whiskey on ice, I like sun in my eyes  
> I wanna burn it all down, so let's start a fire  
> I wanna be lost, so lost that I'm found  
> Naked and laughing with my blood on the ground  
> \- P!nk, "I Am Here"

He didn’t need to sleep. It was alright. Sleep was for the weak. Who even sleeps anymore? Not Suigetsu, that’s for sure. Nope. Insomnia was perfectly fine with him. It was just another checkpoint on his descent into complete and total insanity. Yeah. This was perfectly fine. Just peachy. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to see here. 

 

As soon as she’d rolled over, he’d snuck out, unable to stay there any longer. Okay, he had to be honest with himself. He was freaking the fuck out. Was it dangerous to go for a five kilometer swim in the dead of night? Sure. He did it anyway. He didn’t give his body time to rest when he stepped out of the ocean. He swam down, now he’d run back. Complete physical exhaustion was the only way he’d fall asleep that night. By the time he made it back to their little shack, he felt like he was going to vomit, but not out of fatigue. 

 

It was risky, but he decided that now was as good a time as any to practice his swordsmanship. No one would come this far at night. He twirled the executioner's blade in his palm, feeling the familiar weight. After going through the basic training exercises that every Kiri ninja knew by heart, the last few weeks without using the blade all but disappeared. He practiced until his arms ached, and when he fell to the ground, he lay in the sand, looking up at the sky for a long while. What was he supposed to do now?

 

* * *

 

Karin sat on the uneven, wooden steps that led to their front door. The ocean roared in front of her, waves crashing against the sand in a constant cycle. She wrapped her hands more tightly around the mug she held, and she breathed in the salt air. For a moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes. 

 

“Comfortable, are we?”

 

She jumped, her body knocking against the wooden railing as she tried to turn. Beside her, Kabuto sat with his back against the opposite rail, one leg bent at the knee while the other stretched down the steps. He gave her that grin, the one that told her he was amused. His fingers pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and he looked to his left, out at the ocean. “This is  _ very _ interesting, indeed. Tell me, my little flame, did you ever think you’d end up here?”

 

“What are you doing here?” Her jaw was clenched tight.

 

He ignored her. “I knew you could be spineless, but to run away? And from Sasuke, at that? I’m surprised at you. I taught you better. Such cowardice.”

 

“I’m not a coward!”

 

“Don’t lie to yourself, my dear. It’s unbecoming. You let that bottom-feeding excuse for a test subject break your resolve. It’s very disappointing. I had such high hopes for you. And you threw it all away to live by the sea with that urchin. Everything I gave you. Do you realize that, Karin? You would be nothing if it weren’t for me. A little orphan girl out on the street with nowhere to call home. I was the one to put Lord Orochimaru on your trail. I suggested that you could be useful. Without me, he never would have known about you. I don’t doubt you’d have been dead in a gutter before the year was out.”

 

“I don’t have to listen to you.”

 

“Perhaps not, but you want to.” He smiled at her in his disarming way that caused her stomach to churn. “I’ve been here for a while, haven’t I? Right  _ here _ .” He reached out with his index finger and tapped her on the third eye. “You’ve been wondering about me, what I have to say, what I’d think. Haven’t you?”

 

“No.”

 

“You’re far prettier when you tell the truth.” He shook his head. “I must admit, my little flame, you disgust me. Where is your sense of reason? Do you even realize what you’re doing? You’ve turned your back on Lord Orochimaru, on Sasuke, on me. You climb into bed with that waste of existence who can’t tell the difference between nitrogen and oxygen. Look at how far you’ve fallen.”

 

Kabuto sighed as he continued. “Why won’t you admit that you miss me, that you still want me? You know you do. Deep down, you know. You could find me if you wanted to. All you need to do is ask Lord Orochimaru.”

 

“No one’s seen or heard from you since the war. I doubt that.”

 

“The same could be said for our lord.” He reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand. His thumb brushed over her cheekbone, down her jawline, and came to rest under her chin. “Think about it.”

 

* * *

 

Karin awoke with a start, bolting upright so quickly that it made her nauseous. Her heart was racing, and she was gasping as though she’d just run nonstop from Konoha to Suna. She groaned and placed her head in her hands, praying that the room would stop spinning before she lost the contents of her stomach. Her head was pounding with the aftereffects of her drunkenness. She couldn’t remember anything after she and Suigetsu had left the village. Suigetsu… Where the hell was he?

 

She reached for her glasses, but she couldn’t find them. Muttering a string of curses, she crawled on her hands and knees until she found them, neatly folded, on Suigetsu’s side of the futon. She flipped the arms open and put them on, finally able to see properly. 

 

It took her much longer to stand up than she would ever admit. The series of mistakes that had led her to this point were regrettable, but there was nothing she could do about it now. Carefully, she made her way into the kitchen and forced down two glasses of water. She leaned on her forearms against the counter, taking several deep breaths.

It was just a dream. She was painfully hungover; of course her mind would play cruel tricks on her like that. It wasn’t anything new. Kabuto had never been skilled with any jutsu that would allow him to enter her mind. He hadn’t truly been there. He was a figment of her drunken imagination sent to torment her when she was already feeling weak. She knew this. It was logical.

 

So why did she have a sinking feeling in her stomach? She’d been secure in the idea that he’d been lost in the war. Four years, and she hadn’t seen or heard from him. Lord Orochimaru hadn’t spoken of him in any way that would have her think that Kabuto was still under his command. It wasn’t as difficult to accept that he was dead than she thought. 

 

But now… was she wrong? Did Lord Orochimaru know where he was? If so, was he still working under his command? Most importantly, could he find her?

 

Her body convulsed at the thought, and she gagged. She poured herself a third glass of water. No. It wasn’t possible.  _ If _ he was alive,  _ if _ he still worked for Lord Orochimaru,  _ if _ he was even well enough to do so, there was simply no way he’d be able to locate her. She and Suigetsu had covered their tracks. They’d made sure that no one could find them. Everything they fabricated and hidden, it wasn’t for nothing. No one knew their names or their pasts, here. Karin and Suigetsu didn’t exist; they were Tsubaki and Mangetsu.

 

She sighed, and it came out as a shuddering breath. They were safe here. He wouldn’t find her. Not here. It took all of her self control not to find Suigetsu so that they could pack and run. She’d had a bad dream. That was all. He wasn’t really there.

 

_ But _ , if he was just a figment of her imagination, what did that say about her subconscious?  _ Why won’t you admit that you miss me, that you still want me? You know you do. Deep down, you know.  _ Did she? He was the man that haunted her dreams, who made her wake up screaming, who had taken her ability to trust herself and others. Was it even possible to love him, after all of that? What would it say about her if she did?

 

Karin turned her back to the counter and sank down until she was sitting on the floor. 

 

* * *

 

Suigetsu shouldered his blade and walked back to the house. The sun would be coming up, soon, and he didn’t want to risk being seen with one of the seven legendary swords. Talk about a dead giveaway. He opened the door slowly, as not to wake Karin, and slipped inside. He leaned his sword against the wall, out of sight and out of the way. His body ached with exhaustion, and he would have missed her entirely if she hadn’t moved, reaching an arm out in his direction as her head sat on her knees.

 

“Karin?” He knelt on the floor beside her. She took his hand and laced her fingers through his. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I'm scared.” He'd never heard those words leave her lips before. She was shaking, and her grip on his hand tightened. “He can't be back. Please tell me he can't be back.”

 

“Shhh. Talk to me.”

 

“Kabuto.” It took her a moment to continue. “He's in my head. He said Lord Orochimaru knows where he is, that he didn't disappear. He called me a coward for running away.”

 

Before she could continue, Suigetsu pulled her forward, holding her head against his shoulder. He smelled like sweat and saltwater, all with the faint hint of sandalwood from the night before. “You're not a coward,” he assured her. “It would have been easier to stay. You know that.”

 

“I do, but…”

 

“He isn't really there. You were dreaming. Even he can't get in your head like that. Something made you think of him. I don't know what, but you're safe here. There's no way he could find you here.”

 

“If I made him up… everything he said must be something I really think, then, isn’t it? He told me to come find him. He said that I still have feelings for him. I can’t  _ do that _ . I can’t handle that. I want to believe it isn’t true, but I don’t even know what’s  _ real _ anymore, and I swear to god, if he’s right-”

 

His chest heaved as he let out a longsuffering sigh. “C’mere.” He pulled her closer and began to rock, ever so slowly, from side to side. She didn’t think he even knew he was doing it. “Everything’s gonna be alright.” There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but now wasn’t the time. “It was a nightmare. I don’t know if you still love him or still care about him. But, you know he fucked with you, what he did. He doesn’t own you like that anymore.”

 

“I don’t. Not anymore. Not after everything that’s happened. Now, I know. I wish I didn’t. The nightmares… I can’t deal with them anymore. I’ve had them for years. They’ve gotten so much worse, and I don’t know why. I just can’t  _ take it _ . I can’t keep doing this. He’s in my head, and I want him gone, but I don’t know how. I need  _ sleep _ . I just want to sleep.” She clung to his shirt for dear life. His heart ached for her; what he wouldn’t give to take it all away.

 

“Shhh,” he crooned, running his fingers through her hair. “He can’t get you. I won’t let him.” She made a noise of disbelief.

 

“Why not? Apparently, he still has me. That’s all I’m good for. Some obedient little lab rat he could have his way with.” The words were bitter on her tongue.

 

“Dammit, would you just listen to me?” He hadn’t meant to snap, but it got her attention. “Would you be saying things like this if that’s what you were? No. From what you’ve told me, you never questioned him. Look me in the eye and tell me, if you still did what he wanted, that you wouldn’t have run off to find him. Tell me that you wouldn’t have left everything and run back.”

 

She didn’t answer him. She couldn’t. 

“He doesn’t  _ own _ you anymore. Nobody does. Some days, I think you crawled up out of hell just to make my life difficult.” She didn’t hit him for that, much to his surprise. “If anyone tried that on you now, you’d look them in the eye and gut them. You told  _ Sasuke _ no. I never thought I’d see you do it, but you did. People can only control you if you let them. Remember, that’s what made you so mad at me all the time. Don’t let him bring you back to who you were. You’d’ve tried to rip my throat out with your bare hands if I tried that shit back then, let alone now.”

 

“Yeah....” 

 

Suigetsu couldn’t help but laugh at her affirmation. “Fuckin’ crazy bitch.” He said it almost as a term of endearment. “That’s what you need to do, next time he gets in your head. Go batshit. Nobody’d ever fuck with you again, after that.”

 

“Suigetsu?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’m exhausted.”

 

He smiled to himself and moved his arms underneath her, lifting her as he stood up from the floor. Her breathing had already evened out by the time he lay her down on the futon. He stripped out of his dirty clothes and switched them for clean ones. He should have showered before he lay down, but he couldn’t be bothered. It was far too much effort for his current state of fatigue. 

 

She was conscious enough to curl into his side when he lay down beside her, and he took just a second to watch her. Not long enough to be creepy; she’d kick his ass if she knew he was staring at her. No, not staring, just looking. Yeah, that’s it. In a moment of pure self-indulgence, he pressed his lips gently to the crown of her head. “Dammit, I love you. How the fuck did that happen?”

 

“Quit being sappy. Shut the fuck up and let me sleep.”

 

He had to resist the sudden and powerful urge to throw himself through the closed window. Oh, god,  _ please _ let her forget what he’d just said. Her reaction to such a dramatic statement meant that she still had to be at least a little drunk. Right? His life couldn’t be that terrible, could it? No. No way. Sure, he’d killed people, but he’d never kicked a puppy or any of that shit. Karma couldn’t get him  _ that _ bad. Yeah. He’d be fine. It’s not like he didn’t hear her say it the night before. But, then again, he remembered it… No, he was fine. There’s just no way. She’d totally forget by the time she woke up. She’d probably think it was another one of her weird dreams. Oh, that was good. He could use that on the off chance that he did remember.

 

“I can hear you thinking.” Her hand thumped him on the chest, making him cough. “Sleep or get out.”

 

Well, he didn’t plan on going anywhere. She didn’t leave him much of a choice. He let his fatigue take him. With any luck, he’d be asleep until dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and happy New Year! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. It means so much to me <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on a heavy tip  
> Tryna cross a canyon with a broken limb  
> You were on the other side  
> Like always, wondering what to do with life  
> I'd already had a sip  
> So I'd reasoned I was drunk enough to deal with it  
> You were on the other side  
> Like always, you could never make your mind  
> \- Florence + the Machine, "What Kind of Man"

Nothing changed. Absolutely, positively,  _ not a fucking thing _ changed. Suigetsu was about to tear his hair out. This was his hell. He wanted nothing more than to bash his head against a wooden support beam and lose memory of the last week of his life. It had to be better than living like this. He was going crazy. Completely batshit crazy. If Karin noticed, she didn’t bring it up. Not once during her two days off did they even attempt to have sex again. Suigetsu was too frazzled to even think about such a thing, and he honestly didn’t care about Karin’s reasoning. He had enough on his mind without that.

 

A week went by, and she still hadn’t said it again. It was eating him alive, and she probably didn’t even remember what she’d said. His nerves were so terrible that Doumeki nearly threw him off the boat that afternoon. Suigetsu’s sole saving grace was that the boat began to rock when he fought back, and the old man wasn’t keen on taking a dip himself. 

 

The fisherman’s advice had evolved from ‘just tell her’ to ‘do it before you have a stroke.’ He hadn’t been clear as to how Suigetsu should go about it, and the young man was lamenting this fact as he floated on his back in the ocean. It was mid-afternoon; he should be out fishing, but Doumeki called it an early day. Suigetsu knew it was his fault. Even he couldn’t stand being around himself right now. He’d have to properly apologize to the fisherman the next time he saw him. 

 

Suigetsu heaved a laborious sigh as he looked up at the clouds. “So, Karin, I don’t know if you remember, but the other night… No. Not that. Hmm. Karin, I think you might be in love with me, and… that’s a great way to get my ass kicked. Fuck. Okay. Let’s see. So, I know you used to hate my guts and tried to kill me a couple times… Dammit!” He lashed out with his fist, hitting the water. “Why is this so fucking hard?” He suddenly had the absurd compulsion to swim out to sea and drown, but was quickly reminded that he was incapable of doing so.

 

“Karin, the other night, we’d been drinking, but I heard you say that you love me. I don’t know if you meant it, but I’m pretty sure that I love you.” He pondered the wording for a moment. “That might work. She says yes, everything’s good. She says no, well, what’s she gonna do?” It couldn’t possibly be worse than what she’d made him suffer back when they were on Team Taka with Sasuke. He groaned. “Damn old man and his damn words of wisdom. Keep it to yourself. Doin’ just fucking fine before he brought it up. Could’ve lived without knowing, but  _ no _ .”

 

He knew it was a lost cause before he said it, but he felt the odd compulsion to do so, anyway. “Come on, bro, help me out here. I don’t know, give me  _ something _ to work with. I know you’re watching all this bullshit. Be helpful for once, would you? That’d be really fucking great.”

 

His only answer was the roaring of the waves. Right. He knew that one wouldn’t work. “Some help you are…”

 

“Come on, Suigetsu, think. You’re smarter than this. It’s not like you haven’t said worse things to her. Aaaand now I’m talking to myself in the second person. Great. Just great.” He let his body lose balance and fall into the water.  _ I’m so screwed. _

 

* * *

 

He’d told her he loved her. She’d done her best to ignore that fact. It was easier to pretend that she hadn’t heard him, that it had never been said in the first place. Karin did her best to maintain a sense of normalcy in her life. The last thing she needed was to complicate it further.

 

To Karin, love was nothing more than a beautifully painted lie, a soft breath on her ear when she was held close. It was a promise of tomorrow, hollow with the reality of today. It was a word full of falsehood, forgotten memories, and the taste of iron on her tongue. A barren wasteland of a philosophy long abandoned. She knew what love was, which was how she knew it didn't exist.

 

Her love for Sasuke had been disdained glances, barked orders, and the primal need to please. It was devotion that shouldn't have died, but what was murdered as he turned his back on them. 

 

Her love for Kabuto had been naive and full of hope. It was filled with soft voices, discrete touches, a desire for knowledge combined with the exhilarating fear of it. It had been stolen moments in closets and endless opportunities, if only she moved when he pulled the strings.

 

She  _ hated _ Suigetsu. Little else was more clear and concrete than the anger that would boil under her skin. He was too  _ real _ , and she had tried to beat it out of him. There was no sentimentality. Hate tasted of salt and a dry mouth. It sat on top of her first two vertebrae,  pressing against her skull in a constant migraine.  

 

Hate existed. It was her reality, the fire that cast away the shadows of self loathing and doubt that love had hidden inside of her. Nothing could be tainted if nothing was allowed to blossom in the blaze.

 

And, so, she clung to hatred with everything she had. To think of Suigetsu in the same terms as Sasuke or Kabuto was wrong. He was there, constantly in her face, a persistent presence that she couldn't begin to miss because he was never gone. She wanted to slit his throat in his sleep some nights. Others, she took him with little to no argument. She held the power, and that could only be the case with such a polar opposite emotion.

 

She knew all too well that he had been trying to express his feelings, but she’d actively cut him off at every turn. Some distraction, task, or change of topic was always at hand when he made an attempt at the conversation. For some reason, she didn’t want to reject him outright. She wanted him to live in denial, like she was. Once he managed to talk to her, their uneasy balance would be shattered. The peace they’d managed to find was too precious to abandon so easily. How could he not see that?

 

She took a few extra shifts at the clinic, just to put some distance between them. He’d noticed. Of course he had. She wasn’t being subtle, after all. She was smart enough to know that Suigetsu was caught up in his thoughts, mulling over what had happened. She hadn’t given him a reason or explanation, and it was fairly obvious that he thought himself responsible for the sudden distance. Which he was. In a way. Not her. He’d been the one to say it. He started the whole thing. He  _ should _ be allowed to sweat for a while.

 

* * *

 

The most effective distraction that Karin had discovered was sex. If he started down that predictable train of thought, she’d been able to easily divert his attention. It didn’t take very much. She didn’t know if he’d caught on, yet, but she hoped he hadn’t. There wasn’t a plan B. Her ideas were running on fumes, trying to avoid what seemed to be an inevitable conversation that she didn’t want to have. After dinner, when Suigetsu cleared his throat, she knew what was coming.

 

Just like he’d practiced, he began, “Karin, the other night, we’d been drinking, but I-” He was silenced when her lips pressed against his. She was quick. She straddled his hips and pushed him back by his shoulders. He let himself lie against the floor, his hands on her thighs as she deepened the kiss. It was working, still, much to her relief. The longer she could put this off, the better.

 

Playfully, Suigetsu flipped them over, putting his body on top of hers. He wrapped his fingers around her wrists and pinned them above her head.

 

Everything happened so fast. The next thing he knew, he had fallen off of her, clutching his bloodied nose. She was on her feet, several steps away, a scowl on her lips. “What the fuck is your problem, you crazy bitch?!” Suigetsu shouted, his voice a little strained from pain and his useless nose. He hadn’t seen that one coming. If only he had, he could have turned to water and avoided all of this. “I think you broke my fucking nose!”

 

Once Karin stopped seeing red, she realized what had happened. “Shit,” she swore, getting the roll of paper towels from the kitchen. “Here.” She tore off several and put them in his hand, guiding it to his nose. His other hand, she wiped clean. “Keep your head tilted; it’ll help the bleeding.”

 

“What did I do?” Suigetsu demanded, betrayal in his tone. The moment had gone swimmingly until she physically assaulted him. 

 

“I didn’t mean to,” she offered in her defense.

 

“You don’t just accidentally break someone’s nose, Karin! God damn! Fucking hurts.”

 

By way of apology, she rolled up her sleeve on her right arm, exposing her wrist. “Here.”

 

Suigetsu pushed her hand away. “Stop. I don’t need you to.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I can’t exactly breathe out my nose right now, and I need my mouth for that.”

 

“Stop being stubborn. It’ll heal in a couple of seconds. You won’t suffocate.”

“No.”

 

“Just do it, asshole.”

 

“Not unless you tell me why the fuck you hit me.”

 

His eyes narrowed, fixed on hers in a challenge. He was hoping that her guilt would outweigh her pride, but it was anyone’s guess. All he had to do was hold out for her decision. She took his wrist in her hand and moved it away from his nose, replacing the bloodied towels with fresh ones. He was starting to feel a little lightheaded. Damn, she had one hell of a skull. The skin around his nose had already started to bruise.

 

Finally, she made her decision. “If I heal you, first.”

 

“Not happening. You’ll heal me and then just ignore me. Talk, first.”

 

“Why are you being so stubborn?! I’m trying to help you!”

 

“Talk to me, dammit!”

 

“I don’t want to!”

 

Tension brought about silence. They were thrown into their waiting game, seeing who would be the first to back down. Suigetsu’s nose had stopped bleeding, and he was able to move the paper towels away from his face. He tested the skin with a light touch, and he hissed at the contact. Yeah, that hurt like a bitch. He sighed, speaking in a much calmer voice. “I want to know what I did so I don’t do it again. My face is the moneymaker, y’know. I can’t have you fucking it up every time I piss you off.” He gave a lopsided grin to show that he was joking, but it looked more like a grimace in his current state.

 

Karin clenched her jaw. She knew it was better to tell him. It was her own trigger, and if he did it again, it would only harm her. He seemed to want to avoid the behavior, so she settled for being as brief as possible: “Don’t pin me again.”

 

Well, that was better than nothing. “Okay, I won’t. I wasn’t trying to upset you, you know.” He creased his brow. “Listen, I’ve been beating around the bush, here, but I’d feel a helluva lot better if you just knew, so I’m just gonna come out and say it.”

 

“Don’t.”

 

Suigetsu’s jaw dropped open slightly, and he waited for some kind of explanation.

 

“I can’t. Just… don’t, okay?” Karin pushed herself up to her feet. “I can’t deal with that. I think I know what you’re going to say, but, please. Just don’t.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” He began to get indignant once more.

 

“Suigetsu. Just stop.”

 

He watched her turn her back on him, watched her walk out the front door. He didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t have money or shoes. How could he have fucked things up so badly?! He let out a cry of anger and slammed his fist into the table. Dammit. What the hell was he supposed to do, now?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get under my skin  
> More than anyone's ever been  
> But when we lay in bed  
> You hold me hard 'til I forget
> 
> That you hate me now and I feel the same way  
> You love me now and I feel the same way  
> We scream and we shout  
> And make up the same day, same day
> 
> Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom  
> And I hope that we keep falling  
> We're on the good side of bad karma  
> 'Cause we keep on coming back for more  
> We're on the right side of rock bottom  
> Into you, I just keep crawling  
> You're the best kind of bad something  
> 'Cause we keep on coming back for more  
> \- Hailee Steinfeld, "Rock Bottom"

He didn’t see Karin for three days. Whether or not she’d even been back to the house wasn’t clear. Nothing seemed to move between his voyages in Doumeki’s boat, but he was too distracted to notice unless it was something significant. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet, but his fishing companion was wise enough not to ask; Suigetsu would open up when he was ready. Other than a few brief conversations, he had hardly spoken. Those days were spent in contemplation, and he faced thoughts that he’d hidden away.

 

Karin had been his primary torturer for years. Day in and day out, she carried out experiments on him like he wasn’t human. His life had been hell because of her. When he found out about her relationship with Kabuto, it was easy to blame him for everything she did. He was pulling the strings, after all. He had to remind himself that, no matter the source of the orders, she willingly carried them out. Even if she was suffering, that was no excuse for what she had done to him. She could have said no at any time.

 

What had happened between then and now to change his mind? Even on Taka, he would hardly consider them teammates. Sure, he saved her life a few times. All he got for it was biting comments and physical attacks. Why had he bothered? It couldn’t have been out of any sort of solidarity or loyalty. There was something in him that wanted her alive. It could have been his killing intent; the constant temptation to slice things in two still ran strong inside of him. And yet, he’d stopped feeling that compulsion toward her a while ago.

 

There was only one logical explanation. He’d gone insane.

 

It wasn’t uncommon for the swordsmen of the Mist to become mentally unstable due to power. Maybe finally getting his hands on the executioner’s blade had done him in. It would explain a lot, now that he thought about it. Complete and total insanity was the only cause he could think of for falling for Karin. 

 

On the fourth day, she was sitting on the porch, holding a cup of tea and staring out at the ocean. It took everything he had not to turn around and walk away. It was tempting. His grip tightened on his fishing rod. From the way his hair was pulled back, it was clear that he’d just returned from the sea. The last thing he wanted to do right now was deal with her. Yet, the anger and frustration that had been boiling inside of him wouldn’t be held back.

 

“Why the fuck are you here?” he snapped, passing by the wooden stairs where she sat. He tucked away his fishing pole in its proper place.

 

“I live here.” Her tone was flat.

 

“Oh, you do? Could’ve fooled me.” He didn’t try to conceal his bitterness. 

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“That seems more like something you’d do.” He closed the door to the lean-to with a harsh slam. 

 

“Control yourself,” she hissed condescendingly. 

 

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do. I’m not the one who up and fucking left. Now, why are you  _ here _ ?” His fist was clenched by his side, and his jaw was set.

 

“I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

 

“Yeah, you do. Do you even fucking realize everything I’ve done for you?! I left  _ everything  _ for you. Every single breakdown, nightmare, no matter what the fuck it was, I was there. But you have to be the most  _ goddamned selfish _ person in the world not to get that! And the  _ one time _ I do something you don’t like, you bail. You don’t yell at me, you don’t fight me, you fucking  _ run away _ ! And now, out of nowhere, you’re back. I deserve my goddamned explanation!”

 

“I don’t need this.” Karin stood up.

 

“What? Gonna run away again? Fine! Fucking go. Be a coward.”

 

Her fist lashed out, but he was prepared. Her skin made contact with nothing but water. She cried out in rage and threw herself at him, tackling him into the sand. “I fucking  _ hate you! _ ”

 

Suigetsu grappled with her, fighting for the upper hand. Neither of them were even close to playful. “Crazy bitch!”

 

Karin was on her back in the sand. She knew that, to keep his grip on her, he had to remain solid. She sank her teeth into his forearm, tearing a yowl from him. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled, forcing her to let go. She jammed her knee up into his chest, knocking the wind out of him. He coughed, and she threw him off.

 

They fought until they were both bruised and bloody, panting from exhaustion. It was the catharsis they both desperately needed. Suigetsu fleetingly thought that physically fighting was a pretty messed up way to handle things, but they’d always settled arguments this way. A rejected expression of emotion, or lack thereof, was no reason that it should change overnight. Between breaths, he gasped, “Happy now?”

 

She glared at him in response. 

 

“You wanna tell me what your fucking problem is?”

 

“You are,” she snarled.

 

“Oh,  _ I  _ am. I try to tell you that I actually give a shit about you, and  _ I’m _ the goddamned problem?!”

 

“Yes, asshole! You are!”

 

“And how the fuck is that?”

 

“ _ I don’t want you to love me _ !”

 

Suigetsu was stunned into silence, trying to process what she’d just said. That one sentence hurt more than any physical blow she’d ever given him. It took him several moments to give voice to a single word: “What?”

 

“I don’t want you to love me,” she repeated. “I can’t handle that. I can’t go through that again. I thought you’d understand, but, apparently, you don’t.” She sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. “You just don’t fucking get it. I can’t do it anymore.”

 

“You aren’t actually telling me that you’re comparing me to those  _ sons of bitches. _ ”

 

She avoided his gaze. That was all he needed to know.

 

“Dammit, woman.”

 

“What do you want from me?!” Her shrill shout pierced the air. “We live together, we share a bed, we've fucked. What else is there?!”

 

“I want you to let me  _ care _ , dammit! Those motherfuckers, they didn't give a shit about you. Don't give me that look. You know I'm right. But you're so goddamned hung up on them that you won't even let me  _ try _ . Just fucking tell me why. Give me a reason.”

 

“I won't feel like that again.”

 

“You won't.”

 

“And how do  _ you _ know that, hm?”

 

“Because I won't let you.”

 

Karin turned to face him, wary of the promise he had just made. He didn't pause long enough for her to refute his bold claim. Instead, he took several steps toward her, closing the distance left by their fray.

 

“You don't get to check out. You don't get to hide your scars and fake being happy. Not with me. If I can get over what you did to me, you sure as fuck can let me in. No one's gonna solve this for you. Stop saying it's not my problem. You need to get your shit together, or they're going to get the best of you.”

 

“I'm not dead just yet.”

 

“No, but you will be. I'm not going to lie and say I'll leave, but I need you to make a choice. You can stay in the past or try to move on. I'm more than willing to help you get there. But if you keep pushing me away, I won't be able to stand it forever.” He turned his back on her, leaving her sitting in the sand. “Think on it.”

 

She stayed put for a long while, all the thoughts in her mind trying to drown the others out until it was just a white noise, like the waves beating against the shore. She closed her eyes for a brief moment. A familiar voice brought her out of her reverie, pulling her back like a hook beneath her navel.

 

“You aren't brave enough to do it,” Kabuto's voice murmured at the edge of her mind. “My little flame has cried wolf a thousand times, haven't you? I'm beginning to think you like the suffering. My dear, you're more masochistic than I knew.”

 

“Get out of my head,” she growled.

 

“If you wanted me gone, I would be. You love having me here. What was it you said to me? ‘You feel like home?’ All I have to do is call you beautiful.”

 

“You're not here.”

 

“I could be, if you'd just look for me. I'm not hiding from you, my dear. You know I'd never attack you the way that monstrosity just did. I care about you far too much to even consider it. I can't tell you how disappointed I am that you disappeared. And with  _ him _ , no less. The things he says to you make me want to cut his throat. He doesn't love you. Not like I do.”

 

“Get  _ out _ !” she shouted, covering her ears as though doing so could block out the sound of his voice. “Go away! You're not here!”

 

“Karin!” Suigetsu was on his knees in front of her, concern painted on his face, plain for her to see. “Karin, snap out of it!” He grasped her biceps and gave her a shake, hoping to break whatever trance she'd fallen into.

 

“He knows where I am,” Karin confessed, panic in her voice.  “He's been coming back. He knows. He has to. I don't want him here.”

Suigetsu pulled her to his chest, trying to bring her down from her panic attack. “You're safe. I won't let anything hurt you.”

 

God, how she wished she could believe him. “You don't know that.”

 

“He would have to kill me to get to you. You're never going back. Not while I'm still here.”

  
They were beautiful words, but the voice in the back of her mind whispered  _ Only as long as you're useful.  _ The way he rubbed small circles on her back in an even pattern was, for now, enough to silence it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll follow you down, through the eye of the storm  
> Don't worry I'll keep you warm.  
> I'll follow you down, while we're passing through space  
> I don't care if we fall from grace  
> I'll follow you down...
> 
> ...to where forever lies  
> Without a doubt I'm on your side  
> There's nowhere else that I would rather be  
> I'm not about to compromise,  
> Give you up to say goodbye  
> I'll guide you through the deep  
> I'll keep you close to me!  
> \- Shinedown, "I'll Follow You"
> 
> Soooooooooo I'm sick. I had this chapter ready to go, and it's a pretty big one, so I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. I probably won't have daily updates until I feel better, though. :(

Doctor Takahashi was terrible when it came to keeping a poker face. Despite her best efforts, Karin saw right through her every time, even when she was being good-natured about it all. When the red-headed nurse caught her alone in the small clinic kitchen, all bets were off. All she had to do was raise one questioning eyebrow to break the good doctor.

 

Grinning, the woman admitted, “I saw you having dinner with your fisherman on your day off.”

 

“He’s not  _ my _ fisherman,” Karin corrected her as she took a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator. “I told you, Mangetsu is a friend.”

 

“As if you don’t want to climb him like a tree.”

 

Both women realized what had been said at the same moment. Karin covered her mouth to try to catch the water she’d spat out, eyes wide. Doctor Takahashi had both hands clamped down over her lips, reddening.

 

“Oh, my god, Tsubaki, I’m so sorry. That was completely inappropriate; I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” She was mortified. They were at work; she was Tsubaki’s boss. Oh, god, this could be interpreted as harassment so easily.

 

The doctor nearly cried in relief when Karin waved her hand after drying it with a paper towel. “I don’t think you harassed me, Doctor. Don’t worry about that. You just caught me off guard.” Karin took a drink of her water, keeping it down this time. This wasn’t the first instance that the doctor didn’t have a verbal filter in place. 

 

“Oh, good,” she sighed. “But, Tsubaki, if you don’t mind me saying, I think it would do both of you a lot of good if you just… you know…” She gesticulated poorly, unable to get her meaning across. “I just want to see you happy. You look happy when you’re with him, so…” She groaned and put her forehead in her hand. First the words came too quickly, and now she couldn’t find the right ones. There was a reason she studied science. “Words aren’t working, but you know what I’m trying to say, right?”

 

“I do.” It was sweet, having someone look out for her like this. She glanced at the clock, seeing how close it was to closing. She desperately wanted someone to talk to; how is it fair that Suigetsu gets Doumeki and she has no one? Testing the waters, she asked, “We’re friends, right?”

 

“I think we are.” She smiled.

 

“So it would be okay if we, you know, talked?”

 

The doctor motioned to the empty chair at the metal table, which Karin took gladly. “Of course. Anything you say to me is in confidence.”

 

Karin sighed and gathered up her confidence. “Okay.”

 

Over the next hour, Karin talked about her past, leaving out any identifying details while still accurately recounting her experiences. Doctor Takahashi didn’t speak; she only listened to her intently. Karin found herself divulging more than she had planned, and, at times, more than she’d ever admitted to herself. The way she talked about it, though, was with a cold detachment that she’d perfected over the years. It was a protective act, one that kept her from seeming emotionally invested in her experiences. It was safer that way.

 

“And that was yesterday,” Karin finished, twisting the cap on her water bottle like it was essential to her livelihood. 

 

“That explains why you look like you’d joined an underground fighting ring,” the doctor mused. In answer to Karin’s questioning glance, she added, “You did well with the makeup, but nothing holds up when you’re in the clinic.”

 

Karin’s hand covered a bruise on her neck, rubbing the injured skin. “That’s embarrassing.”

 

“Don’t worry. I doubt anyone else noticed.” She drummed her fingers on the table. “I have two opinions. One’s as your friend, and the other’s as your doctor. Which one do you want first?”

 

“The clinical opinion.” It was easier to start with logic than emotion.

 

The doctor nodded. “I believe you have post traumatic stress disorder. It’s not surprising, after what you’ve told me. I can write you a script, if you like. I can give you something to, hopefully, keep you from having flashbacks and nightmares. I can certainly give you something to keep you from seeing him when he’s not there. I’d start you off on low doses, and we can find what works best for you. It’s an option, but I’m not sure if you’re okay with medication.”

 

“Yes.” Karin didn’t hesitate. The prospect of getting Kabuto out of her mind was almost too good to be true. The doctor pulled out her pad and wrote three different scripts, which Karin then tucked safely away in her pocket. They were more of a formality than anything else; Karin had access to the medicines stored in the clinic’s pharmacy, but it was easier to keep everything on record, even if there wasn’t a whole lot of oversight for a small, beachside clinic like theirs. 

“Now, as your friend?”

 

Karin nodded.

 

“Living with him isn’t the same as  _ being _ with him. Not to Mangetsu. Even if you think you’re covering all the bases: sex, dates, time spent together, it’s not what he wants. There’s a difference between wanting someone and wanting to be with someone. You’re used to being wanted. It’s what you know. As much as it triggers your memories, it’s almost more comfortable, isn’t it?”

 

Karin didn't know what to say to that. “What else does he want, then?”

 

“An emotional connection. He wants to be happy  _ with _ you, not  _ because _ of you. Does that make sense?”

 

It did, more than it should have. What she'd seen as being nosy, she now realized was concern. He hadn't been prying because her misery was affecting him; he was trying to help her. Karin’s face betrayed the weight she suddenly felt on her shoulders. The magnitude of this development was baffling. She sat in silence as she processed this information, the clock ticking away on the wall.

 

Doctor Takahashi had stood up, but Karin noticed only when the older woman put her hand on her shoulder and squeezed. She smiled down at her, offering, “It'll all work out just fine. Have a little faith. And don't forget those scripts; I'd like to see you well-rested tomorrow.” With that, the doctor took her leave, and Karin had to stay put awhile until she didn't feel quite so dizzy.

 

As though on autopilot, she finally got to her feet and let them carry her to the pharmacy. The motions were all mechanical when it came to filling her own scripts. Three bottles of pills found their way into her purse, and she made sure to lock every door behind her as she left. 

 

* * *

 

“What’s that?” Suigetsu’s voice betrayed his suspicion as Karin swallowed down the pills she had been given. Her first instinct was to fight, to lash out at him verbally or perhaps physically for prying into her personal affairs. When she turned to look at him, she noticed the worry in his eyes. It all came flooding back to her. The last time he’d seen her take any sort of medication, she’d nearly overdosed in her desperation to sleep. Her face softened ever so slightly, remembering what the doctor had told her earlier that day. In a rare show of compliance, she took the bottles in her hand and brought them to the table, setting them down in front of Suigetsu as she took her seat.

 

“Doctor Takahashi prescribed these to help me sleep. They should also help with the nightmares and memories.”

 

Suigetsu studied the labels, face contorted as he tried to make sense of the medical jargon printed on them. He blinked once as he took in her words. “You told her?”

 

“Not everything. Most of it. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t expecting anything, but she’s a good doctor. I trust her enough to give it a shot.”

 

“Hm.” He slid the bottles over to her, and she moved them aside. “Well, as long as you take them how she tells you to…”

 

“I’m not going down that road, again.” Her words were affirming for both him and herself, much to her surprise. “I want to try to do this right, this time. I think she really wants to help me.”

 

“I mean, you’re friends, right? Why wouldn’t she?” He took a pointed drink out of his water bottle. “Not everyone’s out to get you, you know.”

 

“I’m working on it,” she admitted. 

 

“You’re in a pretty decent mood. Looks like it’s working.”

 

“I just took them, asshole. It’s going to take a few weeks.”

 

“Spoke too soon,” he grumbled to himself, his tongue darting out to capture his straw. She caught a playful glint in his eye that he tried to conceal, and she chose not to fight back. He’d continued to deny her attempts to heal him with her chakra, and his nose was still a sickly color from the bruising she’d caused.

 

“What did Mr. Doumeki say about your nose?” she asked, grimacing slightly at the thought.

 

Suigetsu just shrugged. “Told him I deserved it. He didn’t say much about it, after that. I think he likes you more than me. Probably because you’re not on a boat with him for ten hours at a time, if you ask me, but…” 

 

“You didn’t deserve it.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t exactly know what I was doing at the time, but you didn’t deserve it. So, I’m sorry.”

 

Suigetsu put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. She’d never said anything like that before. He didn’t think that those words were even in her vocabulary. As much as he wanted to make a witty comeback, something told her that she was being genuine. The only thing he could offer her was a shocked “Thanks.”

 

The moment was brief. Even though it lasted but a few seconds, Suigetsu privately considered it one of the best exchanges they’d ever had. She’d begun prattling on about her day, something about a sick kid she had to clean up after, but he wasn’t really listening. If she noticed, she didn’t comment. It was a dangerous thought, but he felt like he could get used to this.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You saw me in new light  
> And I saw you  
> Sheltered by the night  
> Red in tooth and red in claw
> 
> Between the daylight  
> And the deep sea  
> Lies a swarm of silhouettes  
> Floating aimlessly
> 
> But I'm a mountain  
> I am a killer  
> You'll get lost and buried deep  
> If you swim with me  
> \- Of Monsters and Men, "Slow Life"
> 
> The last update of 2017! Thank you all for reading and commenting. It means so much <3

The sleeping medicine worked better than she could have imagined. For the first week, she didn't dream at all, and her body was finally able to get the rest it so desperately needed. There were no whispers of Kabuto in her ears as she slept, and she almost cried after that first, peaceful night. Eventually, she began to dream again, but they weren't the same nightmares.

 

These dreams were nonsensical, as though they were about nothing at all. Suigetsu assured her that this was normal, but she wasn't entirely sure. Even in her wildest dreams, a dog that sounded exactly like Juugo was a little too out there to be considered run of the mill. 

 

She found herself standing in her lab that night, but, somehow, it wasn't  _ her _ lab. It was just different enough to be foreign, but it was still oddly recognizable. She then realized that she was in the middle of a dissection. There was a sense of urgency to the procedure, but she knew that she hadn't studied a corpse in years. Her dream urged her on, and she found herself speaking to someone else as she performed the autopsy.

 

“Scarring on the internal organs indicates poisoning, but not recent. Seems to have been removed with a medical jutsu, but not quickly enough.” With deft hands, she cleanly cut out the stomach and placed it on the scale. “Record that.” She nodded to the number on the display. 

 

“None of the damage seems to be post-mortem. Whoever he was, he put up one hell of a fight.” She didn't recognize the still face, but it pulled at her subconscious all the same. From behind her came an incessant tapping noise, which only increased in frequency. “What the hell are you doing?!” she snapped, turning around with scalpel in hand.

 

Suigetsu sat on a metal stool, tapping the point of his pen against the notebook in his lap. “The pen died.”

 

“Get another one, then.”

 

“We don't have any.”

 

“How do we- nevermind. I'm done here, anyway.” Her gloves snapped off of her hands, and she tossed them on the table. She didn't do anything with the body. Her dream-self knew it would be taken care of somehow. She took the notebook from him and scanned it, surprised at how precise his handwriting was. 

 

“Let's go. We’re gonna be late.” Suigetsu took her hand and pulled her along, leading her down unfamiliar hallways. They slowed to a walk, and he let her go, slipping behind her and covering her eyes with his hand. “Don't look.”

 

“Suigetsu, I swear to god-”

 

“Just trust me, okay?”

 

She did. He walked her forward, step by step, until they rounded a corner. He moved his hand, revealing to her a crude, makeshift banner that read ‘happy birthday Karin.’ Underneath it stood Orochimaru, Juugo, Sakura, and a few other acquaintances, including the yellow-haired annoyance that kept wanting to have some ‘family bonding’ because of their shared heritage. 

 

Suigetsu draped an arm across her shoulders, and she smiled. “You didn't have to do this.”

 

“I wanted to.”

 

None of this made any sense. There wasn’t any logic to it, and, somehow, she knew that she was dreaming. With this knowledge, she could easily break the spell and wake herself up. Yet, she had no desire to do so. Whether or not her dream could be understood coherently was no reason to pull herself from this sense of peace. The change wasn’t entirely unpleasant, after all. It would just take some getting used to.

 

* * *

 

The smell of something burning yanked her out of her dream, dragging her back to the waking world. She sat up in alarm and jumped to her feet, kicking away the covers of the futon as she rushed into the main room of the house. Smoke hung below the ceiling, and she made quick work of opening the windows to let it clear. She covered her nose and mouth in her hand before walking into the kitchen in search of the source. 

 

Suigetsu stood at the basin, swearing colorfully to and at himself as he doused a cooking pan with water. He didn’t have time to fetch any, so it was unfortunate that he had to use proper, drinking water to abate the disaster in the kitchen. He ground his teeth in frustration as he tried to pry away the food that was burnt to the bottom of the pan.

 

“What the hell did you do?”

 

He nearly dropped the pan in surprise at her presence. He’d been too preoccupied to notice her. Turning back to his task, he growled, “I was _ trying _ to make you breakfast, but  _ something  _ had to be so damned  _ difficult _ because my life can never be fucking  _ easy. _ ” In a display of frustration, he let go of the utensils, letting them clatter into the basin. He huffed before turning around, his hands gripping the edge of the counter.

 

“What were you trying to make?” She looked up at the smoke, which was trying its best to leave the house.

 

Suigetsu waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. No big deal. Whaddya say we go into town, have someone else make food for us?” It was a diversionary tactic, but it worked better than he’d expected. She gave him a look, but he was spared a verbal thrashing when she returned to the bedroom. He let out a sigh of relief. The last thing he needed was to piss her off so early in the morning. He shot a glare at the pan, vowing to deal with it later, after she left for work. Push come to shove, it wasn’t anything his water release couldn’t fix.

 

As they neared the small village, Suigetsu broke the silence that had rested over their entire walk. “Where do you want to go? It’s your pick.”

 

“Don’t make me choose. I hate when you do that.”

 

“It’s your birthday; you have to pick.”

 

Karin narrowed her eyes at him. What would normally be seen as a kind gesture was something that dug under her skin, and he knew it. She hated having to make such arbitrary decisions; he was pickier than she was, by a long shot, and they’d go in circles for a few minutes before everything was planned. It annoyed her to no end. Trying to save herself a headache, she offered up one of the places he never seemed to take issue with. “Tea at Aiko’s?”

 

He grinned, just as she knew he would. “Sure.”

 

* * *

 

Doctor Takahashi leaned against one of the tables in the lab, taking advantage of a slow hour in the clinic. Karin was focused on the microscope, but that didn’t deter the older woman from speaking up. “You’re in a good mood, today.” Her voice betrayed the smile that Karin couldn’t see.

 

“I can be in a good mood.”

 

“Of course you can. I’m just happy for you. The medicines seem to be working for you?”

 

“As far as I can tell. Although, I’m having some really bizarre dreams. I told Mangetsu, but he says that most people dream incoherently. I’m not so sure he’s the best judge of normalcy, though.”

 

The doctor laughed. “He’s right; it’s perfectly normal. It just takes some getting used to.” She paused for a moment. “Did you think about what we talked about? You know, with him?”

 

“I have,” Karin stated bluntly, surprising herself with her own honesty. “And I’m trying. He started a small kitchen fire this morning. I didn’t lose my temper, and he admitted he was trying to make me breakfast. I let him take me out to eat, instead.”

 

“That’s sweet of him. What’s the occasion?”

 

“Today’s my birthday,” Karin admitted. She didn’t like for people to make a big deal out of the day, so she rarely discussed it. “He’s never done anything like that before, though. I don’t know how to take it, if I’m being honest.”

 

“Why didn't you tell me?! I would have brought something in.”

 

“I don't really celebrate my birthday.”

 

“That's all well and good, but you passed up an opportunity for us to have cake, and that's just wrong.”

 

Karin laughed at the comment. “My apologies.”

 

“How old are you, now?”

 

“Twenty-one. Why?”

 

“I need to know how many candles to bring.”

 

“Please don't.”

 

“Sorry, Tsubaki, but you're not getting out of this that easily.” The doctor winked. The bell above the door chimed, and she glanced at her watch. “That's my three o'clock.” 

 

Karin shook her head as the doctor took her advantageous escape from the lab. There was nothing that could change her mind. She was going to be subjected to the social anxiety that was a public birthday celebration. Great. Just great.

 

* * *

 

Suigetsu stood, beaming, when she walked through the door that evening. She eyed him with suspicion, unsure of what he was up to. She hung her coat by the door and walked over, noticing that the small table had been set with bowls of rice and a plate of grilled fish. He gestured for her to sit, informing her, “I figured I owed you a round two after this morning. It's not high-class, but at least it isn't burnt!” He grinned at his own joke, trying to lighten the mood.

 

To his relief, Karin didn't say anything one way or the other. She nodded her approval when she tried the fish. “What did you put on this?”

 

“I got some spices from a merchant passing through. He had stuff I'd only ever seen back home. Gotta admit, I missed it.”

 

“It's wonderful.” She truly meant it. If there was one thing Suigetsu knew how to cook, it was fish. 

 

He grinned at her unexpected praise. “Thanks. There's a couple more recipes I remember from when I was a kid that I can try, now.”

 

“Good. Maybe you can cook for a change.”

 

“Watch it,” he gestured with his chopsticks in warning. “I cook my fair share, and you know it.”

 

She did, but it was amusing to say otherwise, and so she often contradicted him. Tonight, however, she had to admit that it was a nice gesture, especially after that morning's less than stellar attempt. It was impressive that he hadn't given up altogether. “I'm impressed you remembered my birthday.”

 

“How come?” Suigetsu looked over at her. “It's easy. It's the earliest day that the summer solstice can fall on.” He shrugged, as though it was obvious.

 

“I’d never thought about that.”

 

“Yeah, because it's  _ your _ birthday. Of course you remember it.” He set down his chopsticks and reached into his pocket. “Speaking of which…” A small box slid across the table as he pushed it, watching her with a grin. 

 

Karin took the box from him, opening it with some hesitation. Inside was a small metal bar, capped on either end by silver balls. She picked it up between her thumb and index finger, examining it with some confusion.

 

“It's a piercing. You know, for your ear,” Suigetsu explained. “I can return it if you don't like it, but the shopkeeper had one, and I think you'd look badass with it.”

 

Karin stood and walked into the bedroom, returning with a senbon between her fingers. She sat down in front of Suigetsu and moved her hair to the side, handing him the weapon. “Go ahead.”

 

“You sure about this?” He leaned forward so that he could look her in the eye.

 

“I trust you.”

 

“Okay, but you asked for this. Don't hurt me.” He took the cartilage of her ear and stretched it taut, lining up the senbon. “Stay still. I don't want to mess this up.”

 

Karin winced, but she didn't make a sound. She took a breath in and braced herself a second time. “Go.”

 

Suigetsu made the second piercing. Moving quickly, he inserted the bar. “Done.”

 

“And?”

 

“It's badass.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where you're going  
> But do you got room for one more troubled soul?  
> I don't know where I'm going  
> But I don't think I'm coming home and I said  
> I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead  
> This is the road to ruin  
> And we're starting at the end  
> \- Fall Out Boy, "Alone Together"
> 
> Happy New Year! I wanted to get this chapter out to kick off 2018! :)

With a bag of groceries in the crook of his arm, Suigetsu strolled down the waterfront. After a long day on the boat, he was looking forward to taking off his shoes and relaxing in the few solitary hours he had before Karin came home from the clinic. His pace was rhythmic, and he sang to himself with each step, trying to get Doumeki’s sailor song out of his head.

 

“ Farewell and adieu unto you Suna ladies

Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Wind

For it's we've received orders for to sail for old Kiri

But we hope very soon we shall see you again!”

 

Dammit, why did it have to be so catchy? The old man seemed to have a thousand of them tucked away in his memory. One by one, Suigetsu was learning them by heart, unable to escape the shanties in the confines of the small boat. He hummed the tune to himself, having forgotten the next several lines of the song. Unable to remember what came next, he looped back around to the beginning.

 

“ Farewell and adieu unto you Suna ladies

Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Wind.”

 

He kicked his shoes off at the door and began to walk to the kitchen.

 

“For it's we've received orders for to sail for old Kiri

But we hope very soon we shall see you again!”

 

He held the last note dramatically, just for the hell of it. The brown, paper bag found a place on the countertop. Suigetsu’s hand darted out, grabbing a sharp kitchen knife by the handle. If he hadn’t been so self-absorbed a moment ago, he would have noticed the intruder before now. But this wasn’t the time to curse himself. He wheeled around, putting his back to the counter for his own safety. Upon seeing the face of the intruder, he faltered, nearly dropping the knife.

 

“Juugo?”

 

The tall man was relaxed, completely non-threatened by Suigetsu’s defensive posture. “I can’t believe I actually found you all the way out here.”

 

“What are you doing here, Juugo?” Suigetsu couldn’t keep the suspicion out of his voice.

 

“Lord Orochimaru sent me to find you and bring you home.” A large hand pulled out a chair, which he sat on. “I’ve been looking for months. Sasuke sent word that you’d vanished, and Lord Orochimaru sent me on your trail. You did a good job of not leaving one.”

 

“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”

 

Juugo shook his head.

 

Suigetsu had to think fast. “Let’s get going, then. I don’t have anything to bring with me, other than the sword.”

 

“We can’t leave without Karin.”

 

“Tough shit, then. She bailed about a month ago.” He was lying through his teeth, and hopefully it was believable. “What, you think she wouldn’t’ve killed me by now? She got sick of my shit. Didn’t tell me where she went. Didn’t care to ask.”

 

“You’re a terrible liar.”

 

“The fuck would I lie about that? Crazy bitch does what she wants, you know that. Good riddance. She can go piss somebody else off.”

 

Juugo reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of pill bottles, which he sat down on the table. All of them were printed with Karin’s name. So, he’d gone snooping around the bedroom, then. “The date on these is from earlier this week. They’re nearly full. They were on the sink, along with a brush with her hair in it, and her glasses case.” Checkmate. “What’s going on, Suigetsu?”

 

The white-haired man sighed, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Look, man. I’ll go back with you. I won’t say a damned word about it, either. Just let her stay. It’s good for her, here.”

 

“I have to bring both of you back.”

 

“But  _ why _ ?”

 

“Lord Orochimaru needs help with Mitsuki. Karin’s the only one who has been there for the entire process. He won't take no for an answer. I might get away with taking her and letting you stay here, but not the other way around. If you'd prefer that-”

 

“No. You're not taking her back. Not without me.”

 

“Why the sudden devotion?”

 

“You were there. You saw how bad she got. If I didn't want her to off herself then, why would I now?”

 

“Suit yourself.”

 

“We won't stay.” Suigetsu looked at Juugo, daring him to protest. “We go, do what needs to be done, and we're gone. Fuck, you could come too, if you want.”

 

“I can't leave Sasuke. You know that.”

 

“Fuck him! He's not Kimimaro.”

 

“Careful,” Juugo warned.

 

They were pulled from their conversation when the front door opened. Karin stood in the threshold, gripping Suigetsu’s fishing pole as a weapon. She'd sensed Juugo long before she saw him, and she was ready for a fight. “How did you find us?” The look in her eye was that of a cornered animal, but one that wasn’t going down without a fight.

 

“It wasn't easy. Lord Orochimaru sent for you. You need to come back with me; Mitsuki is giving him more trouble than he thought.”

 

“Why should I care? He can go straight to hell.” She stepped into the house and set down the pole. She stood straight as she challenged, “You can stay, or you can leave and forget you ever saw us. I am  _ not _ going back.”

 

“Either you go to him, or he comes to you. You won't like the second one, trust me.”

 

“Look, babe, get in, get out, done. He finds us here, we can't come back, and you know it. Juugo won't tell, will you?” Suigetsu looked back at him.

 

The giant shook his head. “There's no reason to say where I found you, if you come back with me.”

 

“I'm not going, Suigetsu.” Karin narrowed her eyes at him. 

 

Suigetsu sighed. “Give us a minute, would you, Juugo?” He waited until their old teammate stepped out the front door before he approached her. “I don't like it either. But we don't really have a choice. If he comes here, we put the whole place at risk. We can't do that. Not if we ever want to come back.” He reached out and put his hands on her hips, drawing her a step closer. “It'll be, what, a week and a half, tops? Like I said. Get in, get out. Do what you gotta do. Poison his tea for all I care. Then we fuck off and do a better job of covering our trail.” He put a finger under her chin to lift her face to his. “Okay?”

 

“No, it's not okay,” she hissed, but her anger wasn't directed at him. “There's no way to know he'll let us leave. You know him as well as I do. He might just hold us prisoner.” She leaned her head down, resting it against his shoulder. “I'll go. You stay here.”

 

“Fuck no.”

 

“You don't need to get wrapped up in this. Stay, hold down the fort. Make something up for Doctor Takahashi.”

 

“Not happening. You go, I go. That's the deal.”

 

“Quit being stubborn.”

 

“You, first.”

 

Karin lifted her head so that she could stare him down. He didn't waver. There was no arguing with him, and she knew it. They would go round and round until one of them waited just a second too long, declaring the other the victor. She had a long day, and she was smart enough to know that she would be the loser. Rather than expend her energy, she clenched her jaw and muttered, “Fine.”

 

“Everything's gonna be okay,” he assured her, drawing her into an embrace that he felt she needed. She didn't push him away, and he knew he had been right. “Go pack our stuff. I'll tell Juugo and write a note for Doumeki. Hopefully, I can convince Juugo to let us sleep here for the night. Wish me luck.”

 

She shifted in his hold, and, to his surprise, gave him a quick peck. The look in her eyes was regretful, mourning their circumstances but remaining silent. She broke away, offering him a half-hearted “Good luck.” The door to the bedroom closed behind her.

 

Suigetsu sighed and rubbed his face, wishing he was half as confident as he sounded. The deep, dark part of himself, the place that was bloodthirsty, suggested that he just cut Juugo down and be done with it. Yet, this annoying concept called camaraderie and friendship kept him from listening, even if it would have been the easiest way out. Karin would be pissed if he did anything of the sort. He was well and truly fucked.

 

He stepped out the front door and approached Juugo, who was staring at the sea. “We’ll go with you,” he declared. “Here.” Several bills found their way into Juugo’s palm. “Go get a room at the inn. It’ll be better for everyone if we get going in the morning. Karin and I worked most of the day; we wouldn’t get far. Might as well be comfortable.”

 

“I can stay here, save your money,” Juugo protested, uncomfortable with the gesture.

 

“Just go. Trust me, there’s nowhere for you to sleep here.”

 

“If you’re sure…”

 

“I am. We won’t go anywhere. Just meet us here tomorrow morning. Let us sleep in a little bit, though. Okay?”

“If that’s what you want.” Juugo shrugged. Despite their desertion, he still held a lot of faith in both Karin and Suigetsu. “I’ll see you in the morning, I guess.”

 

“Sleep tight, big guy!” Suigetsu called after Juugo’s shrinking form. Once he was far enough away, Suigetsu let his smile fall from his face. He groaned in frustration and kicked the sand at his feet. Dammit, why now?! He stalked back into the house, locking the door behind him for good measure, even if it wouldn’t keep any shinobi out.

 

On the other side of the bedroom door, Karin sat on her knees, packing away what little they had to their names. A tight knot sat in her stomach, a physical manifestation of pure dread. She wanted to run, but there was nowhere she could go that she couldn’t be found now that Juugo had discovered her. Lost in these thoughts, she almost didn’t notice that Suigetsu had returned. Her fingers rubbed her brow when she asked, “How much of this do you want packed or stored?” She gave a nod to his dresser drawers.

 

“Don’t worry about that right now.”

 

Her eyes flashed when she looked up at him. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that?” Her tone was harsh, even though her anger wasn’t with him. She caught herself, and her hands tightened around the shirt she was holding. A deep breath, and she continued calmly, “Who knows if we’ll be coming back. We have to take everything, just in case, and we don’t have time to-”

 

“Hey,” he knelt down beside her, loosening her fingers from the fabric. “We’re gonna be back. I told you that. We’ll pack up our stuff anyway, but we won’t be gone long. You need to believe that.”

 

“I wish I could.”

 

“C’mon, don’t give me that face. What can I do to help?”

 

He didn’t know what was happening until his back hit the ground, his head smacking harshly against the floor. Her lips were on his, moving almost desperately. She drug her teeth along his bottom lip, and he tried to protest. Her breath was hot on the shell of his ear when she said “I need a distraction.”

 

He grinned lecherously up at her. “I guess I could help with that.”

 

“Good. Because who knows when we’ll get to do this again.”

 

“Don’t say shit like that, babe.”

 

“I’m serious. We won’t be traveling alone, and god knows what we’re getting pulled into by Lord Orochimaru.”

 

“Can you  _ please _ not remind me of creepy snake grandpa when you’re on top of me?”

 

She smirked and ground her hips against his, effectively banishing the thought from his mind. “You’d better make this good.”

 

“Oh, I can do that.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You put a sour little flavor in my mouth now  
> You move in circles hoping no one's gonna find out  
> But we're so lucky,  
> Kiss the ring and let 'em bow down  
> Looking for the time of your life (ain't always gonna find out)
> 
> A pretty picture but the scenery is so loud,  
> A face like heaven catching lighting in your nightgown,  
> But back away from the water, babe, you might drown  
> The party isn't over tonight (lighting in your nightgown)  
> \- Panic! at the Disco, "Miss Jackson"

“Lord Orochimaru has relocated to the Hidden Sound for the time being,” Juugo informed his companions as they ran, doing their best to make good time. Both Karin and Suigetsu wanted to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible, and he could respect that. There was no reason to linger on their journey from the Land of Wind; in fact, they’d gone without sleep almost every other night, trying to cover more ground. “He sent me to find you when he left the Land of Fire. I’m not sure why he switched hideouts, though.”

 

“We brought a lot of equipment with us to the Land of Fire, but the labs in the Sound were set up exclusively for experimentation,” Karin recalled. “Odds are, they’re at the main research station there.” She wasn’t keen on returning now that she knew; both she and Suigetsu had spent years underground there, him as an experiment and her as an assistant. It wasn’t a particularly pleasant place.

 

“Great,” Suigetsu spat sarcastically. “Traumatize another kid there, why don’t you, old man?”

 

“He’s trying his best with Mitsuki,” Juugo added, instinctively protective of their master.

 

“Oh, so he hasn’t killed him, yet?”

 

“Suigetsu, stop.” Karin shot him a glare. She didn’t want to think about it, either, but he wasn’t helping by being harsh. Muscle memory carried her out of the way of Orochimaru’s traps, which littered the area around the hideout. Juugo and Suigetsu fell in behind her, following in her footsteps. Neither of them had come and gone from this place as frequently as she had. The closer they came, the more vile the taste in her mouth grew. Her subconscious was screaming at her to flee, but she steeled her nerves. She would do what needed to be done, and not one single thing more.

 

Her feet touched down on cobbled stone, and her companions landed just a few seconds apart. The tunnel before her was dark and imposing. Her jaw clenched as she forced herself to face it. It wasn’t until she felt Suigetsu’s hand on her shoulder that she snapped back to reality. “Let’s get this over with,” she growled, squaring her shoulders as she began to walk. Her heels clicked on the stone floor, echoing down the hall. If memory served, she had a strong feeling that she knew where Orochimaru would be. 

 

Predictably, as she turned a corner to the left, light streamed out of an open door near the end of the hall. She’d been in that room many times, both as patient and researcher. She did her best to still the nausea she felt, but acid tried to creep up her throat all the same. Suigetsu’s concern rolled through his chakra in waves, but she couldn’t calm herself enough to reassure him that she was okay. She didn’t even know if she was. Stepping over the threshold, fluorescent light illuminated her, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust.

 

“Ah, Juugo, I see you managed to find our wayward souls,” Orochimaru’s voice purred from across the room. The sannin lifted himself from his desk chair and crossed the lab, coming to stand in front of the trio. He smiled disarmingly, but it was clearly forced. “Although, I’m surprised you’ve both returned in one piece. I was sure you’d have killed one another by now.” He approached Karin and turned, standing by her side. A cold hand rested between her shoulder blades as he led her over to his desk. 

 

“Tell me, my dear, did you do that to your hair voluntarily, or did Suigetsu take a kunai to it in your sleep?” Golden eyes glittered with amusement as Orochimaru noticed the shaved portion of Karin’s head, but his joke didn’t catch on, to his disappointment. “Very well, then,” he diverted, trying not to seem perturbed that his humor had fallen flat. He handed Karin a lab coat, one she had worn many times before. The pocket still held her pen and flip notebook. “Mutsuki is giving me far more trouble than I expected. I need an extra set of hands and another mind for this.” He looked back over his shoulder. “You two are dismissed. Do what you please.”

 

“I’ll stay here, thanks.” Suigetsu sat down defiantly in Orochimaru’s desk chair. He crossed his legs and leaned back against the edge of the desk, observing with an expressionless face.

 

“I see,” Orochimaru smirked. “Do stay out of the way.”

 

“Mitsuki seems fine,” Karin declared, studying the monitors that were hooked up to the boy. “What do you need me for?”

 

“His chakra pathways are congested. I assume it’s because he isn’t naturally-born.” Orochimaru placed his hand gently on the sleeping child’s cheek. “It’s a persistent issue. He can’t be self-sustaining if his life force can’t flow freely through his body.”

 

Karin turned her piercing glare on him. “Don’t tell me that you brought me back just to give him some of my chakra.”

 

“If it were that simple, I could have worked it out myself. No, his levels are more than sufficient.”

 

“I’ll help you figure out what’s wrong, but that’s all,” Karin warned him. “I’m leaving as soon as we’re through.”

 

“You can’t do that,” Orochimaru frowned. “It took months for me to call on you. I can’t have that happening again. You’ve been offered protection because you operate under my domain.”

 

Ah, so he planned to hold her freedom against her. She crossed her arms and lifted her chin in defiance. “I will have independent status, the same you gave me before your death. I’ll operate under, but outside of, you. I’ll have my own authority, my own finances, and a choice on what I will and will not do. In return, you’ll be aware of my location and can call on me should you need me. Agreed?”

 

“You’re asking for quite a bit.”

 

“Nothing more than you gave Kabuto.”

 

The two scientists stared one another down, refusing to budge from their positions. After a few tense moments, Orochimaru grinned. He was quite proud of her. She hadn’t shown this much backbone in years. “Very well. Consider his job yours. He trained you well for it, after all.” He hummed to himself, turning back to Mitsuki. “You’ll find my observations on my desk. Read over them and tell me what you think. Take all the time you need, although I’d prefer to get started as soon as possible.”

 

“Yes, my lord.”

 

Orochimaru eyed Juugo and Suigetsu with suspicion. “Will they be a distraction?”

 

“I’ll handle it if they are.”

 

“Excellent. You’ll know where to find me, of course.”

 

Suigetsu tried to catch Karin’s eye, but she remained focused on the task at hand. She hopped up on the desk beside him, taking Orochimaru’s notebook in her hands. It was going to be a very long night.

 

* * *

 

Karin sat beside Mitsuki’s bed, her head in her hands as she tried to fight off fatigue. She placed her forearms on the mattress and looked wearily at the sleeping child. With a sigh, she asked, “What’s wrong with you?” Everything would be so much easier if he could answer. She’d read Orochimaru’s notes three times, and nothing stood out to her as unusual. It was frustrating not being able to figure out what should have been a simple puzzle. She was intimately aware with how the human body functioned, and yet, there was nothing she could see that would cause such a reaction in Mitsuki’s chakra pathways. She couldn’t be that rusty; years of research didn’t disappear overnight. 

 

She reached out and placed her hand on top of his, almost half the size of her own. “Help me out, here, Mitsuki,” she murmured, resting her forehead against his cold fingers. A knock on the doorframe startled her, and she shot up out of the chair. She sat back down with a thump when she saw that it was only Suigetsu. “Don’t do that.”

 

“You need to sleep.” He stepped into the lab, nodding at the clock. “It’s four in the morning. You said you’d get to sleep five hours ago.”

 

“I know.” Karin leaned back in her chair. She took off her glasses and rubbed her tired eyes. “I can’t figure it out. I’ve been over it all several times. There’s nothing objectively wrong with him.” Her glasses came to rest on the bridge of her nose once more. “There shouldn’t be any issue. Orochimaru did everything perfectly. Mitsuki should be a perfectly healthy little boy, but here he is, not even able to wake up.”

 

Suigetsu moved to stand behind her chair, letting her rest her head against his abdomen. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Babe, you need to sleep. He’s not going anywhere.”

 

“I’m smarter than this. It shouldn’t be this hard. What am I missing?”

 

“You’re tired. You can’t think straight.” He gave her shoulders a guiding push. “You’re coming to bed, sleeping, and then you can come back to this in the morning. You’re a real bitch when you don’t sleep, and nobody wants to deal with that.”

 

“Asshole,” she growled, but she let him steer her out of the lab all the same. It was easy to tell that he was leading her back to her old bedroom. In her tired state, it brought about a weird sense of deja vu. Wait, the entire time Suigetsu was here, he was kept in a stasis pod; it wasn’t until Sasuke broke him out that he was free, and they didn’t stay. Idly, she wondered if he had taken over her room.

 

Her question was answered when she saw the sheets of her bed in disarray, clearly thrown off when he’d woken up to get her. Their packs sat on the floor, a stark contrast to the few things she’d left behind. On her bedside table, a picture frame lay face-down against the wood. She couldn’t remember having placed it that way. She sat down on the edge of the bed and picked it up, brushing the dust from the glass.

 

She was much younger in the picture, about fourteen or fifteen, if she had to guess. She was dressed in a brightly patterned yukata, and a mask was tied around her head, sitting to the right side of her face, out of the way. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head, and in one hand she held a stick of dango. Her other hand was wrapped around her companion’s wrist, forcing his fingers up into a peace sign, extended to the camera. Kabuto was looking at her, rather than the lens, a look of amused annoyance on his face. He seemed to be fussing at her, but he wore a playful grin that contrasted the behavior. Like her, he had a mask to the side of his face, and he was clad in a purple yukata with a grey obi. His other arm was extended, reaching for a stick of dango held by a hand, cut off at the edge of the photo. She’d clearly pulled him away for the photo before he could get his own.

 

Mindlessly, she opened the drawer to her bedside table and placed the photo inside, closing it without a second thought. She remembered why she’d chosen to leave these things behind, now. 

 

Suigetsu’s snoring pulled her from her revelry. That’s right, she needed to sleep. Half-awake, she dug through her pack until she found a change of clothes. When she stripped, she didn’t bother putting her clothes in the basket. They’d be just as at home on the floor for the night. She pulled the tie from her hair and settled down under the sheets, turning her back to the bedside table. With a few shifts of her body, she’d aligned herself against Suigetsu, and she put her head on his chest. A sharp poke in the ribs startled him enough that he stopped snoring, but not enough that he awoke. Finally. She settled in, hoping to get at least a few hours of sleep before someone decided to wake her.

 

* * *

 

“You’re going about this all wrong, you know.”

 

Karin spun around at the sound of his voice, taking a step back from him. Kabuto sat on a wooden porch she didn’t recognize, leaning back on one hand and drinking sake with the other. He was dressed in the same yukata from the picture she’d just seen. Clearly, in her sleep-addled state, her brain was trying to process the memory as a dream. Knowing this logically didn’t help in the moment. He set down his sake and beckoned to her, inviting her to join him.

 

Against her own volition, her feet carried her forward. He smiled at her, sickly sweet, the way he always did when he was being subtly patronizing. Another drink from his cup, then, “You’re being too superficial. You won’t find the answer in notes of vital signs. I taught you better than that, my little flame.”

 

“Go to hell,” she hissed.

 

Kabuto let out a world-weary sigh, looking up at the full moon hanging in the sky. “I’m trying to help you, you know. Don’t blame me just because your subconscious manifested me to help you understand the problem.”

 

“I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you.”

 

“We both know that’s a lie.” He grinned devilishly, rotating his wrist so that the sake in his cup rippled in small waves. “I know everything you know. You’re the one who brought me here. Save your energy and be honest, hm?” He continued before she could answer him. “We were in Wave Country during the Tanabata festival when that picture was taken, do you remember? ‘The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl.’ You loved that story. Orihime and Hikoboshi, or whatever names the storyteller gave them; you were always enamored. You had the sweetest smile every time the two were finally allowed to meet again, on the seventh day of the seventh month. I’d never seen you so heartbroken as the one year it rained on Tanabata.”

 

“What’s your point?” She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. He ignored her, a faraway look in his gaze. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t pull herself out of the dream.

 

“Do you remember the wishes we tied to the bamboo? Mine was simple: that we could successfully complete our mission. You wouldn’t tell me yours.” His eyes glinted. “I snuck a peek when your back was turned, you know. Yours was that I’d return your affections. Very sweet, I have to say. Not the most orthodox way to confess infatuation, but all the same. You made me sing with you.” He cleared his throat.

 

“The bamboo leaves rustle,

shaking away in the leaves.

The stars twinkle

on the gold and silver grains of sand.

The five-colour paper strips

I have already written.

The stars twinkle,

they watch us from heaven.”

 

She’d forgotten how much she’d enjoyed listening to him sing. Her heart twisted, but she pushed through, maintaining her resolve. “I don’t see how any of this is relevant.”

 

“It isn’t,” he said with a smile. “I just wanted to reminisce for a while. Think of better times.” He refilled his cup and offered it to Karin, who glared at him until he pulled his arm back. He stood up and stretched, his back popping into place the way it always did. When he approached her, she couldn’t move, no matter how hard he tried. His hands came to rest on her hips, and he smiled down at her. “I haven’t forgotten that night, and neither have you. It was the first night I had you, after all. Such a little minx, waiting for me in my bed the way you were.” His voice had dropped to a purr as his lips brushed her ear. “You always had a bit of the devil in you.”

 

A shiver ran down her spine, and she struggled between equally strong feelings of disgust and infatuation. “Stop,” she ordered.

 

“Ah, ah. That wasn’t our safeword.” His chuckle vibrated against her chest. “Why won’t you just admit that you miss me? That I’m better than he is? I challenged you. I was your equal intellectually, physically, sexually. He’s nothing compared to that. He doesn’t know you like I do.” His fingers trailed over familiar territory. 

 

“You’re a sociopath.”

 

“So are you. And you wear it so well.”

 

Karin found her strength and shoved him away, making him stumble back several steps. The force wasn’t a deterrent; the look in his eyes made that abundantly clear. “I’m nothing like you!”

 

“I thought I told you it’s pointless to lie to yourself.” He gave a lecherous grin. “You know this is a dream. Just give in. What’s the harm? This is all in your mind. No consequences, no repercussions. No one would ever have to know.”

 

“Get  _ out! _ ”

  
Kabuto sighed and shook his head. “How disappointing. Well, you know where I am when you change your mind. And you  _ will _ , trust me.” He turned his back on her, vanishing from her sight with each step he took. All that remained was the porch and the cup of sake, which Karin threw back without hesitation.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Babe, there's something tragic about you  
> Something so magic about you  
> Don't you agree?
> 
> Babe, there's something lonesome about you  
> Something so wholesome about you  
> Get closer to me
> 
> No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no irony  
> No 'who cares', no vacant stares, no time for me
> 
> Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago  
> Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword  
> Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know  
> I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door  
> \- Hozier, "From Eden"

Mitsuki lay on the table, immobile as his chest rose and fell in a regular rhythm. Karin’s hands hovered over his body, probing with her chakra in search of his ailment. From head to toe, she couldn’t detect anything out of the ordinary. She set her hands down and leaned forward onto the table. Her eyes closed as she willed herself to think.

 

_ “You’re going about this all wrong, you know.” _

 

That was far from helpful. She didn’t need Kabuto in her head. She was trying to focus, and ever since she had woken up, she’d been on edge. Luckily, she hadn’t run into Suigetsu yet. It might have been a dream, but she had been tempted. It took everything she had to force him out, and she was loathe to admit it to herself. 

 

Suigetsu was right about Kabuto, in so many ways. But that didn’t erase the good times they’d had together. She couldn’t believe that the entire thing was a farce. No one was that good. Whether he remembered that festival fondly or not, she doubted he was acting that night. It was one of the rare times he’d laughed, something he did only when he allowed himself to relax. She hated that she knew that about him. It was conflicting. She wanted to loathe him, she wanted to be strong enough to detest him; yet, he’d made her happy. The voice in her head reminded her that her manipulated past was talking, but it was difficult to listen. 

 

Her love for him hadn’t been a lie, even if his had been.

 

_ “You’re being too superficial. You won’t find the answer in notes of vital signs. I taught you better than that, my little flame.” _

 

She couldn’t stay in the lab and think about him any longer. She didn’t need him in her mind, because she was starting to wonder what conclusions he would draw from the available information. There was no denying that he was an admirable scientist. He was highly intelligent and well-practiced in several fields. He had been her mentor, everything else aside, and he’d taught her well. Yet, she couldn’t crack the code. Wondering whether or not he could wasn’t doing anything positive for her focus or her self-esteem.

 

Her latex gloves were thrown into the trash with excessive force. She needed to clear her head. Her fingers removed the tie from her hair and ran them through it, trying to get it back in place. As much as she didn’t want to, it was time to report to Orochimaru. It was never good to come to him with nothing, but she didn’t have much of a choice. Her feet led her to the appropriate door, and she knocked politely out of habit.   
  


“Enter.”

 

The door opened to reveal Orochimaru, who was sitting at his desk and reading an aged scroll. He looked up and over at her. His hands began to roll the scroll back into place. “Ah, Karin. Good news, I hope?”

 

“I’m sorry, my lord. I’ve gone over everything. It’s not anything that I’m capable of fixing.”

 

She was caught off guard by the pained look that crossed the pale man’s face. His eyes saw through her, past her to something she couldn’t see. He leaned back in his chair and, in a display of fatigue she’d never seen, rubbed his eyes with one hand. “I see.”

 

“My lord?” Karin took a step forward, not entirely sure what to do.

 

Orochimaru turned in his chair to face her. It was then that he said the few words she’d never thought she’d hear from him: “I’m at a loss.” He stood up and picked up the scroll, crossing the room to put it back on the shelf. “I’ve tried everything I can think of. Nothing’s worked.”

 

“Has Sakura returned from the mission, yet?”

 

“I don’t believe so. Why?” When he turned around, it was clear that he knew she had something on her mind.

 

“The only thing I can think to do would be a sort of fine-tuned acupuncture. Perhaps, if pulses of chakra are pumped into the blockages, they’ll be forced open.” It wasn’t a guarantee, but it was the best she could come up with. “The person would need extremely precise chakra control, much finer than what I’m capable of. Sakura is the only ninja that comes to mind who might be able to perform the procedure.”

 

The sannin tapped his chin in thought. “She’s still in the Land of Iron, as far as I know. Princess Tsunade could help, if only I knew where she was or how to contact her…” 

 

“Do you have allies from other lands? There has to be someone.” Orochimaru’s network was far too vast for him not to have other options available. 

 

“Perhaps. I’ll need to establish contact with some old friends if I want to find out.” The man approached Karin and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Excellent work. This is the first lead I’ve had in months.” He withdrew his hand and sat down at his desk once more. “I never thought it’d be you to take on the roll, but you’re filling Kabuto’s shoes quite well. You should be proud.”

 

“Thank you, my lord.”

 

“I’ll ask that you stay for the time being. Should I make contact with an ally, and should they agree to assist us, there’s still no guarantee that this will work. I will most likely need your council in the near future.”

 

“Yes, my lord.”

 

“Oh, and Karin? I see that you’ve grown close to our Kiri friend. I’ll look the other way, just as I did with Kabuto, so long as you don’t let this tryst interfere with your work. Agreed?”

 

Karin paused on her way out the door. Stiffly, she inquired, “What are you talking about?”

 

Orochimaru smiled down at his work, amused at what he assumed was her playing coy. “My dear, it matters little to me who you choose to warm your bed. I’m only reminding you not to let it cloud your judgement. You do supersede Suigetsu, after all.” His pen tapped on a sheet of paper to get the ink flowing. “Kabuto wasn’t permitted to give you preferential treatment. I ask that you do the same.”

 

Her knuckles were white from grasping the doorknob. Through gritted teeth, she affirmed, “Yes, my lord.” 

 

Resisting the urge to slam the door was one of the most challenging moments of her life.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Goddammit! _ ” The glass slipped through Karin’s fingers when she hurled a beaker against the far wall, where it shattered into thousands of little pieces. “That lying  _ son of a bitch _ !” Here in her old lab, she could vent her frustration and anger away from everyone else. This wing had been unused for years now; there was no need for it once the hideout had been abandoned. In the moment, she couldn’t care less about the damage she was causing. She was far more dangerous than anything Orochimaru would do to her. Even he knew when to back down from her temper.

 

She let out a shout as she threw another beaker, feeling strangely vindicated when it broke apart. “ _ Mother-fucking, _ ” crash, “ _ manipulative, _ ” bang, “ _ ASSHOLE! _ ” Anything in Kabuto’s portion of the old lab was fair game for her wrath. If he’d so much as touched it, it found its way into her hand and on the path to its destruction. Wordless rage came out in the form of a scream. Her arm ached down to the bone from the exertion, but she was blind to it in the moment. 

 

“I’ll rip his fucking heart out!” A test-tube rack splintered into pieces, coming apart from the force of the impact. The wood made a harsher sound than the glass had, and it was strangely satisfying. Her fingertips brushed polished steel, and she looked to the right only to see that the workstation was now bare. “Dammit!” She kicked the side of the desk, and it screeched against the tile floor. “Dammit…”

 

Her back slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She drew her legs to her chest and put her head on her knees, exhausted and defeated. It was only when the lenses of her glasses became dirtied that she realized she was crying. She lifted her head and leaned it back against the wall, staring up at the high ceiling. What was she doing here? What did any of it even matter? She couldn’t help Mitsuki, the one person in this god-forsaken hole who’d never done anything wrong. She could hardly keep her wits about her, and virtually every room held some sort of triggering memory. She couldn’t keep Kabuto out of her head, no matter how hard she tried.

 

She was so sick and tired of living life as Karin. Tsubaki had a peaceful life, out beside the beach in a village where she was accepted despite being a total stranger. Her work in the clinic was appreciated and respected, and the worst she had to deal with amounted to the rare difficult pregnancy or broken bone. Tsubaki bathed in the ocean and walked on the sand, had someone who cared deeply about her and who would do anything for her. Karin, however, had nothing.

 

Time passed strangely in the lab. It always had. When Suigetsu opened one of the doors and peered inside, Karin wasn’t sure just how long she’d been sitting there. “Babe, you in here?”

 

She seriously considered not answering him. She wanted to be left alone. However, it seemed like she couldn’t even have that luxury. He spotted her when he wandered into the lab, eyes widening when he got a good look at the room. “The hell happened?” He approached her with caution.

 

“Nothing.” She would have been more convincing if her voice hadn’t been sore from shouting.

 

He knelt down in front of her, and she turned her head to the side, unwilling to face him head-on. “Look me in the eye and tell me that it’s nothing.”

 

“Just leave me alone, Suigetsu.” God, she was so tired.

 

“Tough shit. Now, talk to me.”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Just stop it.”

 

“Karin-”

 

“ _ He knew _ ! Okay?! He  _ fucking _ knew! Sasuke knew, Orochimaru knew, everybody knew but  _ me! _ ” Karin’s fingers knotted in her hair at the back of her head. “I don’t know what’s real and what’s not, anymore. He told me that we couldn’t let Orochimaru find out, but he knew all along. What else was a lie? Everything I did, everything he said, none of it makes sense anymore. And then that  _ goddamned _ picture! He’s in my head, and I can’t get rid of him. I was  _ so close _ to listening, to believing him, and I  _ hate _ myself for it!”

 

Suigetsu reached out and took her by the wrists, pulling her hands away from her hair. “Babe, what are you talking about? Breathe. Just breathe with me, okay?”

 

Karin shook her head, trying to pull away. “You don’t understand. I thought I was done. I thought it was okay, but it  _ isn’t _ . I want to go back. I want to be Tsubaki again. I don’t want to live like Karin. I’m broken and fucked up and can’t keep him out of my head. Tsubaki gets to be happy, gets to have a life, gets to be with you. I want  _ that _ . I can’t live like this.”

 

“Hey. You’re not thinking straight. Why’re you talking like you’re two different people? Babe, you’re not a different person because you use another name. You’re the same person who lived with me in the Land of Wind. I’m the same guy. It doesn’t work like that. I know you know that. You’re so damned determined to hate yourself that you’re taking all your good qualities and pretending that it isn’t you. You need to stop.”

 

“But-”

 

“No buts. Now, tell me what’s going on.” He put his hands on her cheeks and guided her face so that he could look at her.

 

“He’s in my head again,” she whispered, avoiding eye contact. “I dreamt about him last night, and I… I don’t know what happened. He almost got me. I wasn’t strong enough. All that from a damned picture. And then Orochimaru… He knew, Suigetsu. He knew the whole time. It was all a lie. He made me think it had to be a secret, but none of that mattered. I don’t know why he did it, but he did. Orochimaru told me he doesn’t care what I do, but that I can’t show you favoritism. He said that it is the same rule he had for Kabuto, when he was above me. That’s all. That’s the only thing he said to him. But for years, I was trying to be subtle, sneak around, doing whatever he said so I didn’t risk us being found out.”

 

Finally, she looked him in the eye. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

 

Suigetsu had to hold himself back from punching the wall. He was livid, but he couldn’t let it show. Not when she was suffering. He was convinced that showing her how this affected him would only make things worse. “We’re gonna stick to the plan. Get done here, then get the hell out. It’s gonna get better. I mean, look at us. We pretty much live on rock bottom.” He paused, hoping to get a laugh out of her. She wasn’t as amused as he’d hoped. “Look. I’m pretty sure you didn’t take your sleeping medicine last night. Right?”

 

“No, I forgot.” She hadn’t even thought about it.

 

“So it makes sense that you’d have a nightmare. Don’t let that get to you. And Orochimaru knew. Okay. He clearly didn’t do anything about it. Think about it; would not hiding have made it any better?”

 

“I guess not…”

 

“Come on, let’s get out of here. I fucking hate this lab.” He stood and offered her his hand, which she took. As she stood, he pulled her into a reassuring embrace. She let herself fall into it, and it brought her more relief than she could say. 

 

Suigetsu took her by the hand to lead her out of the lab, but he hesitated. “Babe? Did you go ape shit on the lab equipment or something?” He nudged a pile of broken glass with the toe of his shoe.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Considering the luck that her anger was taken out on inanimate objects, he didn’t push the issue. “Fair enough.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You suck so passionately  
> You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature  
> Finger-bangin' my heart  
> You call me up drunk  
> Does the fun ever start?  
> You're hideous and sexy!
> 
> She moves through moonbeams slowly  
> She knows just how to hold me  
> And when her edges soften  
> Her body is my coffin  
> I know she drains me slowly  
> She wears me down to bones in bed  
> Must be the sign on my head  
> That says, oh  
> Love me dead! Love me dead!  
> \- Ludo, "Love Me Dead"
> 
> PWP. Rough sex. Can be skipped if this isn't your cup of tea, although I'd still read the end note.

Her mood had changed drastically by the time she’d stepped through the door into her bedroom. The anger lingered, but the self-loathing had transformed into determination, just short of wrath. She didn’t care that she startled Suigetsu when she grabbed him by the shirt and forced him back against the newly-closed door. From the way he smirked down at her, he didn’t mind, either. Her lips crashed against his, hungry and impatient. He’d grown more bold after their first few trysts, and he wasted no time in allowing his hands to roam her body.

 

She pulled away from him, eyes flashing with something he couldn’t quite identify. Her hips pressed against his as she growled, “I want you to throw me down and fuck me ‘til I can’t remember my name.”

 

Well, this was an unusual development. With their dynamic, she naturally took the lead, and he was more than willing to let her. Maybe that’s why he let her beat and berate him back when they were with Taka. It wouldn’t surprise him if he had a bit of a masochistic streak, all things considered. But this? This was something entirely new. “If that’s what you want…”

 

“It is,” she snapped, annoyed with his hesitance. “Now grow a pair and get rough or get the fuck out.”

 

Her breath fled her lungs when he took her by the hips and turned their positions, slamming her against the stone wall hard enough that she saw stars for a brief second. The side of her neck that was bare was the first thing he went for, teasing the skin above the collar of her shirt. Just below the hinge of her jaw, his kunai-sharp teeth broke skin, and his tongue drug languidly over the superficial wound. The taste of iron clung to his lips, and he nearly purred. His fingers made quick work of the buttons of her shirt, and she cooperated when he tugged it off. It flew across the room. He had more important things to worry about.

 

She’d always insisted that the scars on her body weren’t something he needed to be cautious of, but he’d restrained himself all the same, worried that he might bring back old memories. When he grazed his teeth over the top of her left breast, sucking on the skin, he realized that she hadn’t been lying. Whatever trauma lay in those marks wasn’t affected by the way he was currently maring her body. He tried to keep his focus as he unwound the bandages she wore over her breasts, resisting the urge to rip them off. 

 

As though she could read his mind, she spat, “Just cut it off, already.”

 

She wasn’t kidding when she told him to get rough, then. With no tools within reaching distance, he bent over and used his teeth to start a tear in the fabric. His fingers pulled the seams apart as he lingered at her ribcage, discoloring the pristine skin that remained beneath the article. Her hips jerked, and he knew that she was getting impatient. Very well. He pulled back from her long enough to rid himself of his own shirt, which joined hers in a careless pile somewhere on the floor. She moved to close the gap, but he caught her by the shoulders. 

 

Red eyes were clouded with incomprehension until he pushed down, bringing her to her knees in a way that was sure to bruise. The look on his face was smug and lecherous, and she wanted nothing more than to smack it off of him. But he was giving her what she asked for. 

 

This was her way of reclaiming what was hers. This room, her body, every sensation that she loved but strayed from because it reminded her of  _ him _ . She was going to overwrite his presence if she died in the process. She forced herself through the unpleasant recollection hanging in the back of her mind as she tugged his pants down past his hips, not bothering to pull them any further than the middle of his thighs.

 

Her mouth wrapped around him, and his fist clenched against the wall he leaned forward against. His body trapped hers against the wall, and he was only vaguely conscious that thrusting his hips could force her head back against the stone. She asked for him to be rough, not to concuss her, after all. The thought fled him when she began to move, her head bobbing enticingly as he looked down at her. The groan that left his mouth was shameless. When he knotted his fist in her hair, she moaned around him, sending vibrations through him that made it difficult to keep control. He faltered, his hips thrusting forward while his grip on her hair held her in place. She made a small choking sound, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. 

 

She wrapped a hand around his base, stroking what she couldn’t take in the same pace she moved her mouth. She made a point of slowing agonizingly to drag her tongue across the vein on the underside of his cock, taking pleasure in the shudder he released at the sensation. Her cheeks hollowed, and she sucked. As she pulled back, fighting his hold on her hair, he left her with a lewd ‘pop.’ Several colorful words streamed from him at the loss of the sensation.

 

She cried out when he pulled on her hair, forcing her to look up at him. His violet eyes swam with frustration, lust, and determination when he growled, “Did I fucking say you could stop?”

 

A shiver ran down her spine, and she shook her head, never breaking eye contact. She yelped when he pulled harder. Taking this as her clue, she quickly resumed her previous movements, earning a looser grip. She didn’t know if he was playing along because she asked him to or if he was acting of his own volition, but she didn’t really care. If he was submissive to her enough to play this game for her sake, did it matter if he could behave like this naturally? He was clearly enjoying himself, so it was a moot point either way.

 

His other hand found its way into her hair, and she tried not to gag when he thrust forward, doing her best to relax. She hadn’t done this in quite some time, and Kabuto had never been quite so rough. He took what he wanted through manipulation, convincing her that she wanted to do whatever it was that she suggested. Suigetsu wasn’t skilled in eloquence; he was a fighter, and he took what he wanted. Rather than a game of wits, with him, sex was a battle.

 

One she’d never been quite so eager to lose.

 

With his hold on her hair, he attempted to guide her off her knees. “Get back up here,” he demanded, pulling himself back from her. She obliged, finding a hold on his hips and using it to lift herself up off the floor. He kissed her roughly, his tongue fighting hers for dominance as he made quick work of discarding his pants entirely. His hands found her thighs, and he lifted her so that she was wrapped around his waist. One hand held her as the other pulled off her boots, letting them fall where they may. She held on as he carried her across the room. He dropped her unceremoniously on top of the mattress, where he stripped her of her shorts.

 

The last barrier between them gone, he climbed up between her legs and forced her thighs open. Her back arched, and she gasped when he slipped his fingers inside of her. She didn’t get more than a couple of seconds, and when he removed his hand, the pad of his thumb swept over her clit in a way that made her whimper. Her stomach knotted in anticipation; he was skilled with his tongue, and he never seemed to mind that particular activity. 

 

Her disappointment must have been clear when he positioned himself over her, because he grinned like the devil and teased her breast, murmuring, “You didn’t think you’d get that lucky, did you?” He chuckled. “I thought you wanted it rough.”

 

Swallowing her pride, she breathlessly inquired, “What if I asked nicely?”

 

She didn’t expect the slap that struck her left cheek, and she looked up at him, wide-eyed, as her skin stung. His lips crashed into hers, and his teeth scraped her bottom lip. His fingers dug deeply into her hips as he ground himself against her, muttering darkly, “You don’t get a say.”

 

It was a risk, but he wanted to try something that hadn’t gone well the last time. Prepared for a negative reaction, he dared to grab her wrists and pin them above her head. Rather than a headbut, when she moved, it was to shift in his hold, rotating her arms to a more comfortable position. She looked up at him with impatience, and her lips parted to say something, but he cut her off with his own. Her back arched against his chest, and he used his free hand to hold her down as he slid inside of her. A whimper caught in the back of her throat, and he let out a shuddering breath as he fought against the overwhelming sensation.

 

His weight, distributed between the hand at her wrists and the one on her hip, left her little room to move her body to meet his. She resigned herself for the moment, letting him decide the pace and force. Much to her relief, he was just as impatient as she felt. Despite her best efforts not to be too loud, she cried out when he pulled almost all the way out and snapped his hips forward. The sound was irresistible, and he continued his assault for a few more thrusts, satisfied that each movement garnered the same result.

 

She saw the glint in his eyes, but she didn’t know what it meant. He pulled out of her and released her wrists. Before she could object, he’d flipped her onto her stomach. His hands pulled her hips up, and she complied by settling on her hands and knees. He wasted no time fitting back inside of her, his hands on her hips as he arched over her. She tried to move, but his hands held her still until several agonizing moments passed. 

 

Waiting was the hardest part. Karin swallowed and began, “Suigetsu, I-” 

 

He thrust against her with enough force to throw her off balance, if not for his hold on her hips. She muffled her cry into the mattress, her body shaking with a broken sob. He leaned forward, over her, to speak against her ear, as deep as he could get. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to do this?” he purred, shifting his hips by a fraction. Clearly, he was trying to drive her completely insane when his fingers slid down over the plane of her stomach, diving between her thighs to pinch and roll her clit. He could hear her moan even as she pressed her face against the sheets.

 

“Even on Taka, every time you’d lose your shit on me, I just wanted to grab you and fuck you like the bitch you are.”

 

Her head tilted enough that she could look back at him with one glaring eye. He silenced her with a well-timed thrust, much to his ego’s appreciation. Remembering the comment she’d made back in the Land of Iron, he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head up from the bed, reveling in the gasp she let loose. “You love it, don’t you?”

 

She tried to swallow, but her neck was taut in a way that made it difficult. Despite his hold, she managed to give a slight nod in lieu of a verbal response. She let out a strangled cry when he increased his pace. Her fingers curled into the sheets, hanging on as if her life depended on it. All of a sudden, he let her go, and her head fell forward at the sudden, unexpected release of tension. She moaned involuntarily at the release.

 

His thrusts became erratic, and he couldn’t hold on any longer. He grasped her hips almost painfully as he came inside her, saved from panic by the single, lucid thought that she used hormonal control. His forehead rested against her spine as he caught his breath, and he panted a genuine “Sorry” against her skin. After a few seconds, he was able to move again. “Don’t move,” he instructed as he pulled out of her. 

 

“What’re you-?” Karin’s question was answered when she realized he’d turned to lie on his back, his head on the mattress between her raised thighs. She let him guide her hips down, crying out when his tongue slipped between her lips. “God  _ dammit _ ,” she swore, loud enough that she could certainly have been heard in the hallway. 

 

From the way her legs were shaking, it wouldn’t take long for him to give her the release she was chasing. With a sly grin to himself, he grazed her clit with his pointed teeth, sucking on it with a brief pressure. At that point, all pretenses were off. Anyone in the hideout could have guessed what they were doing; it was a good thing that they already knew. He allowed her reactions to stroke his ego, as if each sound she made was a mark claiming her as his. She was his, and his alone. He could get drunk on the thought.

 

Repeating the motions seemed to do the trick, and her legs gave out from beneath her. Her weight settled on his face, and he fleetingly acknowledged that there were far worse ways to die. Mercifully, she rolled onto her side, freeing him to crawl up the bed to her side. He pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head. “That what you were lookin’ for?” he inquired, amused by it all.

 

Her breath warmed his chest as she sighed, “Hell yes.” She tilted her head back to look up at him, warning, “Don’t get used to it. I don’t want this going straight to your head.”

 

He laughed. “Way too late for that, babe. Way too damned late.”

 

“I’m not going to let you be in control all the time. You know that, right?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’ll take what I can get.” He grinned to himself.

 

“What’s that for?”

 

“Nothin’. Just seems like I’ve got you wrapped around my finger whether you’re on top or on bottom.”

 

Her open hand hit his pectoral. “Asshole.”

 

His lips met her forehead, and she could feel his smile. “I love you, you crazy bitch.”

 

“I love you too, freak.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like they both deserved a good moment, and Karin was able to get past a few of her old triggers by re-associating the sensations with Suigetsu rather than Kabuto. I hope you enjoyed <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You hover like a hummingbird  
> Haunt me in my sleep  
> You're sailing from another world  
> Sinking in my sea, oh  
> You're feeding on my energy  
> I'm letting go of it  
> He wants it
> 
> And I run from wolves  
> Breathing heavily  
> At my feet  
> And I run from wolves  
> Tearing into me  
> Without teeth
> 
> And you can follow  
> You can follow me  
> \- Of Monsters and Men, "Wolves Without Teeth"

There was no change in Mitsuki's condition, and Orochimaru was beginning to show signs of his stress. Dark circles appeared under his eyes, his hair wasn't tied back, and he had a dour look on his face most of the day. Everyone knew to give him a wide berth. Karin was too afraid to ask if he'd found someone to help the child. With how he was acting, the answer was probably no. Out of sympathy and a bit of concern, Karin took over Orochimaru’s tasks where the boy was concerned. He seemed grateful for the gesture, but he was so lackluster that she couldn't be sure. She'd never seen the scientist so feeble before; it was enough to rattle them all.

 

Karin absentmindedly pushed her glasses further up her nose as she walked. Her footsteps echoed down the corridor, and she was lost in thought. The last several days, all of her energy had been directed to Mitsuki. Suigetsu was feeling neglected, and he’d said as much, but she felt a sense of responsibility about the matter. She'd make it up to him soon enough. For now, all she could give him was her sleeping hours. 

 

“There's no sign of any deficiency. Karin has been trying her best, but even together, we can't solve it.”

 

Orochimaru was speaking to someone. Juugo probably inquired about his mental state or the child; he'd been worried about them both. Juugo was interesting that way. No one she knew had a bigger heart. Most would loathe Orochimaru for being imprisoned the way he was, yet he remained ever loyal.

 

She rounded the corner of the hallway and kept walking, her eyes scanning her notes as she walked. 

 

“The answer won't be in notes or vital signs. It's not that superficial.”

 

Damn him. She was so sick of hearing him in her mind every time she puzzled over Mitsuki. Her jaw clenched, biting back what she wanted to say in response to Kabuto’s phantom voice. He was far from helpful, and she wished he'd just shut up. She turned her page forcefully and kept reading, looking for any sort of clue that might be hidden away. Why couldn't she help Mitsuki? The poor child didn't deserve this.

 

“Karin,” Orochimaru called out to her, tearing her out of her thoughts. She closed the notebook and stood still, turning in the direction of his voice. “Don't you think you're being rather rude?”

 

By his side, a familiar figure was dressed in a traveling cloak, standard issue from Konoha. The hood was down, allowing her to get a good look at his face. She blinked, trying to dispel the illusion. The man was the spitting image of Kabuto, at least when he was twenty. His skin was lightly tanned, and his hair was drawn back at the base of his head. Beneath his glasses, his eyes smiled. Unbidden, the thought that she wanted to stay in her head passed her lips: “The hell?” Fleetingly, she wondered if she hadn't been spending a little too much time with Suigetsu if she was picking up his speech patterns. This was just too much. First her dreams, now this? 

 

The illusion looked shocked, but then, it laughed. “I forgot,” it admitted, and its hand formed a quick sign of release. In Kabuto’s place stood a pale man, his skin fractured and rugged. His golden eyes were slitted and accented with the same lilac as Orochimaru’s, and his long grey hair was gathered at the base of his neck. “It's so much easier to travel when one doesn't stand out.”

 

“How useful,” Orochimaru commented.

 

“It's been how long, four years now? I like your new look.” Kabuto - because there was no use denying that it was him - smiled at her. “The intensity suits you, Karin.”

 

Needles stabbed her down the spine as she tried to find her voice. This was truly the stuff of her nightmares. She kept her distance, at a loss for words or actions. In her moment if truth, she'd frozen. She felt like she was fourteen again, unable to do anything on behalf of herself. She was weak, and she was agonizing over that fact. Everything she’d worked for seemed to disappear. 

 

Verbal insults were the sign of a desperate mind. “Yours doesn’t,” she spat, catching both Kabuto and Orochimaru off guard. 

 

It was credit to Kabuto’s composure when he chuckled and admitted, “You’re not wrong.”

 

“I think I should be offended.” Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at his former apprentice.

 

“Of course not, my lord.” Kabuto’s voice was saccharine in the way he knew would placate the sannin. “You have your family’s bone structure and dark hair. It’s clear that the way  I look now is an after-effect of less-than-fortunate circumstances.”

 

Placated, Orochimaru looked to Karin. “Kabuto believes that he can perform the procedure you spoke of the other day. I’d like for you to walk him through the process, think this through as a team. I won’t have anything go wrong that could injure the child. You were heading to see him just now, were you not?”

 

Karin gripped her notebook tightly. “I was.”

 

“Wonderful. Kabuto, if you’d accompany Karin.”

 

“What about you, my lord?” Kabuto asked, confused.

 

Orochimaru freely admitted, “Seeing the child in this state is difficult for me, as his parent. Karin has kindly taken over for me in that regard. For the time being, I’d prefer not to visit him.”

 

Kabuto placed a kind hand on his master’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring look. “I understand. If you’d like, I can look over you later on this evening.”

 

“It would be appreciated.” He was loathe to admit it, but he was getting older, and Kabuto was the best doctor he could have asked for during their prior engagement. He was a loyal servant, even still, and one that could be trusted.

 

“Very well, then. After dinner.” Kabuto stepped back from Orochimaru and turned to Karin, who watched the scene unfold with barely disguised disdain. “Lead the way, my dear.”

 

The last thing she wanted to do was turn her back on him. She wanted to scream and hit and cry, to cause a scene. But, after all this time, his voice was still hypnotic. She found herself doing as she asked, and loathing began to boil in the pit of her stomach. Why was she doing this?! Why was she being so passive?! She was weak! Falling back into her old patterns, she should be ashamed of herself! 

 

Amusement lilted his voice when he spoke. “It seems you’ve come quite a ways, my little flame. You should be proud of yourself. Earning Lord Orochimaru’s respect and trust is no easy task. I’m impressed that he’s left you in charge of the care of his precious child.”

 

“Hm.” She rolled her left shoulder, trying to release some of the tension that remained.

 

He stared at her back, confused by her sudden change in demeanor towards him. Yes, it had been a few years, but that wasn’t enough of a reason for her to be quite so cold. He frowned to himself, his brow furrowing. Something wasn’t right. Before he could ask, she’d opened a door at the end of the hall, leading him inside.

 

Misuki’s motionless body lay on the examination table in the center of the room. Kabuto shrugged off his traveling cloak and approached the boy. He took several seconds to scan his body with chakra from his palms, looking down at him with quiet intensity. Finally, he withdrew his hands and crossed his arms, pushing his glasses up with his index finger. “Interesting.” He drummed his fingers against his bicep before turning back to Karin, who stood on the opposite side of the table. “And what is it you had in mind?”

 

Professionalism stayed its course when Karin opened her notebook, addressing the situation with clinical precision. “I have a theory that injecting chakra into the blockages will force them open, but it needs to be done with excessively fine control. I recommended Sakura for the procedure, but she’s still outside the nation. It’s nothing more than a theory; it might not work at all, and I’m not familiar enough with that level of chakra control to proceed much further without assistance.”

 

Kabuto hummed to himself. “I can see the merit in that.” He extended his hand, and she instinctively handed him her notebook. When she caught herself in the act, it was too late. He leafed through the pages, carefully considering what she had written. “It’s certainly worth a shot. It sounds like a relatively low-risk option. The procedure shouldn’t take more than a few hours. Could you have him ready tomorrow?”

 

“I can.”

 

“Excellent.” Kabuto grinned as he handed her back her notebook. “I’ll need your assistance, of course. Nothing out of the ordinary. You’ve done it all a thousand times by now, after all.”

 

Karin chose not to respond. Instead, she walked over to Orochimaru’s desk and placed her notebook in the top drawer, where it had been kept so that he could access it if he wished. She could feel him approaching her, and her body tensed to fight. Her skin burned when he slid a hand to her shoulder in what he thought was a gesture of comfort. 

 

“What’s wrong, my dear?” he inquired, brushing the pad of his thumb over the back of her neck, just below her hairline. “You seem upset.”

 

“Do I?!” she hissed. She tried to spin around, but he was far too close for her to do so. He’d left her no room between hi body and the desk. She swallowed her panic and demanded, “Back off.”

 

“What are you talking about?” He withdrew his hand and took a step back, giving her just enough room to turn and face him. Backpedaling, he began, “I’m sorry that I vanished after the war. I had to keep a low profile, and the Hokage placed me-”

 

“Shove it up your ass!”

 

His jaw dropped at the obscenity. “Karin!”

 

“What?  _ What?! _ Are you going to tell me I can’t swear, now? Did I make you mad?” She was fuming, all her rage pouring out as she stared him down. “Tough shit.”

 

“I think you need to sit down.” He reached out and wrapped a hand around her bicep, trying to guide her to a nearby chair. She tried to shake him off, but he was physically stronger than she was, even now. She didn’t have a choice but to sit down when he pressed on her shoulders to guide her. He kept his hold and leaned forward, studying her face as he bent to her level. “You need a sedative.”

 

“I don’t need a  _ goddamned sedative _ !” She thrashed from side to side, trying to free herself. 

 

Kabuto’s genuine concern transformed into panic. He’d never seen her act this way. She was clearly having an episode of some sort. “It’s okay. You’re going to be alright. I’m here. Just listen to my voice. Take a deep breath in, hold for four, then exhale.”

 

“Fuck you! Let me go!”

 

“You’re a danger to yourself and others. I can’t do that right now. My dear, I’m telling you, just breathe and listen to what I’m saying. It’ll pass, but you have to calm yourself down.”

 

This all had to be some sort of horrible, twisted dream. She lifted her legs and kicked out, forcing him back and onto the floor. Unfortunately, his grip on her shoulders took her with him. In the chaos, she scrambled to her feet and took off running. She blindly fled down the hall, looking for any sort of sanctuary. She had to get away, she had to wake up. If she could just wake up, it would be over.

 

She grappled with the doorknob to her bedroom, throwing it open and slamming it shut behind her. She secured the locks and sank down to the floor, her back against the wood. Her knees drew up to her chest, and she choked back a sob. She wouldn’t let him get to her this way. She couldn’t. All she could do was pray that she’d wake up before her nightmare became much worse.

 

* * *

 

“Dammit.” Kabuto sat up, rubbing the back of his head where it had collided with one of the metal legs of the table. It didn’t feel like he was bleeding, at least. Karin had disappeared, and he had a strong sense of dread at the realization. She could hurt herself, or worse, in this state. She didn’t want the sedative, but it was the only thing he could think of that would calm her down and end her episode. 

 

Just as he remembered, he found pre-measured syringes in a nearby container, prepped and ready in case Juugo activated his curse mark. It was good that some things hadn’t changed. He pocketed it and ran out of the lab, not bothering to close the door or turn off the light. There were more pressing matters to attend to.

 

Unfortunately, he’d lost her trail almost as soon as he stepped in the hallway. “Karin?” he called out cautiously. “I just want to help. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” Slowly, he made his way down the hall, senses on high alert. “You can come out now, my dear. I promise that it’s safe.”

 

No luck so far. He swore under his breath. Where would she run to? Out of a faint suspicion, he opened the door to his right. His old bedroom was bare and unused, most likely since his departure. It was undisturbed, and she clearly hadn’t taken refuge there. It was worth looking all the same.

 

“Can you tell me where you are?” he asked, doing his best to keep his voice soft and reassuring. “Let me help you, Karin. It’ll all be okay. I just need you to come out, now.”

 

The next room he checked was their old, shared lab, which was in a surprising state of disarray. “Karin?” he called, but only silence answered him. Mentally, he went through a list of places she’d consider refuge, ticking off each one as the possibility was eliminated.

 

When he tried the door to her bedroom, the locking mechanism caught, keeping him from entering. He raised his hand and rapped his knuckles against the wood. “Karin? Are you in there? You need to come out, my dear. I can’t help you if you don’t.”

 

On the other side of the door, Karin was fumbling backwards, trying to put distance between herself and his voice. In an act of desperation, she pinched the exposed skin of her thigh between her index finger and thumb, trying to jarr herself into the waking world.

 

Kabuto sighed, resting his open palm against the door. “Talk to me, love. It’ll be alright, I promise. But you can’t hide in there. I can help you. I just need you to come out.” Distracted, he didn't notice the rapid footfalls approaching him until it was too late.

 

“Bastard!” Suigetsu’s hands wrapped around Kabuto’s throat as he tackled him to the ground. His thumbs dug into his windpipe, and the scientist struggled for breath. A quick hand sign, and he was gone, using a substitution just to escape Suigetsu’s grasp.

 

Kabuto extended his arm, sending white snakes flying at Suigetsu. The Kiri nin exploded into water, avoiding the jutsu all too narrowly. He resolidified and spun to face Kabuto, shouting “I'll fucking kill you!”

 

“Stand down!” Kabuto ordered. 

 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” Suigetsu came at him with a storm of taijutsu, forcing Kabuto into a defensive stance. The older man had no qualms about beating him into submission, should it be necessary. He'd spent years studying Suigetsu, and he was intimately aware of his strengths and weaknesses. Kabuto managed to grab him and use his momentum to his advantage, throwing him down the hall. 

 

Back on his feet, Suigetsu raised his right arm, thumb and index finger extended. From this range, the blow could maim, but it wouldn't kill. No, he planned on taking his time with that. It had been too long since he’d had someone beneath his sword. Kabuto would die in agony, cut into ribbons. He would make sure of it. Suigetsu flicked his wrist, sending a powerful bullet of water flying at Kabuto, using his water release technique. The scientist was lucky enough to dodge; when the blow landed on the wall behind him, it chipped the stone it hit into several shards. Suigetsu swore at his aim and raised his other hand for a second attempt.

 

Kabuto rushed him, grabbing Suigetsu’s head with one hand and wrenching it to the side. He didn't feel the needle puncture his neck until it was withdrawn, and he collapsed to the floor. Kabuto was above him, panting and holding a scalpel against his jugular. If Suigetsu moved, he would cut his own throat on the blade. The sedative meant for Karin acted quickly, draining the life from Suigetsu until his body had gone limp. Kabuto pocketed the scalpel and sighed, standing up. He nudged Suigetsu’s leg with his foot, just to be sure. 

 

He would be asleep for the next few hours. Kabuto left him where he lay, stepping over his body as he began his search for Orochimaru. This was completely unacceptable. Had the man gone senile to let his subordinates wreak such havoc? Why Suigetsu was allowed to roam free was beyond his understanding. The murderous maniac should have been secured. This was far from the first time he'd come at Kabuto with the intent to kill; he took perverse pleasure in it, that much Kabuto knew without a doubt. Yes, he had words to exchange with Orochimaru about his leniency and lack of control. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And if you don't love me now  
> You will never love me again  
> I can still hear you saying  
> You would never break the chain.
> 
> Listen to the wind blow  
> Down comes the night  
> Run in the shadows  
> Damn your love  
> Damn your lies
> 
> Break the silence  
> Damn the dark  
> Damn the light  
> \- Fleetwood Mac, "The Chain"

“My lord, forgive me, but I cannot  _ believe _ you’ve let those heathens have run of the hideout. There is no reason I should be afraid for my own life here! I’m deeply insulted.” Kabuto placed his hands on the table that sat between him and Orochimaru, who was sitting on the other side, writing as he listened to the complaint. “What is he even doing outside of containment?”

 

“He proved himself useful during the war, and he’s an adequate lab assistant when he puts his mind to it,” Orochimaru mused. “Although, his bloodlust has been relatively controlled up until this point. He’s been trapped inside too long, surely. He can have a little outing with Juugo to satisfy the craving, and he should be back to normal soon enough. I’m sure that’s all it was.”

 

“You talk about it like it’s normal! My lord, I insist that you handle the situation personally. It’s highly concerning.” Kabuto hesitated before pulling out a chair, sitting down and lacing his fingers together, his elbows on the table. “Karin had a psychotic breakdown this afternoon. I’ve never seen her so distressed, and all because I put my hand on her shoulder. I’m worried that it might have something to do with Suigetsu’s behavior.”

 

“Hmm, I doubt it,” Orochimaru hummed, setting his brush across the tray of ink he’d been using to write. “Although this all may have been driven by pure jealousy. I did forget to announce that you would be coming. If I had to guess, I’d suppose that Suigetsu is feeling territorial. Perhaps Karin is afraid of his temper; she can hold her own against him, of course, but jealousy does strange things. Maybe the physical contact unleashed a sense of fear for her safety.”

 

“My lord, what are you talking about?”

 

“I thought you’d know by now.” He didn’t bother hiding his genuine surprise. “It seems that Karin has taken Suigetsu as a plaything. It’s nothing serious, I’m sure, but our Kiri friend can be highly territorial. You’ve surely seen him with that sword of his.”

 

Kabuto grimaced, just as Orochimaru had expected. “What is  _ going on _ with her? That she'd stoop that low… it's disgusting.”

 

Orochimaru shrugged with nonchalance. “You've been gone for quite a while now. Busy as you are with the orphanage, it's not surprising. But you didn't exactly reach out to her. After the war, you're both very different people. It's to be expected. I've lived through my third, and only now do I want to have Mitsuki.”

 

“My lord, I appreciate the thought, but I'm not sure that you're the best source for relationship advice.” Kabuto’s eyes glinted in amusement at Orochimaru’s mock offense. If he was honest, he had missed the rapport between him and his mentor after they parted ways. It was almost like old times again.

 

“I raised you, and I'm well aware of your limited experience. Don't think that because I don't label myself that I don't know what I'm talking about.”

 

Kabuto opened his mouth to ask for clarification, but he quickly closed it. Some things were best left unknown. Getting back to the topic at hand, he frowned. “I hope she comes to her senses. She'll be miserable if she isn't challenged, and we both know that his strengths are far outside the mental realm.” His fingers drummed against the wooden table. “What is she thinking?”

 

“We all make poor choices every now and again. I don't need to remind you of your indiscretions when you were twenty.” A dark eyebrow raised to punctuate the point.

 

“Just because I became involved with Karin at the same age she's become involved with that failed experiment doesn't create a parallel in our judgement. I would hardly call mine an indiscretion.” 

 

“The point being,” Orochimaru interrupted, “that she is an individual capable of making her own decisions. You can change her mind, but you can't force her to do anything. She's a lot like you were at her age. Give her some time to figure things out. She's taken over your old position, you know. She wants to operate independently like you used to. I think it will be good for her.”

 

“It's a shame that I'm tied up with the orphanage. I would have liked to accompany her. It's not very stimulating, being around children and ANBU. Before you contacted me, I had begun to wonder if I'd ever have another intellectual conversation.” 

 

Orochimaru chuckled. He knew that feeling too well. He glanced at the clock and mused, “Best get on with it, then. Do whatever poking and prodding you need to do.”

 

“Yes, my lord.” Kabuto stood up and rounded the table, bringing his medical kit with him. The first thing he did was check Orochimaru’s vitals, hoping to ensure that he was in good health.

 

After a moment of silence, the sannin asked, “Tomorrow, then?”

 

“As far as I know.” Kabuto watched the clock as he held his fingers against Orochimaru’s pulse. “After Karin’s episode, I can't be sure that she'll have done the necessary prep work. I had planned to check in on her when we were done.”

 

“See that you do.”

 

“Of course, my lord. Now, breathe in…”

 

* * *

 

Warm water ran down Karin’s body in rivulets as she sat on the floor of her shower, staring blankly at the tiles on the wall. She felt numb. The skin she’d pinched had already turned a hideous shade of purple, an unpleasant addition to the myriad of ‘love bites’ that Suigetsu had left her with. She sighed and leaned her head back, closing her eyes as the spray rained over her. It wasn’t clear how long she’d been like this, but her fingers and toes were wrinkled, a sign that it had been too long. Her hands lifted to her face and brushed her damp hair back, moving it out of her eyes. 

 

The door to her bathroom was open to her bedroom, where Suigetsu lay unconscious on the bed. Karin was able to recognize the sedative he’d been given and knew that he would metabolize the last of it within the hour. All the same, waiting was agony. From the moment she’d first left her room that morning, everything had gone straight to hell. Despite her best efforts to wake up, it was, unfortunately, not one of her vivid nightmares. 

 

She kept a tight rein on her sensory abilities, limiting the range of her focus as much as possible. Feeling him so close, meters away, had resulted in a bout of nausea that had her on her knees in front of the toilet just a few hours ago. It was difficult to remain focused, not to let her control slip, but it was necessary. All the progress she’d thought she’d made… it was gone. His presence, his touch, was enough to send her into a panic, to have her hugging her knees as she sat on the shower floor. It was humiliating. 

 

In only a few hours, he’d pulled her back. She felt like the teenager she used to be, eager to please and jumping at his every word. She was disgusted with herself. Some sick, perverse part of her psyche was overjoyed at his praise. She couldn’t still have feelings for him. She  _ couldn’t _ . It wasn’t possible. After all of this, she couldn’t live with herself if that was the case. But, then, why had his words affected her? Why did his concern pull at her heartstrings? Why did she have to fight herself to keep from opening the door?

 

“Fucking idiot,” she swore, gripping her scalp with her fingers as she curled in on herself. Who was she kidding? What was the point in pretending to be strong when she couldn’t even fool herself? 

 

She jumped when the water ran cold, and she scrambled to her knees, jerking the knob to close the pipe. So much for that. Hopefully no one else planned on showering that night. She peeled herself off of the floor and stood up, her legs a bit shaky as feeling came back to them, pricking her like thousands of senbon. Her towel was wrapped around her waist, covering the lower half of her body. She draped another over her shoulders to absorb the water from her hair. A few blind grabs, and she found her glasses, which were fogged over from the steam. She used the edge of her towel to clean them before putting them on, the world coming back into focus.

 

The first thing she did was check on Suigetsu. He was still asleep, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary, much to her relief. Kabuto could have easily killed him; the idiot had rushed into the fight unarmed. Karin didn't know why Kabuto hadn't done just that. Her best guess was that he was surprised. If that was the case, Suigetsu wouldn’t be so lucky next time. She sighed to herself and brushed a hand through his hair. “Dumbass.”

 

Her body froze when she heard a knock on her door in a familiar pattern.

 

“Karin?”

 

Her first instinct was to stay still and silent in the hope that Kabuto would leave. The doorknob rattled, betraying that it was locked, and, by extension, that she was inside.

 

“Karin? I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”

 

Finding her voice was nothing short of a miracle. “Not right now,” she informed him, impressed with how strong she was capable of sounding when she was rattled to her core.

 

A brief hesitation, and then, “Lord Orochimaru wants to be sure that you’ve done everything to prep Mitsuki for tomorrow morning.”

 

Karin blinked. “Right. I’ll get right on that.”

 

“And the procedure? At the usual hour?”

 

“Seven,” she recalled. “Yes.”

 

A cough sounded from the other side of the door. “I’m… concerned. I just want you to know that you can talk to me, and my door’s always open. I’m staying in my old bedroom for now… Come by later, if you want to talk.”

 

Karin clenched her jaw.

 

“Karin?”

 

“Right.” She listened intently as she heard his footsteps recede down the hall, and she expanded her sensory range just to be sure that he’d actually left. She sat down on the bed, bouncing the mattress from the force. She leaned over and put her elbows on her knees, resting her head in her hands.

 

He was torturing her. It had to be intentional. There was no way around it. She was constantly on the verge of a panic attack every time he came near her, and it was wearing her down. She didn’t feel strong enough to confront him, but she couldn’t keep letting him jerk her around the way he was. It was closer to hell than purgatory. 

 

* * *

 

Suigetsu crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, watching Karin as she bustled around the lab, setting out everything that could be needed in the morning. She’d filled him in on what happened during his unconsciousness, and he was loathe to let her do this on her own. He hadn’t asked if she’d wanted his company, but she hadn’t objected when he’d come along. Her body language was tense as she worked in silence. 

 

Karin pulled an instrument tray next to the examination table. She wasn’t sure what they would need; it was her hope that Kabuto could perform the procedure with chakra alone, but she knew to be prepared. Orochimaru cared deeply for the child, and losing him due to a clinical error simply wasn’t an option. 

 

“Hand me that package?” she asked, gesturing to the sealed pack on the desk, just within Suigetsu’s reach. He stood up and passed it to her. It was then arranged on the tray in a way that seemed like second nature to her. She reached up and adjusted the drip on the IV, flicking the tubing with her finger twice. 

 

“You think this is gonna work?” Suigetsu looked down at Mitsuki’s sleeping form, arms crossed over his borrowed white coat.

 

“I hope so. I can’t think of any other options.” The cap of her pen found its way between her lips, where she worried it with her teeth. “I don’t want to be the one to tell Lord Orochimaru that this is a lost cause…”

 

“Don’t think like that. Everything could go well.”

 

Karin eyed him with a frown. “You can’t even say that like you believe it.”

 

“I’m trying to be positive, here. I’m working with what I got.”

 

“Do me a favor: get the list off of the desk and get those items from the locked cabinet.” She tossed him her key, which he caught with ease.

 

“So you trust me around dangerous chemicals, now?” He grinned playfully.

 

“If you’re stupid enough to ingest them, that’s natural selection running its course. One woman can’t stand in the path of evolution.”

 

“Damn. Harsh.” He inserted the key into the lock and removed the padlock from the cabinet doors.

 

A knock against the doorframe drew their attention as Kabuto stepped into the lab. “All’s well, I presume?”

 

Karin looked back to Mitsuki as she answered, “Nearly.”

 

“Excellent.” He strode across the room to one of the wooden cabinets hanging from the wall. He rummaged through the shelves until he found the box he was looking for. “I’d like these out, just in case.” He extended it to Karin, who turned to him just long enough to take it. The kanji on the front of the box read ‘emergency use only.’

 

“Adrenaline?” She looked at him over her shoulder, looking for an explanation.

 

“Rule one, remember? Be prepared for anything. Lord Orochimaru would be devastated if anything goes wrong, and this isn’t exactly a common procedure.”

 

“Think you can’t do it?” Suigetsu griped from the far wall, his face turned to the metal cabinet.

 

Kabuto scowled. Insolent little shit. He chose to ignore the comment completely, deeming Suigetsu unworthy of a reply. He glanced at Karin, who was avoiding looking at either of them, her gaze steadfastly fixed on Mitsuki. It seemed that Lord Orochimaru was right. She seemed afraid. In an attempt at reassurance, he placed a hand on her shoulder, and she stiffened at his touch. Suigetsu must be insane for her to be so afraid of his jealousy; something would have to be done about him. “Do you need anything?” His question was meant to be layered, superficially with Mitsuki, and deeper concerning Suigetsu.

 

Her words seemed forced when she replied, “No, everything’s under control here.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“She said to get lost, asshole,” Suigetsu growled as he approached the examination table with the chemicals he’d been sent to find. His brashness came close to surprising Kabuto, but he’d seen much worse behavior from this particular specimen. 

 

With a smirk, Kabuto looked away from him and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Your time with Sasuke seems to have stripped you of your manners. Need I remind you, you have no authority here. If I have to sedate you again, you’ll be lucky not to find yourself back in your old container. Do we understand one another?”

 

Suigetsu scowled and pulled his arms to his chest, prepared to form a series of hand signs for his ninjutsu. He stopped only when Karin held a hand up to him. He looked at her in shock, unable to understand what she was doing. Her fist clenched the edge of the table when she spoke.

 

“Kabuto, please leave.”

 

“If you think I’m going to leave you with this murderous psychotic-”

 

“ _ Go _ .”

 

Kabuto hesitated, narrowing his eyes at Suigetsu. In a matter of seconds, he decided that Karin could most likely handle herself, and he was just down the hall should things go awry. He let his fingers brush her wrist as he walked past her, what he intended to be a silent gesture of solidarity. Without another word, he exited the lab and proceeded down the hallway, leaving them behind.

 

Karin let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, and it came out in a shudder. Suigetsu rushed to her side and pulled her into an embrace, crushing her body against his. Her fingers clawed into the back of his shirt, and she tried to match the pace of her breathing to his. Suigetsu began to rock her from side to side. “Just a few more days. Once we’re done here, that’s it. We don’t have to come back. We’ll be home in no time. Just think about it. A few more pay days, and we’ll be able to take that trip to the onsen you wanted.”

 

Muffled against his shoulder, she admitted, “I hate him.”

 

“I know, babe.” She’d expressly forbidden him from killing Kabuto, no matter how much he wanted to. She reasoned that it would only cause more trouble for them. In just a few days, she’d never have to see him again; it was what she was holding on to. “Just a couple more days.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But still you stumble, feet give way  
> Outside the world seems a violent place  
> But you had to have him, and so you did  
> Some things you let go in order to live  
> While all around you, the buildings sway  
> You sing it out loud, "who made us this way?"  
> I know you're bleeding, but you'll be okay  
> Hold on to your heart, you'll keep it safe  
> Hold on to your heart, don't give it away
> 
> You'll find a rooftop to sing from  
> Or find a hallway to dance  
> You don't need no edge to cling from  
> Your heart is there, it's in your hands  
> I know it seems like forever  
> I know it seems like an age  
> But one day this will be over  
> I swear it's not so far away  
> \- Florence and the Machine, "Various Storms and Saints"
> 
> This one's a little shorter than usual, but it really needed to be separate from the next chapter.

Not knowing if her theory would work was nerve wracking for Karin. The last thing she wanted was for Mitsuki to be injured in any way, but she didn’t have any other theories. It would break Orochimaru’s heart to have to start over, once again, where he was concerned. Mitsuki was the product of years of research, testing, and no small amount of passion on the part of the sannin. If she thought about it, Karin would easily conclude that what the child was put through was far from fair; doing so, however, would call attention to the injustices each of them suffered during their childhoods underneath Orochimaru.

 

Suigetsu, the least privileged of them all, was treated like a lab rat because of his bloodline and jutsu. Mangetsu had been a force to reckon with when he was alive, and Suigetsu could have followed in his older brother’s footsteps with ease; even Kisame Hoshigaki acknowledged his skill, and that was after being locked away for so many years. He could have been so much more, had Orochimaru never gotten his hands on him.

 

He, at least, had a future. Karin had been an orphan, valued for her body and the aid it could provide alone. If it weren’t for Orochimaru, it was very likely that she would have ended up like her mother: drained of all her chakra and disposed of as some sort of biomedical waste. He saved her from that life, but the one he brought her into was scarcely better. Her longing for affection and gentle treatment led her right into Kabuto’s grasp, rendering her easily manipulated by one of the first people to ever smile at her.

 

Even Kabuto suffered in his own way. It had been a rainy evening when he confessed how he came to be with Orochimaru. There was pain in his voice as he recounted his amnesia, his time at the orphanage, and Danzo’s threat that brought him into the Foundation. When he spoke of his final encounter with Nono, it was one of the few times she’d ever seen him cry. Orochimaru had told him the truth about Danzo’s scheme and took him in, giving him a new, fabricated past that allowed him to circumvent the roadblocks he would encounter as ex-ANBU. The story mattered little to him, he had confessed; having no idea who he truly was, it was just another tool. He’d never recovered his memory before being found by Nono. 

 

All that pain and suffering should have brought them into solidarity, but the distrust fostered among them kept them apart. It wasn’t hard to wonder if things would have been different without Sasuke. He had, after all, been the one to kill Orochimaru and form Taka, setting them all into motion. 

 

But, no. She wouldn’t think about that, now. Had Sasuke not interfered, she’d probably still be working in that isolated prison, blissfully unaware of her own suppression. She might never have escaped Orochimaru or Kabuto. Even as the two of them held power over her in this moment, they wouldn’t for much longer. When she was finished with Mitsuki, she could finally leave all of this behind. She’d tasted freedom, companionship, and healing. It wasn’t something that she was going to let slip through her fingers quite so easily.

 

She felt Kabuto’s chakra pulse downward into Mitsuki’s unconscious form, and she collected herself. Thoughts like these could wait until later. For now, she needed to focus on the child and the procedure.

 

Karin’s hands hovered over Mitsuki’s chest, glowing a faint green as she kept a close eye on the child’s chakra. She could feel Kabuto’s intermixing with Mitsuki’s as he drove his own into various points like a needle. It was a slow, arduous process, but, one by one, Mitsuki’s pathways began to open, bursting to make room for the foreign chakra flow. His body was responding well, regaining a steady flow after the initial input. 

 

“Suigetsu,” she spoke, and he approached the table at the sound of his name. “My hair.”

 

“On it.” He wrapped his hand around the hair gathered at the base of her neck, pulling it free from the tie. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to help her in such a way during a procedure. Moving one hand after the other, he pulled her hair back more tightly before tying it off again for her.

 

“Thanks.” Her gaze never left the child. She used her shoulder to push her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.

 

Kabuto frowned in concentration as his hand moved above Mitsuki’s body, scanning for the next blockage. Two hours in, and he’d only just unblocked the major sacral pathway, working his way up to the crown. He bit back a sigh of exhaustion as he continued to work. “Moving on,” he informed Karin, almost arbitrarily. 

 

“He’s doing well,” Karin responded, performing her part of the verbal volley that they’d maintained since the procedure began. She closed her eyes for better focus when Kabuto proceeded to the next blockage he found. She felt his chakra pierce the point. Deep breath in, deep breath out. There was no change in Mitsuki.

 

“Dammit,” Kabuto swore under his breath, steadily increasing the flow. The blockage began to strain. Just a bit more… “Done.” 

 

“No substantial change.” Karin looked at the boy’s face, relaxed in his unconscious state. This child was the fruit of years of research, both hers and Orochimaru’s. He was the sixth, and she didn’t particularly want to endure a seventh. Orochimaru would keep trying as long as it took, this she knew, but it had become a painful endeavor all around. It was easier to think of him as an experiment, a collection and manifestation of carefully researched data. Each one was genetically identical. It shouldn’t matter that the first five had failed. She didn’t put much thought into the concept of the soul, so there wasn’t an ethics-backed reason why she should feel the way she did. Simply put, she’d become attached.

 

“Wait,” Karin snapped. Kabuto froze in place, his eyes studying her expression. She let out a breathy laugh, a smile crossing her lips. “It’s working,” she announced. “His chakra is flowing freely on its own.” She hadn’t been sure that her theory would hold water, but there they were. 

 

“Yes!” Suigetsu exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air.

 

Even Kabuto grinned. “Let’s continue, then, shall we?”

 

* * *

 

Another two hours gone, and Karin stood in front of Orochimaru in his quarters. Karin would never broach the subject, but in that moment, he appeared to wear every single year of his true age. He seemed fatigued, worried. Of course he was, she thought; he’d been worried sick about Mitsuki for months, if not longer. His hair was unkempt, and his clothing made her wonder if he’d left his quarters at all that morning. The odds were good that he hadn’t. He would need to eat, but Kabuto was his personal physician, not her. Let him handle such petty arguments and scolding.

 

Golden eyes fixed on her, Orochimaru almost didn't seem to be breathing, waiting for her to speak. The man gestured with his hand and leaned back in his chair on the far side of the wooden table. She knew him well enough to recognize the signs of tension in his body. Although she wasn't particularly fond of the sannin, Kabuto had all but insisted that she be the one to bring him the good news. It had been her idea, after all, and she deserved the credit, as he said; Karin still wasn't sure what his ulterior motive was on that front, but there was sure to be one.

 

“My lord, everything went as planned. Mitsuki is stable, and his condition is rapidly improving. Medically, we are keeping him asleep until his body can catch up and fully self-regulate. There doesn't seem to be any side effects or negative trauma. For now, he appears to be in the clear,” Karin reported, reading from the notebook in her hands.

 

Orochimaru let out a sigh of relief, a sound she'd never heard from him. “Thank you.” Whether he was thanking her or a higher power, she didn't know. He let his hands drop down to the armrests, and his shoulders visibly relaxed.

 

“My lord,” Karin cautioned, “do remember that Mitsuki isn't out of the woods just yet…”

 

“My precious child will be just fine.” His voice held no doubt. “Aside from myself, you and Kabuto are the brightest minds I could have consulted on the matter. I trust you both implicitly.”

 

“I'm honored, my lord.” She gave a slight, customary bow.

 

“You shouldn’t be. You’ve worked hard for everything you’ve achieved. Neither of you have received special treatment from me; I respect you as intellectuals because that’s what you are. I don’t play favorites.”

 

She begged to differ, but she wasn’t about to contradict him at the moment. “My lord, if I may, I would like to request my leave as soon as possible. Would tomorrow be too soon?”

 

Orochimaru appeared startled at the sudden request. “I realize that you’re eager to get back to that little village, and I dare say that I understand. It would be beneficial if you’d consent to stay a few more days, just to make sure that Mitsuki continues to be stable. I hope that it isn’t too much to ask. I would be willing to increase your compensation, of course.”

 

While it was worded as a request, she knew she didn’t have a choice in the matter. “Very well.” She turned to leave, but she was stopped when Orochimaru spoke her name. 

 

“Karin, sit down for a moment, would you?”

 

She turned back to him and looked for any sign of what was going on. He was unreadable. More out of habit than out of respect, she walked back to the table and took the seat opposite his. “Am I in trouble?” she asked, almost snarkily. She received the faintest hint of an amused grin in return. In brief moments like these, she knew that the sannin was fond of her. She could never guess why; she had, by most standards, an unbearable personality. Then again, it was likely that his would be gauged the same way along that metric.

 

The smile faded when he began to speak, taking on a much more serious tone. Karin crossed her legs at the knees in a subconsciously defensive posture. “You know I don’t normally pry into the business of others, but Kabuto came to me with some… concerns regarding your liaison with our friend Suigetsu.” Karin was visibly taken aback, but Orochimaru held one hand in the air, silently asking that she let him continue with what he was saying. “I know that you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself, my dear, but please, don’t hesitate to come to one of us should he threaten or attack you.”

 

Karin fought to keep her jaw from dropping. “Excuse me?”

 

“Kabuto became concerned when Suigetsu attacked-”

 

“No, not that,” she snapped, trying to get some silence so that she could think straight. She recovered quickly. “My apologies, my lord. I didn’t mean to be rude. But… may I be frank?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“What the  _ fuck?! _ ” She didn’t shout at anyone in particular, apparently beseeching the cosmos at large for an answer to her question. “That narcissistic, self-serving, domineering  _ prick! _ ”

 

Orochimaru looked at her with wide eyes, leaning back ever so slightly in his chair. He had intended to ask for clarification, but Karin wasn’t ready to let him speak just yet. In fact, it seemed as though she’d forgotten that he was in the room altogether. He’d seen her like this only a handful of times before. She’d run herself out in a few moments, when she didn’t have anything left to say. He did have to admit that this was an unexpected, and potentially entertaining, turn of events.

 

“ _ He’s  _ worried?! About  _ Suigetsu _ ?! Goddammit! What gives him the  _ right?! _ ”

 

“Now, Karin, I understand that he was gone without a trace for several years, but he clearly still-”

 

“With all due respect, my lord, you have  _ no idea _ what you’re talking about.” She stood up so quickly that her chair fell back against the floor. “If you’ll excuse me.” The door slammed with enough force to shake the frames on the wall.

  
Now  _ this _ was interesting. Orochimaru made a mental note to keep the trio from killing one another. However, he wouldn’t intervene unless it became truly necessary. Strong-willed individuals such as they needed to work things out on their own. Absentmindedly, his thoughts drifted to Jiraiya, and he chuckled. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know who I am when I'm alone  
> I'm something else when I see you  
> You don't understand, you should never know  
> How easy you are to need
> 
> Don't let me in with with no intention to keep me  
> Jesus Christ! Don't be kind to me  
> Honey don't feed me - I will come back  
> \- Hozier, "It Will Come Back"

Suigetsu removed his borrowed lab coat, returning it to its rightful place on the rack. Even from a distance, he could tell that Mitsuki was breathing more easily, and color had already started to rise into his cheeks. He couldn't help but feel satisfied, although he wondered what the poor boy’s fate would be with Orochimaru as his sole parent. Suigetsu reminded himself that that was not his problem. In the Blood Mist Village, one had to be ruthless to survive. The only people who cared for him, once upon a time, were Mangetsu and, before going rogue, Kisame Hoshigaki. Both left him alone at a young age. The world was cruel and ruthless; the sooner one learned that lesson, the better.

 

He was a cynical bastard, and it had saved his life on more than one occasion. Even with Taka, it was easiest to keep his comrades at a distance; you never know when you'd have to kill someone. Juugo had been a companion, but not one he'd give his life for. Sasuke was a means to an end. Karin, however… he didn't know  _ why _ he'd jumped into the fray to save her when she rushed to Sasuke on the battlefield. His body had moved without conscious thought. In the years since... 

 

He shook himself from that train of thought. He refused to become sentimental as long as they remained within the territory of the Hidden Sound. Unconsciously, he had moved to stand beside Mitsuki, realizing where he was only when he had arrived. He allowed himself a slight grin and ruffled the child’s white hair with his hand. “Ya did good, kid.”

 

“Indeed. I don't doubt that Lord Orochimaru will be pleased.”

 

Suigetsu clenched his jaw as he turned his gaze to the door. Kabuto leaned nonchalantly against the frame, his eyes unreadable behind the glint of his glasses. “Can I help you?” he all but snarled.

 

“You certainly can.” Kabuto stood up straight and approached him while maintaining a safe distance. His arms crossed over his chest, but the smirk on his lips belied his confidence in the situation. “I must admit. I'm less than pleased to hear about Karin’s,” he looked Suigetsu up and down with a sneer of disgust, “indiscretion. That isn't to say that she's not free to make whatever poor choices she chooses. However, I find it disturbing that you've grown so bold as to have forgotten your place.”

 

“The fuck does that mean?” Suigetsu took a bold step in his direction, a nonverbal challenge.

 

“To put it simply, for your sake, you've forgotten which one of you was the specimen and which the researcher.” He used two fingers to push his glasses further up his nose. “If Karin chooses to use you as her plaything, well, she's well within her right, and I'm not one to judge. But it seems to me that you've concluded that you're of an equal footing. To be so bold as to attack  _ me _ , well, I wouldn't be surprised if you've finally gone mad.”

 

“Listen here, you-”

 

“I'm not finished,” Kabuto snapped authoritatively, forcing Suigetsu to end his sentence. “Lord Orochimaru has given you far too much freedom. Your leash needs to be tightened, and I will not hesitate to do so. Keep your head down and do as you're told, especially when it comes to Karin. Your continued existence is a privilege.”

 

“A privilege? Listen up, asshole, I don't belong to  _ any-fucking-body _ , and the only goddamned reason I’m here is to make sure Karin can get back out, and away from you, you manipulative, sadistic bastard!” Suigetsu had closed the distance between them, of an eye-level with his former captor. “If I had it my way, I'd cut you into bite-sized pieces and throw you in the ocean, and I'd  _ enjoy it _ . After what you did to her, I'd keep you alive as long as possible, just to watch you  _ suffer _ .”

 

Kabuto blinked. “I know you didn't threaten me. Even you can't possibly be so stupid.”

 

“Try me.”

 

His amusement that Suigetsu had fallen into his verbal trap was dampened by the bloodlust in his eyes. “Lashing out physically because you can't debate me. How barbaric. If anyone's a sadist, it would be the one carrying the title Second Coming of the Demon. I don't feel as though you're in a place to pass judgement on anyone, hm?” He gave a poisonous, tight-lipped smile. “I do wonder about Karin’s judgement. If this were anything more than a merely casual arrangement, I'd worry about her sanity. You must realize that you're far below her in every aspect. You're simply not worthy of her attention.”

 

“What, and  _ you  _ were?”

 

“But of course. There's something to be said for those who can hold an intellectual conversation. A quick wit, that one. Always eager to learn and please. I assure you, unlike yourself, she found me highly stimulating, in far more ways than mental capacity.”

 

Suigetsu could hear his blood roaring in his ears. He wanted nothing more than to lash out and attack Kabuto, but that hadn’t gone well for him last time. If he had his sword, things would be different, but there had been no need to bring it with him to Mitsuki’s procedure. As it was, it leaned against the wall beside the door of Karin’s bedroom. Kabuto stood between him and the door. If he was going to do this, he had to get several steps ahead of the scientist. 

 

“Sure,” Suigetsu sneered, tilting his head slightly to the left. “Because it makes perfect sense for a man in his twenties to prey on a girl barely in her teens. Is that why you abandoned her at sixteen? She aged out of your perverse little fantasy, didn’t she? You’re disgusting.”

 

“Watch your mouth,” Kabuto snapped, glowering at him.

 

“Why? You afraid people’ll find out you have a hard-on for little teenage girls?” Suigetsu bared his teeth in a dangerous grin, finally having found a way to corner his opponent. “Maybe someone should tell Lord Hokage. He’ll probably realize that you belong in a cell rather than that orphanage.”

 

“How  _ dare _ you insinuate-”

 

“What?” Suigetsu cut him off. “That you groomed Karin for years to be your little pet? That you have the balls to come back here and act like you own her? Let me tell you something, you bastard. I’m not  _ insinuating  _ anything. I’m telling the fucking truth, and you don’t like it.”

 

Kabuto, now on the defensive, began to push back. “I did no such thing! She sought my approval as her mentor outside of any relationship we may have had. I forced her to do  _ nothing _ .  _ She _ came to  _ me _ .”

 

“Right. Because twenty-one-year-olds get down and dirty with fifteen-year-olds all the time. Newsflash, mother fucker. You let it happen. You  _ knew _ damn well what was going on and what you were doing. So don’t even try to play the pious innocent.  _ You _ fucked her up.  _ You _ . Not me, not anybody else, but your head’s so far up your own ass that you don’t see it! You come in here, act like nothing’s wrong. You touch her and try to pull her back in. The only reason I haven’t skinned you alive is her, and that’s because she doesn’t want to risk having to stay here.”

 

“Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night? Because you can’t handle the thought that she might just be using you for her own satisfaction? I assure you, an intellectual such as herself could never deign to have feelings for a failed lab rat. Have you read the notes she took on you, when she was tasked as your observer? They’re quite the interesting read. Maybe then you’ll understand just how you raise her ire and disgust her. Shall I get them for you?”

 

Suigetsu didn’t move consciously. It was as if he’d blinked, and his fist had made contact with Kabuto’s nose of its own accord. The scientist staggered back, doubled over and clutching his face, as blood seeped from between his fingers. Suigetsu shook his bloodied hand, and his hunger took him over. 

 

* * *

 

The walls and ceiling shook at a sudden explosion of force, and Orochimaru’s brush jerked haphazardly across the scroll before him. He would have been annoyed if he wasn’t concerned with the cause of the disturbance. Both hands on the table, he pushed himself up out of his chair and hurried to the door. When he opened it, Karin rushed past him, a blur of red and white; he pursued her closely, following her to the scene.

 

To his horror, he was left staring at a large hole in one of the exterior walls. Stone had been blasted straight through, and sunlight streamed into the building. He didn’t have time to despair over the decor. Sounds of battle rang out, mere meters away from where he stood. Dammit, he should have anticipated something like this.

 

The sannin hurried up the slight incline that deposited him into the surrounding, sparse forest. It was impossible to miss the mass of chakra centered in one of the clearings, both signatures raging outward and without control. Karin looked nauseous, so he pushed past her and left her behind. He couldn’t let the two of them get reckless; they were far from the only ones living in the Hidden Sound, and they could easily injure someone or cause massive damage.

 

Suigetsu careened down out of the sky, his blade rushing with the flow of his boy as he swung, splitting and splintering the earth it came into contact with from sheer force alone. A swift tug ripped it up, bringing dirt and grass up with the movement as he settled the blade back on his shoulder. Violet eyes darted around the clearing in search of his missed target.

 

He turned just in time to dodge several white snakes, which had been shot forward at him with incredible speed. A blow from his sword, and the severed heads littered the ground at his feet. He was getting too cocky, and he shouted “That all you got?”

 

His goading had the sprurising effect of driving Kabuto out of hiding. The scientist was trying to use his speed to his advantage, hoping to get close enough to the swordsman to drive a chakra-bladed hand through his chest. Suigetsu grinned and swung wildly, but Kabuto was quicker, jumping up and using the blade to get an extra boost as he flipped behind him.

 

Suigetsu turned on his heel, bringing Kabuto’s blow to his shoulder rather than his spine. It burned, but it didn’t sever his spinal column, as he knew the other man had intended. In that moment, both were fighting with the intent to kill. 

 

Orochimaru knew that he should interfere, but he was too intrigued by the battle raging before him to step in quite yet. Oh, he would put an end to it before anyone died, but he was impressed with the improvement that both men showed. 

 

The sannin was caught off guard by a sudden rush of wind coming from behind his right side. No sooner had he noticed the disturbance in the air did he see large, spiked chains flying past him at impeccable speed. The force of contact drove Kabuto and Suigetsu apart, and the golden chains wrapped around their bodies before anchoring their points into the earth, leaving both men incapable of moving and suspended mid-air.

 

Suigetsu’s sword lay on the ground at his feet, and Kabuto’s chakra blade had disappeared. Neither of them could manifest any of their chakra, and, as they struggled, the chains only tightened. Orochimaru tapped a finger against his cheek in thought before turning his head to look behind him.

 

Karin stood, hand extended and feet braced against the earth, with the ends of these chains rooted into her back. Her lips were contorted into a scowl, both of displeasure and discomfort, if he was judging correctly. Orochimaru allowed himself a smile. Her skill with her clan’s Adamantine Sealing Chain technique had improved significantly. Restraining both Suigetsu and Kabuto was no small feat, and sealing their chakra entirely was even more impressive. 

 

With a flick of her wrist, the chains drug both men to opposite sides of the clearing, putting several meters between them. Her breathing was becoming ragged from the amount of chakra required for this jutsu, and so she withdrew the chains with haste. Both Suigetsu and Kabuto fell to the earth with force, knocking the wind out of them both. Neither had enough time to replenish their chakra before making contact. 

 

In her displeasure, Karin turned her back on the clearing and stalked back into the hideout, intending to check on Mitsuki. If either of them had hurt the child in their recklessness, there would be hell to pay.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Cause I've been on the run so long they can't find me  
> You waking up to remember I'm pretty  
> And when the chemicals leave my body  
> Yeah, they're gonna find me in a hotel lobby 'cause
> 
> Mmm tough, times they keep coming  
> All night laughing and fucking  
> Some days like I'm barely breathing  
> And after we were high in the love, doped out
> 
> It was you  
> The pill I keep taking  
> The nightmare I'm waking  
> There's nothing, no nothing, nothing but you  
> My perfect rock bottom  
> My beautiful trauma  
> My love, my love, my drug, oh  
> \- P!nk, "Beautiful Trauma"
> 
> It seems that the characters are as sorry as I am for all the angst, because this chapter wasn't supposed to be fluff. They decided that they (and you) need a short break. I hope you enjoy this deviation!

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Karin smacked Suigetsu on the back of the head with her left hand. It wasn’t the smartest move on her part; the force knocked his head forward and caused him to dig his teeth more deeply into the skin of her forearm. She hissed, and he jerked his head back, arching an eyebrow as a question. “I didn’t think it through, okay?! I’m still mad at you!”

 

Suigetsu sighed, shaking his head. She’d given him enough of her chakra to heal his shoulder, which had been cut deeply into the muscle. Without her, it would have taken weeks to heal and rehabilitate. This was the first time he didn’t object to her offer, and he did so only because they were leaving in just a few days. A gimp arm wouldn’t exactly be helpful in that situation. He needed to be at his peak for the journey back to the Land of Wind. Now, at least, they were operating above the radar and wouldn’t have to hide quite as much.

 

“You’re bleeding,” he noted, trying to divert the conversation. 

 

“I know,” she snapped, digging in her med kit for the roll of bandages. Before she could wrap her arm, her train of thought got the best of her again, and she threw the roll back down on the bed. “He could have killed you! You're an idiot! He's gone head-to-head with the sannin!” Karin clenched her fists, ignoring her arm in favor of lecturing Suigetsu. 

 

“You weren’t there!” Suigetsu growled. “Karin, he has  _ no idea _ . That mother fucker doesn’t have a damned clue! He doesn’t think he did  _ anything _ wrong! What was I supposed to do?!”

 

“Not risk your life!”

 

“And what? Risk him making a pass at you? Coercing you? You can’t lie to me, Karin. You’ve had nightmares about him ever since he got here. I know, because he gives you goddamned  _ night terrors _ !”

 

“I can live with that! What would I do if you died, hm? Did you even think of that?!”

 

Suigetsu faltered, his shoulders drooping from their raised, defensive position. “I-”

 

Karin’s hands shot out, fisting in the front of his black shirt. She pulled him closer, taking away the option of walking or looking away from her. A wave of guilt hit him when he saw the pain in her eyes, hiding underneath the fury. “You’re a fucking selfish, impulsive idiot!”

 

“I’m sorry!” The apology was rushed, but it was genuine. He hesitated before unfurling her fingers, his brow furrowed. “I wasn’t thinking about that. He made me so angry… I don’t even remember punching him. You know that, once I get started, I can’t stop. All I could think about was making him suffer.”

 

Karin removed her glasses and rubbed her temples. “Sui… you know you can’t do that.”

 

“Yeah, and I haven’t. I tried not to, but… ugh, it pisses me off just thinking about it!” He clenched his fist and hit it on his thigh. “I broke. I lost control. I admit it. All I can do is say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I upset you, but I'm  _ not  _ sorry for breaking his nose. God, that was so  _ satisfying _ !”

 

He expected a lecture, but he got the barest hint of a chuckle instead. “I wish I'd been there.”

 

“I'm glad you weren't. You might have stopped me.” He reached out and laid a hand on her forearm, drawing it back when he felt moisture there. He picked up the bandage roll and began to wrap the wound he’d inadvertently caused. “Sorry about this.”

 

“No, it was my fault.” Karin flexed her forearm when he was finished, checking that the wrap would stay taut despite movement. “Let me look at your shoulder.”

 

“‘S fine. Don't worry about it.” Despite his words, her hands grabbed the hem of his shirt and began to pull it over his head. “Dammit, woman! Fine! I can take off my own damned shirt!” He fought the fabric back down, freeing himself from the restraint she'd inadvertently caused. Complying, he restarted the process, pulling it over his head and tossing it to the side.

 

Karin’s fingers brushed the still-angry skin. It had knit back together, but the wound remained aggravated. “You didn't take enough of my chakra.”

 

“I told you it's fine.”

 

Karin grabbed him by the elbow and jerked his arm up, causing him to yelp in pain. “Really?”

 

“Dammit, crazy bitch!” Suigetsu pulled himself away. “Ok, I didn’t. So what?”

 

“You can’t fight like this. You won’t be any good when we travel, either. I’m not taking months out of the schedule for you to heal naturally.” Karin offered him her uninjured arm. 

 

“Babe, no.” Suigetsu shook his head. “You’re exhausted. You’ve been going non-stop for twelve hours,  _ and _ you used your chakra on Mitsuki and in your jutsu. You’re gonna pass out if I do. Just leave it.”

 

“No.”

 

“Karin.”

 

“Suigetsu.”

 

He groaned, throwing his head back as though he was pleading with the heavens. “Oh, my  _ God _ , woman.” He rolled his eyes before looking back down at her. “There’s no risk with waiting a while to heal the rest of my shoulder, right?”

 

“I suppose not…” She glanced over his wound once more.

 

“Then it can wait until tomorrow. Okay? You get your chakra back up, I get my shoulder healed. Win-win. Happy?”

 

Jaw clenched, she relented. “I guess.”

 

“Fuck, I’ll take it.” He turned around on the bed and fell forward, taking Karin down with him. They wrestled for dominance for a few moments, as always, and Karin came out on top this time. She sat on his chest and leaned down, flicking him between the eyes with her index finger.

 

“Quit being stupid.”

 

“Ah, come on. You love it. I wouldn’t be half as fun if I was some stuffy academic.” Another flick. “Ah! Dammit, woman!”

 

“I’d  _ like _ it if you’d take a step back every once in a while and think things through.” Her tone was sharp, but the look on her face was laced with regret.

 

Suigetsu lifted his arms and placed his hands on her hips, tracing patterns on her skin at her lower back. “I’ll try from now on,” he relented. “You’re about ninety percent of my impulse control, as it is. I’ll work on getting it down to about seventy-five.”

 

“Ninety percent?” She raised a singular eyebrow. “And you call this impulse  _ control _ ? My God, how have you survived this long?”

 

“Luck, mostly, and killing anything that would kill me before it had the chance.”

 

“What the hell am I going to do with you?”

 

His lips parted in a lecherous grin. “I can think of a few things.”

 

Karin narrowed her eyes, and the light from the window glinted off her lenses as she straightened up a bit. “After today? You can’t be serious.”

 

His grin faded. “But I’m lucky?”

 

“Not a chance in hell.”

 

He looked deeply pained by her words. The right words, the ones that might get him out of the dog house, just weren’t coming to him. Dammit, why couldn’t he have a better vocabulary? To his benefit, Karin took his extended silence as an admission of defeat. She climbed off the bed and stood, popping her back as she did so. “I’m getting a shower. I reek of latex and lab. It’s disgusting.”

 

Suigetsu sat up on the bed, his eyes following her every movement. Wow, she really  _ was _ pissed. She’d yelled at him hundreds of times before, but this post-argument tension was killing him. His jokes had all been shut down. Okay, maybe they hadn’t been jokes, exactly; he had actually hoped that she’d forgiven him enough for certain extracurricular activities. Apparently, she hadn’t. He watched her pull out a set of sleep clothes and set them on the sink, returning to the bedroom for a few more necessities.

 

A sharp glance told him that she was aware of what he was doing. Boldly, he stayed his course, daring to give her a smirk. “What?”

 

“Idiot,” she grumbled, turning her back on him and walking into the bathroom. The door clicked shut. 

 

He sighed and fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The pipes began to hum when the water was turned on.  _ Way to fuck up, Suigetsu, _ he scolded himself, throwing a forearm over his eyes. He’d been trying his best through the whole situation; it had only started because he was defending her. He couldn’t stand to hear anyone talk about her in such a way. 

 

Karin’s voice was muffled by the closed door, but he clearly heard her call, “Sui? You coming or not?”

 

Suigetsu jumped to his feet and rushed across the room, as if he were afraid that she’d change her mind before he could get there. 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cause we didn't know back then  
> No one's an island  
> Here we stand, hand in hand  
> Rising up again
> 
> But you've got the fight in your eyes  
> And now we're shining under red hot lights  
> The truth burns as bright as the sun  
> We're gonna come back and show everyone  
> \- Moon Taxi, "Red Hot Lights"

“Easy,” Karin coaxed as she placed a hand on Mitsuki’s back, helping him sit further up so that she could tuck an additional pillow behind him. She lowered him back down into a half-reclining position before asking “Is that better?”

 

“Much, thank you.” The child gave her a charming smile, and his eyes closed when he did so. His attention was brief, and he looked back to Orochimaru, who sat beside the bed he’d awoken in. “So I’ve been asleep, and that’s why I don’t remember anything?”

 

“That’s right.” Orochimaru handed the child a cup of tea, which he drank greedily. “You, my precious child, gave us all quite a scare. It’s thanks to your aunt and uncle that you’re here with us, now.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Your Aunt Karin and Uncle Kabuto, of course. The woman right there is your Aunt Karin.”

 

Mitsuki’s golden eyes locked on to her, and Karin tried her best to maintain a natural appearance for the child’s sake, even if the title made her skin crawl. She would be having a frank discussion with Orochimaru later. All the same, she gave a tight-lipped smile, biting back the words she wanted to say. The child had only just regained consciousness, after all.

 

“And who are you?”

 

Orochimaru placed his hand overtop of Mitsuki’s. “Why, I’m your parent, of course.”

 

“Parent? Are you my mother or my father?”

 

“That’s not important, my precious child. Suffice it to say that I am the reason you exist.”

 

Mitsuki didn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but he didn’t press the matter. “How is she my aunt?” He nodded at Karin, who wondered what Orochimaru would say.

 

“She isn't, biologically. But, children often use ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’ to refer to those friends of the family who act in some parental respect.”

 

“Ah.” He nodded his understanding. “That makes sense. And my uncle?”

 

“Also unrelated. You have two more, aside from Kabuto: your Uncle Juugo and your Uncle Suigetsu, but you can meet them once you’ve had time to rest.”

 

“Why not now?”

 

“Because,” Karin answered as she wrote down Mitsuki’s current heart rate, “they are all large, loud, and annoying, none of which are conducive to healing. If any of them were to interfere with your wellbeing, I would have to kill them myself, and I don’t feel like cleaning up.”

 

Orochimaru arched an eyebrow at her, unable to tell if she was joking. Mitsuki took her words at face-value, and he frowned at the apparent gravity of the situation. “I understand.”

 

Karin let out an amused chuckle, holding it inside her chest. “Now listen. You’ve just had a medical procedure, and I don’t want you falling asleep yet. We will all be taking turns keeping an eye on you and keeping you awake. As soon as I can make sure that everything’s the way it should be, you can go to sleep. Alright?”

 

“I just have to sit here?”

 

“Unfortunately. Although, I’m sure there’s something around here that could keep you entertained.” Karin set the clipboard down on the counter. “Can he read?” she asked, the question directed at Orochimaru.

 

“No, but he can be read to. One moment.” The sannin stood and left the room, shuffling down the hall. Not a moment later, he returned, handing a battered paperback to Karin. “You don’t mind the first shift, do you? You’re already here, and who knows how long it will take to gather the others.”

 

“Of course, my lord.” Karin took the novel from his hands. She sat down in the chair Orochimaru had vacated and opened the book to the first page. With a cough, she cleared her throat and began to read.

 

“ _ The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi _ . Prologue. The mission was supposed to be nothing more than a quick patrol along the border between Shuku and Hyakki, but luck was never kind to Naruto Musasabi.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

“‘Surely you remember Nikaku Onikoma. He’ll be accompanying you in your search for Renge.’” Karin read in a deep base. She switched into an Alto, which she had been using to voice Naruto, before continuing.

 

“‘No way! Nikaku died in the First Ninja World War. Kokage-sama, there has to be a mistake.’

 

‘I truly am Nikaku, and I assure you that I am very much alive.’

 

‘Nikaku, Naruto, your duty is to bring Renge back to Shuku. Alive.’

 

‘Yes, Kokage-sama,’ both men choroused.

 

‘To keep up the illusion of my death, Naruto, I will be traveling alongside you in the shape of a donkey.’

 

‘But Nikaku, doesn’t seem like something an ass would do?’”

 

Karin’s storytelling was interrupted by a snort of laughter from behind. Mitsuki looked over at the same time Karin turned around. Suigetsu was doubled-over in the doorway, almost crying. Unable to catch his breath, he wheezed, “The hell?”

 

“Lord Orochimaru gave me this book to read to Mitsuki to help pass the time,” Karin informed him, mildly defensive. “Question his taste in literature, not mine.”

 

“I like it,” Mitsuki chimed in. “Naruto speaks what’s on his mind. Everyone else is thinking about what they should say, but he just says it.”

 

“Well, look at you, kid.” Suigetsu walked into the room and approached Mitsuki. A large hand ruffled the child’s hair in an affectionate matter. “Awake and thinking and shit.”

 

“Those are considered the basic signs of life,” Karin quipped without thinking. Catching herself, she realized that she wouldn’t have stopped herself from saying it in the first place.

 

Suigetsu flipped her off, and Karin used the closed book to smack him on the thigh. Mitsuki watched the interaction attentively, wondering why a gesture would make Karin hit the man. The child then turned his head up to look at Suigetsu. “Who are you?”

 

“Me?” Suigetsu pointed to himself. “I’m Suigetsu. Good to finally meet ya, kid.”

 

Mitsuki smiled. “Uncle Suigetsu,” he repeated, committing the face to memory.

 

“Uncle?”

 

Directly quoting Orochimaru, Mitsuki repeated “Children often use ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’ to refer to those friends of the family who act in some parental respect.”

 

Suigetsu looked to Karin, who mouthed Orochimaru’s name. He turned back to Mitsuki. “Let me give you some advice. The way your old man talks can be a little creepy. Try to use your own words, okay?”

 

“My old man? Does that mean my parent is my father?”

 

“Your parent is your parent. Just leave it at that.” Karin stood from her seat, having no desire to discuss gender politics with a child who had just come out of a coma. “It’s easier that way.” She handed the book to Suigetsu before asking, “Did you start packing?”

 

“Yeah. ‘S not like we brought a whole lot.”

 

“Thanks. I’ll make sure Juugo takes over for you in a few hours.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t corrupt him too much, okay?” With that, she left the room.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Suigetsu plopped down in the empty chair and crossed his legs, lounging back. “Ok, where were we?” His thumb scanned the pages of the novel until he’d found the place Karin had marked. “Oh yeah. ‘But Nikaku, doesn’t seem like something an ass would do?’”

 

“No.” Mitsuki interrupted. 

 

“No?”

 

“You have to do the voices. Like Auntie Karin.”

 

“Oh, my god, kid, you’re killing me.”

 

“Auntie!” Mitsuki called.

 

“Shit! Okay, fuck! Stop it!” Suigetsu fumbled with the book in panic. He held a finger to his lips and shushed Mitsuki. 

 

The child looked back at him with mischief in his eyes. Suigetsu bristled, staring him down. Neither wavered until Mitsuki opened his mouth again.

 

In a bass voice, Suigetsu repeated, “‘But Nikaku, doesn’t seem like something an ass would do?’”

 

“No, that’s Kokage-sama’s voice.”

 

“For the love of- What do you want from me, kid?”

 

“Do the voices.”

 

“Oh, my god. Karin!”

 

“Auntie!”

 

* * *

 

“Just keep him awake for another two hours. I’ll be in to check on him and make sure that he’s okay to sleep,” Karin instructed Juugo, who nodded his compliance. “We’ve been reading to him, but he insists that you do voices for the characters.”

 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” the gentle giant assured her. 

 

“Wait.” Her hand shot out and caught him by the forearm. She was looking into space, at something Juugo couldn’t see. “Sasuke and Sakura are here. Something’s wrong.” Coming back to the present, she instructed, “Let Suigetsu stay with Mitsuki for now. I might need your help.” She set off running down the hall, Juugo a few steps behind.

 

“Should I inform Kabuto or Lord Orochimaru?”

 

“They’ll have sensed it on their own,” Karin assured him. Sure enough, as the pair rounded the corner, the two men in question were just a few meters ahead of them. The entrance to the hideout opened up to the night sky as they rushed aboveground.

 

“Get away from her!” Sasuke shouted, staring down the ANBU agent who had dared to lay a hand on Sakura. He was supporting her with his single arm, unable to hold a weapon, but his activated Sharingan was enough of a threat to make the shinobi follow his orders.

 

“What’s going on?” Orochimaru asked, coming around Sakura’s other side to help support her.

 

“Premature labor.”

 

“My body couldn’t take the stress from travel,” Sakura managed to inform him before grinding her teeth. “I thought I would be fine. I should have had a few more weeks.” Her voice wavered with regret. “Six. I should have had six more weeks.”

 

“Don’t think about that right now,” Karin interjected. “Everything’s going to be alright. I’ll take care of you. Juugo! Take Sakura to my lab, please. Lord Orochimaru’s hasn’t been properly cleaned since Mitsuki left.”

 

Sasuke seemed hesitant to hand Sakura over, but he relented. Juugo could be trusted, if only because he would never do anything to harm Sasuke. Karin had to jog to keep up with his long strides. Continuing to bark out orders, she directed, “Kabuto! I need painkillers from the lab Mitsuki was in. Lord Orochimaru, if you please, tell Suigetsu what’s going on. I need him scrubbed and in a coat as soon as possible.”

 

“Suigetsu?” Sasuke asked skeptically.

 

“He’s a competent assistant,” Karin assured him, too preoccupied to harp on how they’d parted or his demeanor. “I can get Sakura and the baby through this safely, but I can’t have you in my way. You need to trust me. If you can’t do that, you can’t be in the room.”

 

“I can.”

 

“Good. She needs you there.” She stopped in front of a door, adding, “Three to the left. Juugo will have her there. No one touches her until I’m there, not even Kabuto. Understood?”

 

Sasuke gave a brisk nod and ran down the hall. Karin stepped into the room and grabbed a coat and gloves before scrubbing herself in the sink. She took a deep breath to calm herself and get her mind working at the appropriate place. Thirty-four weeks. It was early, but not too early. She could do this. She’d never had to deliver a child before, but she’d read enough on the subject to know what she needed to do, just in case. Orochimaru and Kabuto were, and always had been, researchers. Someone needed to know how to heal, after all. 

 

Karin pulled on her gloves and put on a face of determination. It was going to be a long night, but they would all get through it. She’d make sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major plot points for the novel were pulled from the Wiki, but all passages are completely made up.
> 
> Also, I want to clarify that this particular Mitsuki is going to become Log, and is not the same Mitsuki that Boruto and Sarada team with.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I don't blame you dear for running like you did all these years  
> I would do the same, you'd best believe  
> And the highway signs say we're close but I don't read those things anymore  
> I never trusted my own eyes  
> \- The Lumineers, "Stubborn Love"

“Everybody out,” Karin commanded, pointing at the door. “I need to get Sakura in a gown. Sasuke can stay. Everyone else, wait outside.” Assuming that the men would do as she instructed, Karin walked over to Sakura. She helped her sit up and undress while asking rudimentary questions about her labor.

 

“Contractions?”

 

“Still far enough apart.”

 

“Pain?”

 

“Seven, at the moment.”

 

“Medication?”

 

“None.”

 

Sasuke stood to the side as he listened to the rapid back and forth. He didn't want to get in the way, and so he let Karin do what she wanted. He lent a hand only to help lower Sakura back down.

 

“Alright!” Karin shouted, granting permission for the others to enter the room. She draped a thin blanket over Sakura’s lower body and sat down on a stool between her legs. A quick look, and Karin was able to draw her conclusion. “You're not too far along for painkillers, if you want them.”

 

“God, yes,” Sakura sighed in relief.

 

“Kabuto.” Karin held out her hand for the syringe she'd sent him to fetch. It was placed into her palm without a word. “Sasuke.” The Uchiha helped lift Sakura up into a sitting position. Karin uncapped the needle and warned “This is going to hurt like a bitch.”

 

“Do it.” Sakura’s voice didn't waver. Her face contorted when the needle pierced her skin, but it was over after a few seconds. Sasuke lowered her back down. 

 

“I don't have to tell you that you're going to have to be patient,” Karin informed Sakura. “I don't want you to worry. I'm perfectly capable of handling this situation.”

 

“I believe that.”

 

Karin gave her the barest hint of a smile. When she turned to the others, her serious demeanor had returned. “Lord Orochimaru, please see that Mitsuki gets his rest. Kabuto, check the boy and clear him to sleep. Juugo, you're free to go. There's not much to be done here but monitor. I'll keep Suigetsu here and have him alert you if you're needed.”

 

Suigetsu watched in amazement as the sannin and his apprentice left the room without complaint, deferring to her judgement. It was astounding. He hadn't paid much attention before, but in that moment, it was clear that, whatever may have happened personally, Karin had earned their respect as a scientist and medic. His violet eyes stared at the door as it closed, shutting the four of them inside of Karin’s lab.

 

The room fell silent. Sasuke stood beside Sakura, caressing her hair as he looked down at her. Karin was busy pulling out necessary supplies, which left him without anything to do. Absentmindedly, he began to drum his fingers against the counter rhythmically. Adding to the beat, he used his other hand to clap the outside of his thigh at odd intervals. 

 

“Suigetsu.”

 

He looked up to see Karin’s disapproving glare. “Sorry.” Damn, he wished he'd thought to take that book from Mitsuki.

 

Sakura turned her head to Karin. “I'm sorry to put you through this. I thought I had time to make it home.”

 

“Don't worry about that.” In an uncharacteristic move, she placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder for a brief moment. “I'm glad I was here. I wouldn’t trust those idiots to see you through carefully. They're researchers through and through. At least I know what I'm doing.”

 

Sakura clenched her jaw, riding out another contraction as Karin kept time by the clock on the wall. Panting, she hissed, “I thought you gave me a painkiller.”

 

“I did. We're not a hospital. I have to work with what's on hand here. It won't be the easiest delivery, but I told you that I can get you through it safely. If anyone can will herself through this, it's you. Remember that. And, if you need to, Sasuke can take a beating and still stand.”

 

“Please don't shatter my hand,” Sasuke requested.

 

“Please. You've had worse,” Karin countered. “You break whatever you want to break, Sakura.”

 

Suigetsu wheeled himself away from the counter to ask, “Got a name?”

 

“A few.” Sakura smiled. “We decided that the first character should be ‘sa,’ like both of ours.”

 

“How about Satomi?” Suigetsu stopped his chair at Sakura’s bedside.

 

“I like that one, but Sasuke doesn't.”

 

“Karin? Can I speak with you?” Sasuke asked, nodding to the door.

 

Karin stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind them. She could still see through the small window to keep an eye on Sakura. “What is it?”

 

“We need to talk about what happened in the Land of Iron.” Sasuke’s arm crossed his chest in muscle memory of having his other arm. He noticed what he was doing and let it drop.

 

Karin pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and settled her weight on one foot as she looked up at him. “I will say this once, and we won't speak of it again. My reasons for leaving were my own, although I will admit that Suigetsu suggested it. I am not an object of convenience. Your assumption that I would play nursemaid to Sakura was demeaning and presumptuous. Make the adjustment that I'm not here to clean up your messes, Sasuke.” She clicked her tongue before adding, “Which isn't to say that I won't do everything in my power to see Sakura and the child safely through delivery. Sakura asked to be my friend; I turned her down, but I'm ready to try if she still is. Maybe it's time you stop seeing us as subordinates rather than equals. We're not Taka anymore, like it or not.”

 

They stared at one another for several moments, neither saying a word. Deciding that she'd given him ample time to reply, Karin assumed that their conversation was over. She turned the doorknob and stepped back into the lab, and Sasuke followed. Suigetsu spun around on his stool to face the door, his violet eyes wide with disbelief.

 

“Dude.  _ Sarada _ ? Please tell me you're not going to name the fucking kid Sarada. She'll get picked on!”

 

“It's better than Boruto,” Sasuke muttered defensively.

 

“Is it? Is it really, though? Look at your life choices. As her godparent, I can't let you do that to her.”

 

“Suigetsu, you're not the godparent.”

 

“Damn right I'm not if you name that baby Salad.”

 

* * *

 

“Oh, my god, just  _ get it out! _ ” Sakura’s shout was loud enough to wake those lucky enough to get some sleep that night. Five hours had passed since she began labor, and she was on the verge of killing someone. Sasuke had the good sense to leave and find her some ice after she’d tried to take his other arm off.

 

“Sakura, work with me,” Karin snapped. From the beginning, it was clear that the leaf ninja wasn’t one for soft words and gentle bedside manner. If Sakura was loud, Karin had to be louder. It probably had something to do with her training under the fifth Hokage, but Karin wasn’t focused on that right now. “You’re still not dilated enough. You’re a medic, so start thinking like one! We can’t be stupid about this!”

 

Suigetsu kept a safe distance from both women, terrified of getting caught in the middle. This bout, however, ended more quickly than the last. Sakura fell back against the pillows and looked as though she were about to cry. “I’m going to kill him,” she swore.

 

Karin sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the top of Sakura’s hand. “Yes, you are, but you have to get through this, first.”

 

To Karin’s surprise, Sakura’s hand turned, and the woman gently laced their fingers together. “Thank you.” Sakura gave her hand a squeeze. “I know you don’t want to do this, but if I wasn’t here…” she let that train of thought go. “This has to be hard on you.”

 

“Not as much as you’d think. I just don’t like seeing a friend in pain.”

 

Sakura looked up at her in disbelief. What had happened that changed Karin so drastically since she last saw her? Her entire demeanor had changed. It was a positive shift, to be sure.

 

Suigetsu coughed. “Hate to interrupt the love-fest, babe, but I’m gonna die unless I get some coffee. Want any?”

 

“Black,” Karin requested. 

 

He gagged. As he left, he muttered to himself loud enough to be heard. “Fuckin’ devil woman, drinkin’ acid like it’s fucking normal…”

 

“Find Sasuke!” Karin called after him, just before the door closed. She disentangled her fingers from Sakura’s and walked over to the counter, where she started rummaging through the drawers.

 

“That’s new,” Sakura commented.

 

“Hm?” 

 

“You and Suigetsu. Whatever's going on there.”

 

“I see.”

 

“What  _ is _ going on, there?”

 

“I said we could be friends. I'm not totally comfortable with those boundaries yet.”

 

“You're about to pull a baby out of me, and you're talking boundaries?”

 

“Valid point.” Karin found what she was looking for and turned back around. “We’re involved.”

 

“Involved how?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Are you involved romantically? Sexually? Is it a friends with benefits situation? Are you exclusive?”

 

“Whoa.” Karin held up a hand. “That's a lot of personal information. Why would I tell you that?”

 

“It's what friends do. Okay, Sasuke and I-”

 

“Nope,” Karin cut her off. “Look. I never went through the stereotypical teenage girl phase. I didn't have sleepovers and talk about boys - it's not like I had other girls to do that with - so forgive me if I'm not on the same wavelength. Anything I experienced, I experienced on my own. I don't really have a good grasp on expressing these things without sounding completely insane.”

 

Although her words were clipped, Sakura could tell that she wasn't trying to be offensive. She remembered how Karin used to act around Sasuke; that level of open infatuation would have been quelled by her peers if she had any. She really was one of the few women in an organization made up of men. Sakura had Ino as her best friend for her entire life; anything else seemed so foreign. “Baby steps?” she asked. “Come on, distract the pregnant woman.”

 

“Fine. You can ask me yes or no questions, but I won't guarantee that I'll answer.”

 

“Do you have feelings for him?”

 

“Yes.” Responding in such a simple manner made discussing the matter much easier for Karin.

 

“And he has feelings for you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Have you slept together?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“More than once?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Sakura was thrilled that Karin was playing along. It was a welcome distraction, and she was learning more about the other woman than she'd ever thought she'd know. Her eyes shone with mischief as she asked “Was it good?”

 

Karin snorted unintentionally. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth and nose, stifling a laugh at herself. Sakura couldn't hold back, and when she was finally through laughing, Karin answered “Yes.”

 

“Is he the first person you've been with?”

 

This time, she hesitated. “No.”

 

Sakura couldn't stop herself from asking. “Sasuke?”

 

“No.”

 

“Are you lying?”

 

“No, I'm not. There would be no point.”

 

Sakura sighed in relief. That wasn't a blow she was sure that she could take. “Sorry.”

 

“I understand. You had to ask.”

 

“Who was it?”

 

Karin adjusted her glasses. “I'd prefer not to say.”

 

“Can I ask why?”

 

“The whole thing was far from healthy. It's been a struggle, and I don't want to get into that.”

 

“You can talk to me, you know.”

 

Echoing her words, Karin declared “Baby steps.”

 

There was a sharp pounding at the door to the lab that drew their attention. Karin stood to open the door, letting both Suigetsu and Sasuke inside. Suigetsu had a cup of coffee in each hand, and Sasuke was holding the cup of ice he'd been sent to get. “Battery acid and an Uchiha,” Suigetsu declared as he handed Karin her mug. He grimaced when the redhead drank nearly half the cup at once. “There's something so fucking wrong with you.”

 

“Bite me,” she snapped before taking another drink. 

 

“Here.” Sasuke handed Sakura the cup of ice. “What did I miss?”

 

“Feminine bonding,” Sakura teased.

 

“We’re friends now. Sakura made the good point that most boundaries are erased by me delivering her baby.”

 

“That'll do it, I guess?” Suigetsu shrugged and took a drink from his mug. 

 

Another knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Orochimaru poked his head in the room, looking haggard. “Someone tell me how to do the voices for this damned book before I set it on fire.”

 

Suigetsu sighed. “Duty calls.”

 

“Don't keep him! I need my midwife!” Karin warned.

 

“Five minutes,” Orochimaru swore, clearly relieved that the cavalry had arrived. 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leash-less confusion I wander the concrete  
> Wonder if better now having survived  
> Jarring of judgment and reasons defeat  
> The sweet heat of her breath in my mouth I'm alive
> 
> With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean  
> She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene  
> With her straw-blonde hair, her arms hard and lean  
> She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene.  
> \- Hozier, "Angel of Small Death & the Codeine Scene"

“Push!” Karin instructed, shouting over Sakura’s cries of pain. “You can do it, Sakura!”

 

“No, I can’t!” Sakura gasped, feeling weak. “Oh, God, just make it stop.”

 

“Don’t give me that! Now push!”

 

Sasuke’s face contorted as Sakura clamped down on his hand. If she kept this up, she’d break it, and he’d need his own medical care. Even so, he didn’t say a word about it. His dark eyes watched Karin as she worked, studying everything she did. Sakura was in her hands. The thought made him slightly afraid. He’d seen Karin’s less-than-stable nature many times. So far, she seemed focused and clear. He just hoped she’d stay that way.

 

“Stop,” Karin ordered. Sakura let out a groan and let her body relax, whimpering. “Sakura, listen to me. The next one, you’re going to give it your all.”

 

“I already am.”

 

“No, you’re not. When I tell you to, you’re going to push, and you won’t stop until I tell you to. Do you understand?”

 

Sakura felt tears running down her cheeks as she stared up at the ceiling. Sasuke’s hand gave hers a squeeze, grounding her and bringing her back to the present. She swallowed thickly before agreeing, “Okay.”

 

“Good. You’re doing great, but I need you to stay with me.” Karin looked to the side. “Suigetsu, I need you over here with the rolling table.”

 

“On it.” Suigetsu stood up and walked to her side, bringing the table with him. 

 

“You remember what I told you to do?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good. Sakura?”

 

“Hn?”

 

“Get ready. Push!”

 

Sakura didn’t bother to hold back the scream that ripped through her body. The pain and fatigue had virtually blinded her to her surroundings, and instinct kicked in. She barely heard Karin’s words of encouragement. Keep going. She had to keep going. She wanted so desperately to stop, but her body refused to let her. 

 

“Got her!” Karin exclaimed. The newborn began to cry, and she passed him to Suigetsu before handing Sasuke a pair of medical scissors. “Well?”

 

Sasuke took the scissors and requested, “I’ll need some help.”

 

Karin obliged, holding the cord so that Sasuke could cut it. Suigetsu wrapped the child securely and cleaned her face, making sure that her airways were clear. All of a sudden, he stopped, staring wide-eyed down at the infant. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Karin demanded.

 

“She’s so tiny… What if I hurt her?”

 

“Here.” Karin gently lifted the baby from his arms. He visibly relaxed when she did so. He kept his distance as Karin brought the baby to Sakura, placing her gently on her chest so that she could hold her. “Congratulations.” She smiled down at the pair.

 

Sakura looked up at Sasuke, who stood wordlessly by her side. “Sasuke? Are you alright?”

 

Sasuke’s eyes hadn’t left his child’s face. In a soft voice, he breathed, “She looks just like Itachi.”

 

Sakura looked down at the infant, suddenly aware of the familial resemblance. “You’re right.” She smiled, adding with a small laugh, “It’s a good thing your brother was beautiful.”

 

“Can I…?”

 

“Sit down, first,” Karin instructed, walking to the other side of the bed. She placed a hand on Sasuke’s upper arm, guiding him back to a chair. “Set your arm like this.” She adjusted his elbow and wrist. “Perfect.” Sakura handed Karin the infant, and Karin brought her to her father. “Careful, now. You have to be twice as attentive when holding her.” She didn’t take her hands off the child until she was sure that Sasuke had a secure hold on her.

 

Without his other arm, Sasuke had no way to stop the tears that had begun to roll down his cheeks. “Just like him.” He smiled. “He’d spoil you rotten.”

 

“Think you can hold her while Suigetsu and I clean up?” Karin inquired.

 

“Yeah. We’ll be just fine.”

 

* * *

 

Karin’s bed had never felt so inviting as it did that afternoon. She hadn’t wanted to leave Sakura under the care of anyone other than herself, but she couldn’t function any longer. Juugo was a savior, agreeing to keep an eye on her and to come get Karin if she needed anything. He was also given instructions not to let Kabuto or Orochimaru anywhere near her lab. The infant was of Uchiha blood, and that alone was reason for concern where those two were involved. Maybe she was being overly cautious, but she refused to take any risks. 

 

She’d barely managed to stand in the shower long enough to get clean; it took more than a little help from Suigetsu to remain upright. Emerging from the bathroom, she somehow stumbled the few steps she needed to make it to her bed, where she promptly fell face-down, still wrapped in her towel.

 

“Babe,” Suigetsu’s disembodied voice spoke. “Sit up. Your hair is dripping everywhere.”

 

Karin mumbled something into her pillow.

 

“Come again?”

 

This time, she spoke her words with a lewd hand gesture. Suigetsu frowned and approached her, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her up. “Leave me alone,” she whined, letting her head fall against his hip.

 

“Arms up,” he instructed. She followed along like a petulant child, allowing him to pull a shirt down over her. “Put these on.” He handed her a pair of loose-fitting pants, which she pulled on with reluctance. He took the towel from her and wrapped her hair in it, trying to squeeze out the excess water.

 

“Sui, just let me sleep.”

 

“One more minute, and you can sleep as long as you want. Promise.”

 

“You’re lying. I have to check on Sakura and Sarada in a few hours.”

 

“Can’t believe he named that fucking baby Salad,” Suigetsu grumbled as he used friction to dry her hair a little further.

 

“Not your baby, not your choice.”

 

“Babe.  _ Salad _ .”

 

“Let it go, Suigetsu.”

 

“Fine, fine. I’m just sayin’.” He tossed the towel in the general direction of the hamper before going to find clothes for himself. “Man, who’d’a thought Sasuke had a paternal side to him?”

 

Karin made a noise of agreement, already nestled beneath the blankets. Suigetsu lay down beside her and pulled her against him.

 

“You did good in there, babe. I’m proud of you.” 

 

“Thanks,” Karin murmured.

 

“I mean it. It was really impressive, how you took charge and got everything done.” Suigetsu paused when he heard how deep and even Karin’s breathing had become. He shook his head before relaxing beside her. There would be plenty of time to talk later on. For now, they needed sleep.

 

* * *

 

It was far too soon when Juugo came to wake Karin up, but she forced herself back out of bed nonetheless. Suigetsu was out cold, and she decided that she didn’t have enough energy to spare in convincing him to get up. She put on her house shoes and left her room, closing the door quietly behind her. As she walked, she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to tame it somewhat. She stifled a yawn before entering the room where Sakura had been relocated. 

 

Both she and the baby were asleep, the newborn lying on her chest as she dozed. That was a good sign. Both mother and child needed a substantial amount of rest. Karin slipped through the door, trying to make as little noise as she possibly could. 

 

“Everything okay?”

 

Karin jumped and gave a small gasp, caught off guard by the words. She could sense that Sasuke was in the room, but she’d assumed that he’d be asleep as well. Once her body calmed back down, she nodded. “Just checking in. I’ll be in and out every couple of hours to make sure that they’re doing well.” She turned back to the sleeping figures, making notes on a nearby clipboard. The only sound was that of her pen scratching across paper and the heavy breathing of restful sleep.

 

Sasuke leaned forward in his chair, placing his forearm on his knees to prop himself up. “Karin?”

 

“Hm?” The redhead adjusted her glasses and looked at him over her shoulder.

 

“Thank you.”

 

She blinked a few times, processing the words she hadn’t expected to hear. Despite herself, she smiled. “You’re welcome.” It was nothing but the truth when she said, “I’m happy you were able to make it here. I hate to think what would have happened if you were stuck on the road.”

 

Silence fell. Eventually, Sasuke’s curiosity got the best of him. “Where did you go?”

 

Karin smirked, focusing on her notes. “Somewhere therapeutic. I’d be far away from here if Juugo hadn’t showed up.”

“With Suigetsu, I assume?”

 

“That’s neither here nor there, now is it?”

 

“I guess not.”

 

Karin drummed the cap of her pen against the clipboard, trying to decide whether or not she should say what was on her mind. She steeled her nerves and told herself that it was now or never. The person that she wanted to become would speak up. And, so, she did. “Sakura and Sarada need you, Sasuke. They deserve better than what you’ve been giving. Don’t let your obsessive personality get in the way of that. Because if I  _ ever _ find out you’ve been using them or treating them the way you treated us, I will hunt you down.” Her eyes flashed. Logically, she knew that she’d never stand a chance against Sasuke in a fight, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try. Sakura could handle herself, but it broke her heart to think of Sarada being treated poorly or neglected.

 

“What are you trying to say?” Sasuke challenged, standing up. He had several inches on her, but she refused to be intimidated by his larger build.

 

“I’m saying that they’re not a means to an end. You don’t get to walk away from this, not like you did with us. Your  _ daughter _ deserves better.” Karin hissed, standing her ground. “If those two can’t be the most important things in your life, walk away. Because if you treat them the way you treated us, with manipulation and false hope, they’d be better without you.”

 

“What makes you think you can talk to me this way?”

 

Karin squared her shoulders. Her fingers reached up to the collar of her tee-shirt, pulling it down just enough to show the top of the irregular scar that reached its edge at her collar bones. Sasuke’s eyes narrowed in recognition. He didn’t feel guilty; she could see it on his face. He did, however, acknowledge that she had a point. Her index finger extended and tapped the silvery skin. “Experience,” she said flatly, her lips drawing thin. 

 

“I was a different person, then.”

 

“I hope so.” Truly, she did. For Sakura and Sarada’s sake, she hoped that the Sasuke who had fought Danzo was gone forever. 

 

“What do you want from me, Karin?” he narrowed his eyes.

 

“Nothing.” The truth of that single word took her aback. “I don’t want a damn thing from you anymore. But, they do, and I’ll be damned if you break that child’s heart. Do we understand one another?”

 

“I don’t need you to tell me how to care for my family,” Sasuke snapped, growing impatient.

 

“Of course not,” Karin deferred with a heavy tone that implied her skepticism. She capped her pen and set it down on top of the clipboard, which was placed on the nearby table. Turning her back on Sasuke, she walked out of the room with her head held high. Whether or not he thought about what she’d said was none of her concern. “I’ll be back in four hours.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you  
> And though this journey is over I'll go back if you ask me to
> 
> I'm not dead just floating  
> Right between the ink of your tattoo  
> In the belly of the beast we turned into  
> I'm not scared just changing  
> Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile  
> You're my crack of sunlight  
> \- P!nk, "I'm Not Dead"

“Knock, knock,” Kabuto spoke rather than perform the action against the open door to Karin’s lab. She stood at the counter, focused intently on a file she was filling out. It contained all of Sarada’s relevant medical information, and she was transcribing a copy for Sakura to bring with her back to the Hidden Leaf. For a newborn, a complete medical record would be exceptionally handy to have on file at the hospital. Some details, Sakura would have no way of knowing or remembering without a hard copy.

 

“Can I help you?” Karin drawled, not looking up from her work.

 

Kabuto took a step into the room. “I hear that you plan to travel with Sakura and Sasuke back to the Hidden Leaf.”

 

“They need an escort,” Karin responded. “It might as well be me.” It would only delay their journey by a few days. Suigetsu had readily agreed to the arrangement, secretly pleased that he would get to spend some more time with the newest Uchiha.

 

“I’ll be making my way back to the orphanage around that time. I can join you for the first leg, at least.”

 

“That won’t be necessary.”  _ Or welcome _ .

 

“It’d be no trouble at all. In fact, I’d be honored if you would come to visit the orphanage I run. We’re looking for a few more caretakers, and we could really benefit from a medic.”

 

“Just drop the fucking act, already, Kabuto,” Karin spat, red eyes blazing. “It’s patronizing. Tell me what you really want to say. I don’t have time to play your games.”

 

Kabuto scowled, but soon composed himself. He nudged his glasses back into place as he cleared his throat. “Very well. If that’s the case, then, surely you’re not so naive as to believe this… whatever you wish to call it... will end well for you. As idealistic as your little house by the sea might seem, we both know that you crave more than that.”

 

“Do we?” she retorted.

 

“You need a challenge, Karin. That life, that imbecile, can’t provide you with that.”

 

“Let me guess; you can.”

 

“I’ve always been able to.”

 

“Is that what you’re calling it? Emotionally and physically abusing and manipulating a teenager was supposed to be a challenge for me? I suppose that trying to earn your approval was my reward?” Karin clenched her fists so hard that her fingernails broke through her skin. “I’m not fourteen anymore, you bastard. In fact, I’m as old as you were back then; do you realize how fucking  _ sick _ you are? I was a goddamned  _ child _ , you sadist. That’s not an intellectual challenge. It’s disgusting.”

 

“That’s not what you said before.”

 

“Oh, my god, do you hear yourself?” she laughed bitterly. 

 

“You had potential.”

 

“You took advantage of me!”

 

“Calm down, Karin.” He extended a hand toward her shoulder.

 

She slapped it forcefully away. “Don’t you fucking  _ dare  _ touch me!”

 

The only sound for several seconds was that of Karin’s heavy breathing. Kabuto leaned back, as though he couldn’t understand what was being said. Karin felt like she was going to be sick, but she powered through. She had to. She refused to let him see her weak.

 

“Get out.”

 

“Karin-”

 

“Get the  _ fuck _ out of  _ my lab _ ! The next time I see you, it had better be in hell.” Karin grabbed him by the front of his cloak and threw him out the door, slamming it in his face and locking it for good measure. Her hands clutched the doorknob until she heard his footsteps receding. Only when she could sense he was gone did she turn her back to the door, sliding down it and onto the floor. She bit down on her fist and let herself cry as anger, resentment, and relief washed over her.

 

Her shoulders shook as she drew her knees in to her chest. As the adrenaline faded, she felt everything she’d repressed for the sake of the argument she’d just made. That was, by far, one of the most terrifying things she’d done in her entire life. Shock hung over her at the thought; she’d actually done it. It wasn’t a fantasy or a dream. She stood her ground against the man that made her life hell, and not only did she make it through, she told him exactly what she thought. 

 

God, it felt good to be free.

 

Tears fell freely from her eyes as she let herself sit and  _ feel _ . All those years spent keeping herself numb, raising walls to protect herself… It would be a long time until she was completely rid of those personal blocks, but now she knew she was  _ strong enough _ . She’d made it past basic survival. She’d stood on her own two feet and defended her humanity and pride. She’d cried out against the injustices she’d suffered, but unlike in her dreams, she had a voice. She wasn’t powerless. 

 

She cried until she couldn’t anymore, trying to process everything that had happened over the last few days. Her world had changed so drastically. She’d never dared to imagine that her life could be this way. Now that she was here, she was terrified. Her whole life, she’d carried some burden or another. She’d assumed that she’d spend the rest of her life doing so. But now…

 

Karin sniffed and dried her eyes with the palms of her hands. Her body was exhausted, but her mind was racing. She was safe here, in her lab, shut away from the rest of the world. She wasn’t quite ready to face anyone yet, and so she sat down in her plush desk chair. Deep breath in, deep breath out. The cycle was repeated ad nauseum until her heart rate finally settled. Her head was pounding with the beginning of a migraine, but she couldn’t bring herself to focus too long on the throbbing against her skull. Everything was overwhelming. Her body was sending a thousand signals, and her mind couldn’t process them all. The sensory overload should have worried her, but she was too fatigued to bother.

 

She needed to check on Sakura and Sarada. Now that it had been a few days, she really only needed to check in once or twice a day. Preferring to keep a schedule, it was just around the usual hour for her to do so. It wouldn’t be long before Sarada was healthy enough to travel the rest of the way home; under the care of her mother, perhaps the most skilled medic in the shinobi world, she would undoubtedly make it there in excellent condition. Both mother and baby were coming along extremely well, much to Karin’s relief. She smiled to herself as she thought about the infant, whose large, black eyes were mesmerizing to anyone who held her. Lately, Suigetsu had been particularly loathe to give her up. Much to Sasuke’s annoyance, he’d dubbed himself her godfather, and Sakura wouldn’t tell him otherwise.

 

Karin took off her glasses and rubbed her itchy, tired eyes. There was still work to be done, and she needed to be the one to do it.

 

Some things never changed.

 

* * *

 

With Sarada, it was slow going back to the Hidden Leaf Village. Running was out of the question, and a walking pace almost doubled the amount of time the small group spent on the road. Added breaks for nursing only furthered the delay. And, yet, none out of the four complained. Sarada would occasionally give voice to her displeasure, as infants do, but she was a relatively easy child to soothe. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Sakura inquired for the hundredth time when the gates of Konoha were visible on the horizon. “I’m sure Kakashi-sensei would be willing to accept you as Leaf shinobi.”

 

“We’re sure,” Karin insisted, smiling nonetheless.

 

“Yeah, we’ve done the hidden village life,” Suigetsu added. “Look how well that turned out.” He snorted in amusement. 

 

“But Konoha isn’t like the Hidden Grass or Hidden Mist,” Sakura began to protest.

 

“Let it go, Sakura.” Sasuke placed a hand on her shoulder. “They’ve made up their minds.”

 

Sakura sighed, aware that she was fighting a losing battle. “You’ll visit, right?”

 

“If Orochimaru calls on us, we’ll be sure to make a stop,” Karin promised. She had a feeling that they were far from done with the sannin. Her liberty would surely come with a price sooner or later, when he saw fit to make a request of her. It was only a matter of time, really. However, that was a problem for the future, and one she didn’t care to think too long about.

 

“Looks like you’ve got a welcoming committee,” Suigetsu quipped, pointing down the road at an approaching figure.

 

“Oh, for the love of-” Sakura turned her body to shield Sarada from the incoming form, which showed no signs of stopping.

 

“Sakura! Sasuke!” Naruto cried, waving a hand over his head. In a flash, Sasuke headed him off, catching Naruto’s upper arm with his hand. The blonde shinobi lost his balance but quickly regained his footing. “I was starting to think you guys weren’t coming back!”

 

“Naruto! Volume,” Sakura scolded. Sarada had begun to cry at the loud outburst, and her mother was bouncing and rocking her in an attempt to smoothe.

 

Naruto blinked. “That’s a baby.”

 

“No shit,” Sakura snapped.

 

“Why do you have a baby?”

 

Suigetsu grinned toothily. “When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-”

 

Karin slammed her fist onto the top of his head. “Shut up, you troll!”

 

Sarada, who had witnessed Suigetsu’s misfortune, began to laugh. She extended her arms, opening and closing her fists.

 

Suigetsu took a few steps so that he could lean over to the baby. “I’m gonna miss the shit out of you, kid. Be good for your mom, okay? Do whatever you want to your dad, I don’t care. Remember, if anybody fucks with you, you just tell ‘em your godfather has a big-ass sword and can kill ‘em in their sleep.”

 

“Don’t talk to a child that way,” Karin scolded.

 

“Wait,  _ he’s _ the godfather?!” Naruto nearly shrieked at Sasuke, looking completely heartbroken.

 

“Idiot,” Sasuke grumbled.

 

Karin approached Sakura and embraced her. “You know where to find us,” she reminded the other woman. “But keep it quiet.”

 

“I know.” Sakura smiled. “Thank you, again. For everything.”

 

Karin leaned down to press a kiss to Sarada’s forehead. When she straightened up, she made eye contact with Sasuke, who was watching the exchange. To him, she simply nodded, and he returned the gesture.

 

“Are you sure you won’t stay the night?” Sakura asked with a hopeful look in her eyes.

 

“We still have half a day,” Karin countered. “It’d be better to make progress.”

 

“Take care.”

 

“You too.”

 

Suigetsu was the first to move, and Karin followed almost instantly. The pair, now able to move at a run, traveled in silence until the Village Hidden in the Leaves was far behind them. Even with half a day, they were able to make substantial progress toward Wind country. Their travel would still take the better part of a week, but they were finally on the move. Their only destination was home, and nothing else stood in their way. 

 

As they made camp under the full moon, Suigetsu smiled to himself almost continuously. Eventually, Karin caved and asked “What’s got you so happy?”

 

“Just thinkin’,” came his response. He leaned forward and poked the burning logs with a stick, shifting them so that the heat could spread better and feed the fire. “It’s almost been a year, you know. It’s batshit, when you think about it.”

 

“That’s one way to put it.”

 

“What’d’ya think everybody’s gonna say when we show back up?”

 

Karin shrugged. “Odds are, we’ll get chewed out for leaving without telling anyone. We need to come up with a good excuse for that. But, after that, I hope they’ll be happy.”

 

“I know I’ll be.”

 

Several moments passed in thought before Karin asked, “Sui? Where do we go from here?”

 

“Anywhere you want, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my god, you guys. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me. I don't even know what to say other than that. I can't believe we made it here. Honestly, I'm at a loss for words. Thank you, again and again.


End file.
